


No Greater Power

by Revever



Series: No Greater Power verse [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Belle researching the Dark One curse, F/M, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Rumple trying to cope with everything himself, Snow Queen (Andersen's fairy tale), The Dark One curse, emotional h/c, h/c, mourning Bae, no 'Frozen', no Author, no Sorcerer, no-nonsense Regina, trauma aftermath, what the Dark One curse is and how to get rid of it, woobie!Rumple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-04-26 09:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 60,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5000341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Revever/pseuds/Revever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Belle and Rumplestiltskin have to deal with the aftermath of Bae's death and his imprisonment. Also, the Dark One curse has to be dealt with before it manages to destroy Rumplestiltskin's heart completely and there is not much time left.</p><p>Meanwhile, Snow Queen's mirror was transported from the Dark Castle to Storybrooke as a result of Emma and Hook's time travel. As it turns out, Kay was imprisoned inside it and his sudden appearance causes a stir in Storybrooke. But it seems there is more to the mirror which origins may be connected to the Dark One curse.</p><p>An AU starting after season 3, where some plot points from season 4 stays, but many are gone. No Frozen, no hat, no Author storyline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> To be updated roughly once a week.
> 
> Betaed by Eleonora (thank you!). All remaining mistakes are mine.
> 
> Constructive criticism is always appreciated. :)

* * *

_„Death walks faster than wind and he never returns what he has taken.'_

― Hans Christian Andersen, The Story of a Mother

_"I can give her no greater power than she has already, said the woman; don't you see how strong that is? How men and animals are obliged to serve her, and how well she has got through the world, barefooted as she is. She cannot receive any power from me greater than she now has, which consists in her own purity and innocence of heart. If she cannot herself obtain access to the Snow Queen, and remove the glass fragments from little Kay, we can do nothing to help her."_

― Hans Christian Andersen, The Snow Queen

* * *

Of course something had to happen soon. After all the craziness she experienced since coming to Storybrooke, Emma was sure of one thing: trouble here never ends. The stranger, a boy not much older than Henry, clothed in Fairy Tale Land style and carrying a fancy mirror the size of a large plate, wasn't even that weird - all things considered.

'Hey!' she called to him. The street was fairly deserted as it was still early morning. 'Kid!'

The boy looked at her and stopped, as if preparing to bolt in another direction. But then apparently made another decision and came to her.

'I'm Emma,' she said, because it was a nice and straightforward tactic to get someone to open up.

'I'm Kay,' came slow answer. Kay was looking at her with light, grey eyes. His hair was also light, greyish blond, giving him a vaguely Scandinavian look. This was not a coincidence, Emma decided. Not in Storybrooke.

'Kay as in the tale about Snow Queen?'

'How do you?... How do you know her?'

'Well, I only heard of her. Look, kid, why don't you come with me to Granny's? You look as if you need something to eat and someone to talk to.'

Kay frowned and gave her another suspicious look.

'I don't bite. I just want to check if everything's alright. I'm the sheriff, if you need help, you can tell me.'

The boy slowly nodded and went with Emma to the diner. Ruby briskly brought them breakfast and stayed close, intrigued by the stranger.

'Alright, kid, so what are you doing dressed like that and with that thing?' Emma gestured toward the mirror, carefully laid next to the boy on the booth seat.

'Well, I'm not from here.'

'I see.' Emma had a very bad feeling about that. 'Say, are you from Enchanted Forest?'

'Yes.'

Emma waited. Kay managed to stretch the silence for about half a minute, then asked:

'So I am from the Enchanted Forest and now you tell me where we are.'

'Storybrooke. I take it from your confusion, that you somehow don't know about the curse?'

'Curse?'

Emma summarized the origins of Storybrooke in a few short words. Kay looked at her with big eyes.

'Well, then that would explain... And you say everybody from the Enchanted Forest is here?'

'Yeah, mostly.'

'Then I need to find her!'

'Who? Snow Queen?'

'No!' Kay looked at her with disgust. 'Gerda.'

'Ah, right, of course,' muttered Emma. 'How silly of me. So, is that by any chance Snow Queen's mirror?'

Kay looked at her as if he just saw a ghost.

'You know?'

'I suspected, given the tale. Well, that doesn't answer my first question. How did you get here? The curse was cast some time ago.'

'I just woke up in the barn on the outskirts of the town... Then I came here. It's a really strange place.'

Emma closed her eyes. So, after all, it was that damn time travel's fault. But the portal closed. How the hell could Kay get through?

'Can you tell me something more?'

Kay pondered that for a minute, then apparently decided that it won't hurt.

'I was trapped in the mirror... The mirror must have gotten transported here. And then I was released, but I have no idea how or why.'

That made much more sense.

'How did you get trapped?'

Kay frowned.

'I was trapped by Rumplestiltskin,' he said with anger barely held back.

'Oh dear,' said Ruby who listened the whole time. 'Why? Or no, no why, just... I'll ask Granny to give you a room for free. This will be trouble.'

'Is Rumplestiltskin here?' Kay looked around with fear.

'Yes, kid, but he's sort of... reformed. As in not as evil as some time ago and actually, well... just married.'

'How can you say not as evil?' Kay looked at her as if she was also all kinds of evil. 'You are either naive or in cahoots with him!'

'I'm not naive, kid. I understand being trapped in that thing doesn't give any warm feelings but calm down. He has been through a lot recently and maybe we can wait with dragging out the old sins. Anyway, I won't let anyone trap you there again. But I thought the mirror should be in possession of the Snow Queen, not Rumplestiltskin?'

'I took it from her,' said Kay proudly. 'She killed my parents and kidnapped me. But then Rumplestiltskin tricked me and trapped in the mirror. Whatever you are talking about, could've he been through more than being frozen in constant nightmare?'

Well, perhaps, thought Emma, even if she wasn't sure what exactly happened with Zelena. And certainly Neal's death was as close to nightmare as it gets. She didn't make any further comments, though.

'Right, perhaps I could explain how you got here. A time portal was opened between Rumplestiltskin's vault and Storybrooke, I mean this town. So you skipped about five years and landed right here. The mirror must have got caught in the portal and somehow released you here. Any thoughts why now?'

Kay shook his head.

'You said you are sheriff. Then you should protect me from both Rumplestiltskin and Snow Queen if she is here also. She may call herself Lovis, that was her name in Fairy Tale Land.'

'I don't think I've met anyone called that here. But the curse gave everybody new name, fitting for this land. I'll look for her.'

'And Gerda,' said Kay pleadingly. 'Please, find Gerda for me.'

* * *

Belle was happy. She woke up somewhere after ten o'clock, much later that usually, with very pleasant memories of their night wedding. And wedding night. First thing she saw opening her eyes was Rumple, watching her with gentle, shy smile.

She smiled right back, stretching in the warmth of their bed and then the thought struck her: she was actually fully happy, with no urgent nor long-term problems waiting to be dealt with. She was married to the man she loved, she reconciled with her father, no one was trying to kill anyone, and they could stay in bed all day long if they wanted. It wasn't as if the shop or library had to be open every day.

Rumple kissed her on the cheek, then on the jaw, the neck, and went lower and lower. Belle giggled and felt like she was ready to burst with happiness.

'I love you, Rumple,' she murmured into his hair.

'And I am grateful for that every moment,' he murmured back into her cleavage. 'Even if I don't understand how such wonder is possible.'

'Sure it is. You need to believe it finally. It's our happy reality.'

Rumple murmured something more, but she didn't catch exactly what. And in that pleasant moment it didn't feel like the most important thing.

Later they showered together and then she was drying her hair while Rumple just watched her. She blushed with delight.

'We need to tidy here up a bit, Rumple,' she said reaching into small cabinet. Few items dropped out and landed on the floor. 'It's more cluttered than your shop.'

'My shop is wonderfully complicated, sweetheart, not cluttered.'

She picked up medicine bottle from the floor.

'What's that? Nitrostat?'

'Oh, that's nothing, sweetheart. I actually forgot I even have it.'

'But that's heart medicine, right?' She was concerned. It wouldn't be the first time Rumple tried to hide something he perceived as his weakness.

'Yes, it is, but it was something that boring, non-magical Mr. Gold sometimes needed. That was long time ago and I don't need it now.' He wrapped his arms around her and started to kiss her shoulders. As far as distractions went, this was an excellent tactic.

'But shouldn't you... I don't know, check it with the doctor, perhaps?'

'No,' he smiled. 'Sweetheart, no need. Besides, it's a bit awkward when Snow Queen is your cardiologist.'

Belle raised her eyebrows.

'Isn't she supposed to be a villain?'

'She is, perhaps. I'm supposed to be one too.'

Belle hugged him and kissed, hard.

'Not anymore, no.'

* * *

With Ruby's help, finding Gerda wasn't all that difficult. Kay reluctantly gave them a small handkerchief that he claimed he got from Gerda. And then Ruby recognized the smell as the one she felt before in the hospital.

'Victor and I were having dinner, but then he was paged back to the hospital and I went too as it wasn't supposed to take that much time. Which it did, but that's another story,' Ruby explained awkwardly.

'Right...' Emma didn't want to know the details. She was still somewhat weirded out after Whale and Mary Margaret's one-night stand.

'There is something you should know, Emma,' said Ruby. 'Not about Victor,' she added hastily. 'In Fairy Tale Land, I've met a woman who was looking for a boy named Kay. She called herself Lovis, said she's his mother. Looked very sincere then, and smelled sincere too, perhaps. But I wasn't aware of... what I can do with smells then, so I'm going by memory only. She might have been Snow Queen. Too old to be Gerda, anyway.'

Emma nodded.

'Good thinking, Ruby. She might have wanted to track him down to get her mirror back.'

The hospital was crowded and busy, but Ruby confidently led the way through white corridors until they almost collided with blonde, plump nurse with braids pinned up in a crown.

'Oh, I'm sorry!' she exclaimed with pleasant laugh. She looked almost too young to be a fully trained nurse. 'I should be more careful turning the corners. Sheriff, is there something I can help you with?'

'There is.' Emma looked at her curiously. 'Were you perhaps called Gerda in the Enchanted Forest?'

'I was. I'm Diana here. I somewhat prefer Diana, so... How can I help you?'

'Well, it seems that Kay just appeared in Storybrooke,' said Emma and she knew she had that completely non-Savior expression all over her face, betraying she can't believe she just said something this silly.

'Kay!' Gerda, or Diana, exclaimed incredulously. 'But how? I searched for him! Karen searched for him! He wasn't anywhere, what happened?'

'Whoa, slow down,' Emma raised her hands. 'I'm sure he will explain everything to you. It seems he was trapped in Snow Queen's mirror in Enchanted Forest, and now the mirror, well, it time-traveled into Storybrooke and...' Emma paused for a moment. 'Listen, you may not like it. The mirror was transported in time. Kay skipped about five years, so he's younger than you...'

Diana's eyes were wide open.

'Oh... Even younger than he already was? But he's fine other than that?'

'Yeah. A bit suspicious of everybody and unsure in new place, but mostly fine. He has room at Granny's.'

'Oh, good, thank you, I'll tell Karen...'

'Wait. You said earlier that Karen searched for him. She is the Snow Queen, right?'

'Yes,' said Diana with ease. 'Oh, you mean she should be evil as in the fairy tale? No, she's not.'

'Kay thinks differently. And is terrified of her and I promised him that she won't be able to hurt him. So I must ask you not to tell her. I will talk to her, alright?'

'Oh... okay. But anyway, I must see Kay. Maybe I can tell him that Karen misses him even more than I. It's almost the end of my shift, I'll be at Granny's in an hour or so. Is that okay?'

Emma nodded.

'Sure. Tell me where to find Karen?'

* * *

Ruby let Emma go to the Snow Queen alone, but stayed at the hospital and waited for Diana. Somehow she felt the nurse will want to have a friend with her. She smelled very nervous about meeting Kay.

'How did you two meet?' asked Ruby.

Diana blushed.

'I was working in a tavern. One day he came, all alone. We talked and... you know, we just got to like each other...'

Ruby smiled.

'I know.'

'Then he left and sometime after that Karen came. She was looking for him. She wasn't Snow Queen anymore. We became friends too. We both cared about him and tried to find him.'

Ruby frowned.

'Are you sure she really cared about him? What if she just wanted the mirror back? It was the source of her power, right? And Kay told us this morning that she killed his parents and kidnapped him.'

Diana's expression clouded.

'That was an accident,' she exclaimed. 'She told me everything. And she was a wonderful healer, so dedicated. And she loves Kay. I know she does.' Diana sighed. 'Though I understand that he might see it differently. He escaped her... Well, but maybe now it will be alright when they will be able to talk and explain things!' She smiled brightly. 'But the sheriff said that he was trapped in the Mirror! How did that happen?'

'It seems that Rumplestiltskin did it.'

'Mr. Gold trapped Kay in the Mirror?' Diana looked half furious, half disappointed. 'Belle's husband! Poor Belle!'

'You are friends with Belle?'

'Yes, I'm constantly at the library, searching for something new to read, we love to talk about books... Poor Belle...'

Ruby sighed.

'That was many years ago,' she said a bit hesitantly. 'Things may be different now and much better for Belle. She is happy.'

But Diana didn't look convinced.

* * *

Emma found doctor Karen Andersen in the ICU ward. She was a middle-aged, elegant woman, calm and collected. She also had hair and eyes very similar to Kay's.

'Sheriff Swan, how can I be of assistance to you?'

'Is there a private place where we can talk?'

'Of course, let's go to my office,' dr. Andersen led Emma to cardiologist's office, painted in white, with pictures of snowy landscapes. Emma wondered if the choice was curse's doing or awakened Snow Queen's.

'I need to ask you what is your connection to the boy named Kay?' asked Emma bluntly, when both were seated in the office, Emma in a patient's seat, dr. Andersen behind the desk, which gave Emma unpleasant feeling of disadvantage.

Dr. Andersen frowned.

'Why do you ask such a thing?'

'Please, I need to have your answer first.'

'I'm his aunt,' said dr. Andersen simply. 'Now tell me what is this all about.'

'When was the last time you saw him?'

'Sheriff, I will not answer anything if you don't tell me... Did you find him? Is he... alright?'

'Are you the Snow Queen?'

'I was, yes. Until Kay stole my Mirror. I repeat: did you find him?'

Dr. Andersen leaned forward over the desk, her expression losing something of the cold calm she previous wore. But Emma was still suspicious.

'Listen, doctor. I can't let you go near Kay until I know what's going on. He's scared of you. And I don't think I trust you just yet.'

'So you found him...' whispered dr. Andersen and Emma thought she saw her eyes glisten with tears.

'He appeared in Storybrooke this morning. Got transported in time from the Fairy Tale Land.'

'That is why I could not find him...'

'Him, or the mirror?' Emma asked bluntly.

'Him!' Dr Andersen looked at her with anger, brows frowned, mouth twisted in unpleasant grimace, so not fitting the elegant facade. 'You are mother yourself, you should understand! I raised him from infancy, I love him like my own child!'

'But you kidnapped him, right? He told me you murdered his parents.'

Dr Andersen looked down at her manicured hands.

'Let me speak to him, sheriff. If he... If he refuses, I will understand. But... please...'

Emma sighed.

'I can call him and ask,' she offered, dialing Granny's number on her cell phone. 'But I'm not promising anything. And certainly I won't leave you with him alone.'

* * *

Kay's answer was a resounding no. Dr. Andersen heartbroken expression seemed sincere, but who knows. Emma didn't manage to squeeze any more information out of her after that, only the promise she won't look for Kay, though how long would that last was debatable. Emma warned she'll be coming back though, depending on the situation, and keep sharp eyes both on her and Kay.

Meanwhile Emma's parents agreed to take Kay in. He'll be safer that way and they remembered Karen looking for Kay just like Ruby did. After making sure, that Kay and Diana were safe in Charmings' flat, Emma was on her way to city hall.

All the troubles with Kay took her mind from something equally important.

Regina.

Emma found Regina's office closed. But apparently someone was inside, if shuffling of the papers was anything to go by.

'Regina, please, talk to me,' pleaded Emma. 'I'm sorry. I truly am. I want to help.'

She heard clicking of heels, hard, angry.

'It would be better if you stopped trying to help. That was the cause of all this, if you're not aware.'

'I did what was right and saved her life. How am I supposed to feel guilty for that?'

'You may want to feel guilty for destroying mine,' came the icy reply. Emma sighed.

'Yes, I am sorry about that. But I couldn't possibly know. And you can't know what will happen next as well. Things may work themselves out. We may work them out. And however this will end, please, Regina, you have come such a long way from what you were. Don't throw that away.'

Regina laughed, like one hundred percent Evil Queen.

'Oh, but see what it brought me. Being evil was certainly more profitable.'

'Yes, but you're not good for profit. You're good for Henry.'

This rewarded her with silence. Emma decided to go for it.

'I know you lost something very important. But you're not alone. And who told you that Robin will stay with Marian anyway? We are in America now. We have divorces.'

Regina snorted.

'Sure they'll have one.'

'Did you talk to Robin?'

'You were there when I did. You should know how...'

Regina's voice broke.

'I don't mean the diner yesterday. And Marian called you a monster, because she doesn't know you now.'

Regina sighed, tiredly.

'I didn't. If he wants, I will talk to him. But apparently he is busy with his wife. Gods, I feel like a movie star from some disgusting soap opera!'

'Regina...' Emma paused, hearing footsteps. 'Well, apparently he's not that busy. He's here. Do you want to talk through the door or...?'

'Alright, Swan, but leave us alone. I managed things by myself for a long time, I don't need a chaperone.'

Emma sighed. Regina managing things alone was exactly what she was anxious about.

* * *

'Well?' asked Regina testily, sitting with Robin on the sofa.

'Regina, I... I'm sorry it happened like that.'

'I don't require you to be sorry that your wife is alive,' replied Regina calmly, icily and pointedly. It dulled the pain somehow. Robin flinched.

'That's not what I meant.'

Regina arched one eyebrow and waited.

'Regina, don't do this.' Robin sighed. 'I know you are hurt and I am sorry for that. I care for you and I don't want to see you in any kind of pain.'

Regina bristled, but managed to stay calm.

'You won't,' she said evenly. 'I can take care of myself. Well, if that's all, then...'

'No, it's not all. I love you, Regina. I want you to know that. What we had was real.'

Regina smiled, despite herself and saw Robin smiling too. But then the last sentence struck.

'Had?'

Robin looked at the floor. After few long moments, he managed to look Regina in the eyes.

'Marian is my wife. I promised her life together, no matter what. And I can't take back the word once given. Then I would be nothing.'

Regina fought to keep her face calm and blank.

'Then we are done?' she asked as if talking about city budget. Calmer even.

'I'm so sorry... But yes. I have to do what is right, not what I want.'

Regina nodded.

'Then I believe there is nothing to add.'

Robin wanted to say something, but before he had a chance, Regina waved her hand and teleported him outside the building.

Now the tears flowed freely and every mirror and window in the city hall broke.

* * *

At midnight Belle was dead asleep. Gold slowly caressed her long hair, tossed everywhere on the pillows in a pleasant mess. No hurry, he was telling himself. The night is long. And it wasn't as if he was planning to sleep.

He had all long night to admire his beautiful wife, who was softly snoring in the most adorable way.

At three o'clock he gathered all the courage he had and carefully got out of bed.

'Rumple... Where are you going?' murmured Belle.

'Just the bathroom, dear,' he whispered and went exactly where he said, afraid she will become suspicious. But when he came back, she was asleep again.

He carefully stepped out of the bedroom and went down the stairs.

He retrieved his dagger, the real one, from its magical hiding place. Then he reached for Belle's purse, where the fake one was hidden. Drawing shuddering breath, he quickly dissolved the fake, then placed real one in the purse.

Then he casted every protection spell he could think of on the purse, some of them twice or thrice, though he still doubted it was enough. He also made sure the protection spells on the house were holding, then casted some additional ones.

He just hoped Belle will be able to use her purse normally and won't notice additional magic.

He turned to the stairs, then turned again. He almost took the dagger back, and hid it where no one could find it.

But he already lied to Belle so much. He didn't want to become the full monster again. He did what was necessary to avenge Bae, now he wanted to be the man that Bae wanted him to be. The man that Bae gave his life for.

He pressed one hand to his chest, where his black, dark heart was beating. At least Belle was there, the last flicker of light he had left.

* * *

There were noises in the living room when Emma woke up. She got up quickly and went to check on Kay. The boy was sitting on the sofa, wide awake and clutching the mirror.

'She will want it back,' he said looking sharply at Emma.

'Snow Queen? Well, I told you, she didn't look like a vengeful witch. More like a worried aunt.'

'Do you really believe that?'

Emma sat in the armchair.

'Don't know, kid. But we need to keep the possibilities open.'

Kay frowned.

'You promised to keep her away.'

'Yeah. That's just something for you to think of. What's up with the mirror, though? Are you using its powers?'

'No!' Kay looked furious. 'I'm not like her. I'm just keeping it so no one else could grab it!'

'Calm down, kid. I'm just saying that maybe we should think of a safe place for it.'

'No need. And, besides, I'm moving to Gerda's place today.'

'And you're telling me it only now?'

'So? Yesterday everybody was so busy with this Regina thing.'

Emma sighed.

'Okay, I suppose you're right. Still, will you be safe with her? She's working...'

'I know,' snapped Kay. 'But she's my Gerda. I want to be with her. And you know that Rumplestiltskin might want the mirror too. Maybe even more than Snow Queen. You can't really find a place for it safe enough. I somewhat doubt that it'll be safer here than with Gerda.'

'We'll try to think of something anyway,' sighed Emma. 'And I'll go talk to Gold today, see what he's up to.'

* * *

Rumple was behaving weirdly. For one, he clang to her all the short way from the house to the car and from the car to the shop. And earlier pausing frequently in the corridor, staring at something. When he started to maneuver himself in the shop so he will stand as close to her purse as possible, she was certain.

'Rumple. Take the dagger back if you want. I can see it's making you nervous.'

He quickly shook his head.

'No, no, Belle, I'm sorry.' He actually blushed a little. 'I'll... I'll just cast some protection spells on your purse, alright? You won't mind?...'

They had a conversation about proper use of magic shortly before the wedding. Belle didn't mind if it were for a truly justified situations. Also perhaps didn't mind if it were about sweet, little gestures like conjuring some flowers for her out of thin air. But apparently Rumple was afraid of doing something wrong. It was kind of sweet in a way.

'I won't, Rumple. I agree with you, it should be protected carefully. That's why I would like to give it back to you.'

'No, please, keep it. Please.'

He sounded desperate.

'Is there something you're not telling me?'

'I...' he paused after casting third protection spell on her purse. The air around the thing cracked a little. 'You are the brightest thing in my life now,' he whispered. 'If you have the dagger... maybe, ah, maybe its magic won't be so dark?'

He sounded hopeful and he looked at her in that shy, unsure way that always made Belle want to hug him and kiss all troubles away.

'Okay, I'll keep it. But remember you can have it back if you want.'

'I don't want to.'

'Alright. Also, I think that the purse can't take any more of your magic. It's sparkling, Rumple, and I'm a bit afraid to touch it now. Will it bite me?'

He frowned, looking at the offending item. He waved his hands over the purse again.

'Sorry. I took the latest layers off. It's safe, don't worry.'

 


	2. Chapter 2

No longer than after two hours, The Savior barged into the shop. Gold sighed, placing both hands on the counter in the 'powerful and mean owner of the whole town' act.

'How can I help you this time?' he asked snarkily and a little more bitterly than he wanted.

'What do you know about a boy named Kay?'

Gold raised his eyebrows, taken aback. The Savior didn't waste words and this certainly wasn't what he expected.

'Why do you ask, sheriff?'

Emma sighed impatiently.

'At least don't call me sheriff if you want to play the game of questioning me back. Now, what do you know?'

'I don't see any reason to answer you. Miss Swan.'

'Then maybe I should go to the library and ask Belle?'

'She wouldn't know anything.'

Belle chose exactly this moment to come out of the back of the shop, smiling.

'Emma, hello. Were you talking about me?'

'Sort of. Do you know a boy named Kay?'

'No. Should I?'

Gold raised his eyebrows in his best 'I told you so' expression.

'Miss Swan, if you don't trust me to share any information, I see no reason to share anything with you.'

The Savior considered it for a moment.

'Alright, Gold. Let's talk openly. When we've come back through the portal, we brought something with us, accidentally. Snow Queen's mirror. And Kay was released from it. Now, he accuses you of trapping him in it. Seeing as we caught the mirror from your vault in your castle, I'm quite willing to believe it.'

'I see,' said Gold, looking at her with his eyes squinted. 'Then what possibly can I add to this?'

He noticed that Belle came closer. He really didn't need any past deeds to remind his wife, wife!, of the cursed monster he was.

'I wanted your version of the story.'

'How noble.' He looked at the Savior with hard, unrelenting gaze. 'Yes, I did trap him. He was a thief and he broke the deal we've had. I'm more curious how it was even possible for him to be released from the mirror.'

The Savior looked angry. Good. He didn't dare to look at Belle now.

'Then I'm warning you, Gold, don't go nowhere near the boy or the mirror. That's all for now.'

He answered her with a look that clearly told: how would you stop me?

When the door closed after the Savior, he felt Belle's hands on his shoulders. She turned him to look at her.

'Rumple?' she asked, worried, biting her lower lip. 'Did you really trap this boy in some mirror?'

He sighed, suddenly very tired. He lowered his gaze to the floor.

'I did,' he whispered. 'But I didn't... I didn't want to. He tried to suck me in, caught me by surprise and then it was me or him. Once activated, the mirror has to devour someone to be closed. I put it in the vault, because I didn't know how to get him out. As far as I know, there is no way.'

Belle smiled sadly and rubbed his arms.

'Why didn't you tell this to Emma?'

He blinked. How was he supposed to explain that if she didn't understand it already?

'It wouldn't change anything,' he said dismissively, then wrapped his arms around Belle and hugged her tight. 'Let's not think of it anymore.'

* * *

It was easier said than done, because few hours later, when Belle already left for the library, he got a phone call from no one else than his cardiologist, also known as the Snow Queen.

'You lied to me,' were the first, venomous words she spat at him.

He sighed. After his last deception with the dagger, pointing out that he technically didn't lie felt somewhat overrated.

'I needed time to get him out.'

'You trapped him there in the first place.'

'He activated your mirror to trap me. I won't be excusing myself over self-defense.'

'And I'm supposed to believe you?'

'That, dearie, is completely up to you. But maybe you'll think of what you did to him and why, and compare the situations.'

He was rewarded with a long silence, even if what he said was a long shot based on incomplete information.

'Let's say that I believe you,' she said finally. 'I demand that you tell me everything that happened between you and him. No excuses.'

He smiled, albeit a bit sadly.

'That, dearie, has its price.'

'I am listening.'

'Make an appointment for me, as a patient, sometime when there's no people around. No nurses, nobody. Then we'll talk.'

* * *

Belle smiled so brightly when she came to the shop after closing the library. He smiled back, as lightly as he could. His wonderful wife deserved all happiness in the world and more.

She kissed him, long and delightfully, burying her fingers into his hair.

'Ready to go home?' she asked, smiling wittily, when they broke apart.

'Of course, sweetheart.'

He couldn't help but walk on her right side, where her purse was. She let him wrap an arm around her waist without comment, but he caught her worried look and almost let go. He would, if she didn't put her arm in a mirroring gesture on his waist.

'Belle...' he said tentatively. 'Would you help me with something when we'll get home?'

'Sure, Rumple.' She smiled, but all the same looked worried, and he gathered all his strength to not sound afraid.

'I... I mean, we... We need to check all the books about the mirror.'

'Snow Queen's mirror? Why?'

'It's very powerful, Belle. We need to know what to expect. And you are good at researching...'

She gave him the brightest smile in the world, so he smiled back, even if he didn't tell her the whole truth. But how could he? Belle didn't need to manage his own mess. He should take care of it himself and then give his Belle everything she deserved. He should find a way for them to be really, truly happy.

It really wouldn't do to scare Belle away at the very beginning.

* * *

Belle built a whole castle with books around her. She was sitting on the small patch of the sofa that miraculously was still free. The opened books littered the floor and the table and Rumple magicked more and more to be stacked in high piles.

'There are two mirrors,' he said when he finished bringing the books. 'Two sibling mirrors, each with different properties. The one that Kay was trapped in belonged to Snow Queen once and gave her ice power, but is in fact much, much older than her. The second one I acquired from fairies.'

'Fairies?'

'It doesn't matter how. And I didn't use it anyway.'

Rumple looked to the side, uncomfortably.

'Rumple? Why? Shouldn't I know what the mirrors can do to search for something new?'

He took deep breath.

'The second one shows you what you regret,' he whispered quickly. 'It can also show true shape of everyone and everything and that's why I wanted it... Well... I locked it in the furthest corner of my vault.'

Belle reached for him, and taking his both hands guided him to sit down on the coffee table in front of her.

'Hey, Rumple. You can tell me.' She rubbed his palms comfortingly.

'It was showing me Bae, happily growing with me in a land where I was a good soldier and returned to him as a hero...' said Rumple in a broken voice. 'But the mirror shows only what you know is already impossible and I feared that I would spent whole days watching it instead of really looking for a way to find my boy...'

'Oh, Rumple...' she quickly hugged him, caressing his hair. He didn't cry, but she could tell that he forced himself not to.

'I'm fine, Belle. Really. Let's search for the information. I didn't tell you about the first mirror.'

'You're sure, Rumple? Maybe you'd want to talk...'

'No,' he cut her off. 'Please, not now. Belle?'

She sighed and released him, sitting back on the sofa and reaching for the nearest book.

'Tell me about the other mirror, Rumple.'

'It shows you the warped, nightmarish version of reality. You can take its power, but there is a price. You become closed, suspicious, cold. You see everyone in the worst light and the world as a bleak place run on hate and indifference. And I suspect that when you're trapped in it... you live in it forever.'

'So... say, if you get trapped in the mirror with regrets...?'

'I don't know!' he said quickly. 'But I don't think it would just grant you the world you'd want. I don't know if it is even possible to trap anyone in it, I've never heard of such case.'

'But you thought of it?...' asked Belle in the softest voice.

'Yes...' said Rumple, and turned, as if ashamed. She quickly caught his hand.

'Rumple, that's natural you'd want to live in a happy world with your son. But I'm proud of you that you chose to fight for him for real.'

She smiled and hoped to convey in that smile all her love and support. Rumple smiled a bit in return, and even if he wasn't completely convinced, that was still something.

'I know of one more thing regarding the mirror that belonged to Snow Queen. It can tell you the truth, just once for each person, but it can tell you the true answer to any question as long as it's a yes or no question. The mirror glows when it's a yes, and darken when it's a no.'

Belle didn't dare to ask if he tried to do this, but he sensed the unspoken question anyway.

'Shortly before the curse, I asked if Bae was still alive...' he whispered. She took his hands again.

'I miss him too, Rumple. We should go visit his grave tomorrow.'

* * *

Next morning Gold obediently drove them to the cemetery. He wondered how long would it have taken if not for Belle. Even now he held both hands wrapped tightly around steering wheel to not show how they were shaking.

'Do you want me to go with you now?' asked Belle. 'Or should I wait here?'

He took a deep breath.

'I'll go myself first. You won't mind that?...'

'Of course not.' She kissed him lightly on the cheek. 'I'll wait right here. You can do this.'

He nodded, grateful. Soon he was standing in front of his boy's grave, not really remembering how he walked here from the car.

Not actually believing it is real at all.

'Oh, Bae...' he whispered. 'It should have been me. You should live. I'm so sorry, my boy... My beautiful boy...'

He couldn't exactly force any more words through his constricted throat. He kneeled instead, feeling hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

Pathetic, broken man, who couldn't even give his life for his son, but had to take his son's life for himself.

Grief was silent, murderous thing, cutting deeply and coldly. And it was to stay for the rest of his life. Death never returns what he has taken.

And it wasn't as if he could or wanted to tell it to anyone beside this gravestone. Belle would feel guilty, she may think that he is mad at her for her part in his resurrection. Which he wasn't.

Almost.

And mostly, he knew he was being selfish. He just didn't want to remind Belle that it would be better to let him be dead. Even when it really would be better and for so many reasons.

But it didn't matter now and he had to think of something else before it became too late.

* * *

Just as Belle opened the library, Diana came.

'I need something for Kay! Something about music preferably,' she exclaimed, totally excited. Then in the next second she seemed to remember something and looked at Belle uncertainly.

'What?...' asked Belle, unsure, and not accustomed to getting such looks from Diana.

'Kay told me that your husband imprisoned him in the mirror,' Diana said, furrowing her brows. 'I know you love him, but Belle, I'm worried about you...'

'Did Kay told you why Rumple imprisoned him?' Belle cut in sharply.

'Yes, Rumplestiltskin tricked him. Kay was supposed to receive enchanted violin for his help in retrieving some elixir. Kay didn't manage to do it, but he thought it just means that the deal is void. But Rumplestiltskin in fury actually took the mirror from Kay and trapped him inside.'

'Well, that's curious, because Rumple told me something else.' Belle crossed her arms over her chest. 'And I believe him. Rumple said that Kay tried to trap him in the mirror. It needs to devour someone once activated, so Rumple was just defending himself.'

'Well, I prefer to believe Kay.' Diana looked sad. 'This is horrible, Belle. But... we'll still be friends?'

'Yes, of course, but... Diana, someone is lying here. This is serious.'

Diana bit her lips.

'I don't know what to do. If we both already know who to believe... Well, for now, do you have any books on music and some notes? Kay loves music. He wanted to be a musician when he escaped from Karen.'

'Karen?...'

'Snow Queen. She's not evil. What happened between Kay and her was... an accident and... well, many years of trying to mend that. I'm still trying to convince Kay of that though.'

Belle went to search for the books, hoping that convincing people that others are better that they look may become somewhat easier one day.

* * *

Gold took Belle to the restaurant for dinner, so when they finally got home it was late. He started to feel how tired he really was after all that happened this day: the cemetery mostly, but also long hours alone in the shop when he couldn't stop thinking about Bae. He didn't really want to stop thinking in fact, only that he felt how it's sapping away his energy and how close he would come to just sitting on the floor in the backroom and cry, scream maybe. He managed to get himself together before driving to the library to get Belle, but now, at home, he was exhausted.

And it wasn't as if he'd be able to correct that by drinking the potion that enabled him to not sleep and still function normally. Potion has its price and was meant to be taken sparsely, the smallest amount needed. He wasn't about to get careless and risk anything unnecessarily. He would endure.

Belle went to the kitchen to fix them some fruits. Gold wasn't hungry, wasn't even before the dinner, but if Belle wanted fruits then he'd help her prepare some.

She was preparing her favorite fruit salad, quickly chopping peaches, bananas and grapes, adding them to the bowl. With a smile she handed him a knife and peaches, making sure he washed his hands before.

The knife was sharp and easy to handle, Belle joked that he's so much more efficient than her, perhaps because of all the elixirs he used to prepare.

He smiled slightly. Really, cutting peaches for Belle's fruit salad was so much more preferable to chopping dried or slimy elixir ingredients. Peaches were for Belle, elixirs were for dark deeds all meant to lead to the curse, to Ba...

'Rumple!' Belle cried out and for a moment he looked at her, panicked, not knowing what happened to cause her distress and what he should do to make it better. Then he followed her gaze to his own hands and small pool of blood gathering between the peaches. Somehow he managed to cut himself.

'Oh, it's nothing...' he said stupidly, still clutching the knife in the other hand.

'What? Your finger, Rumple...'

'No, no, see?' he concentrated on his magic and in a moment his finger was whole again. 'But the peaches... I suppose, I will throw them out. I'm sorry, Belle, I wasn't paying attention.'

'Rumple, the peaches are the least important part in that,' said Belle sternly, looking him in the eyes. 'You, on the other hand, are the most. I can't have you cutting your fingers off and not even noticing.'

He just nodded, smiling shyly, trying not to show how pleasant Belle attention is. He was being chastised after all, and should look at least a bit repentant.

'I think we have enough fruits anyway,' said Belle and swiftly cleaned up the table, before he tried to help her. At least he managed to take the bowl and carry it to the living room. Belle liked to sit in front of the fireplace at evenings, even now when sunset was quite late and the weather still warm. She said she just like the way the fire swirls, as if thinking intensely about something or other.

When she joined him, he immediately wrapped his arms around her and she rested her head on his shoulder. Then she took his hand in hers, trailing her delicate fingers along his, much more sturdy and calloused.

'You should be more careful, Rumple,' she said. 'You are distracted. Is there something you want to talk about?'

'No, sweetheart, thank you,' he murmured, kissing her hair and inhaling soft, vanilla scent.

'You were through so much, Rumple. If you need me, you know I'm here, right? You can come to me with everything.'

'Thank you, honey. You are my everything now. My happiness. Just be here, I don't need anything more.' He cuddled her closer. 'I love you, Belle.'

'I love you too,' said Belle, pensively. 'I miss Bae.'

He hid his face in her hair, not sure if he could say anything without his voice cracking. He wanted to comfort Belle, but first he needed to get a grip on himself. Talking about Bae was dangerous, once he started he might not be able to stop, he might break completely, and Belle didn't need him weak and broken. He needed to be strong and worthy to be with her. Even if he started it all with a lie, a deception. Even if all this shouldn't work anyway.

But Belle was the last good spot in his life and heart. And the only one that somehow seemed to keep his curse at bay.

Which practically meant that he was using Belle as a shelter from his curse. As if he didn't hurt her enough.

Yet maybe, maybe he'd manage to find another way to neutralize the curse's unwanted effects and he'd manage to become a man good enough for Belle. Maybe the mirror would be useful, somehow. Then didn't manage to find anything that he didn't already knew but still, that wasn't much. The mirrors, both of them, were bound to have much deeper history and meaning.

Not to mention that at present, they were the only option left that held the promise to be efficient and didn't involve his imminent death.

'Rumple?'

He become dimly aware that Belle was asking something and he failed to respond.

'Sorry, sweetheart, what was that?'

'I just said that I wish I had an opportunity to say goodbye to Bae...'

He nodded, because what would be a good answer to that?

'At least Emma could do it. Thanks to you. But you endured a whole year...'

'Yes, Belle,' he interrupted. 'It was completely worth it and I would do much, much more to keep Bae alive and give him a chance to talk to people he loved.' He took deep breath. 'I'm tired, sweetheart. Let's go to sleep?'

 


	3. Chapter 3

Next day started with a break-in and a burglary.

Those were words that Belle would love to see in the book, but not as a description of her very real morning.

Yet it was there – doors to the pawn shop not damaged but just not closed with a key. Which Rumple was sure wasn't the state of things when he left the shop previous evening.

She hated the slight hesitation when he said that. Rumple was always so proud of being in control. If he doubted that he closed the doors to his shop, it was worrying.

'Let's go in and check if everything is in place,' she suggested, tugging Rumple by the arm. He followed, closing his eyes briefly as he crossed the door. She knew he had magical barriers in place when he was leaving the shop. If not for the customers, he probably would have them all the time.

'Rumple?'

'It seems that no one entered. But there are ways to make it appear so.'

He seemed to have an idea, because he went to the specific place without hesitation. He stood before the glass cabinet and pointed at the empty space.

'It was Kay,' he said.

'How can you know?'

'When we met in Enchanted Forest, he had a very clever key that was able to get the bearer not only through almost any door, but also through magical barriers. And the missing item? The enchanted violin he wanted from me in the first place.'

'How come the deal wasn't completed? What was your price for the violin? The mirror?'

Rumple shook his head.

'No, I sent him to steal something for me, something I needed for the curse. But he failed, returned with empty hands and some weird ideas that I planned to take his mirror and capture him to augment its power. Then he tried to capture me and we know how that ended.'

'Is it possible to enlarge mirror's power by capturing someone?'

'I don't know. It might be so, but there is no evidence for that. And no one really experimented, which might be even weirder, come to think of it.'

'Rumple!' Belle was a bit scandalized by the matter-of-fact tone he used.

'What? It's not as if people who had the mirror over years were angels. They wanted it for the power. Perhaps they tried and discovered that it's not working. And Kay wouldn't be a very powerful addition anyway.'

'We need more research,' sighed Belle. 'There is still so many books we didn't check. Sometimes I envy this world its information networks.'

Rumple smiled.

'You will manage anyway.'

'What do you plan to do now? We should call Emma, let her know there was a break-in? And check if Kay didn't take anything else.'

Rumple's expression darkened.

'I suppose so. Can you make the call, Belle?'

That was a bit surprising, but Belle obediently fished out her phone (from next to the dagger), and made a call.

Not even fifteen minutes later, Emma barged in. Rumple winced at the force she used to open the door.

'Miss Swan, carefully. Those doors had enough for one day.'

Emma rolled her eyes.

'So, someone robbed you, Gold?'

'Not just someone. I know who it was.'

'I should have expected that. And who was that?'

'Your new friend, Kay.'

'Kay? Really, Gold? And why do you think so?'

'Because he stole the exact thing that was of value to him and because I happen to know that he posses the key that allows him to enter almost everywhere.'

Emma still looked skeptical.

'He took the enchanted violin he wanted from Rumple in the Enchanted Forest,' Belle supplied.

Emma furrowed her brows.

'I feel that there is more you should tell me about what happened in Enchanted Forest, Gold.'

'There's not,' said Rumple irritably. 'Sheriff, we called you to catch the thief, not to make an interrogation.'

Belle discretely touched his arm, but it did little to calm him. He and Emma looked at each other angrily and Belle decided against repeating aloud what Rumple told her earlier. Perhaps later she would talk to Emma in private.

'Alright,' said Emma at last. 'I'll ask Kay about the break-in and violin. You sure that wasn't someone else?'

'The only people who maybe would be able to get through the magical barriers are you and Regina,' replied Gold coldly. 'Kay had his key.'

'Snow Queen maybe?'

'No, not without her mirror, which I understand is still in Kay's possession.'

'Right. Then I'll be back in some time if something will get clear.'

Rumple nodded, with brows furrowed and eyes squinted, visibly irritated and tense. He relaxed a little when Emma disappeared behind the doors.

'I think we shouldn't have called her,' he said.

'No, Rumple, she's the sheriff, she'll help. You're not planning to come after Kay yourself, right?'

Rumple sighed and leaned heavier on the counter.

'No. Not if the Savior can do her job. But I won't allow people to just break into my shop and steal from me.' Something hard was back in his voice. Belle tentatively snuggled her arms around his waist.

'No harm done, Rumple. Only the violin, that's not much and that's not dangerous. Right? He must really love music if he's so desperate. Perhaps he wants to be an artist. Though here in Storybrooke he won't have much chance to learn.'

Rumple patter her shoulder and disentangled himself from her embrace.

'Yes. Now, sweetheart, I have quite a lot of work, I need to restore some antique pieces for clients. I think library needs to be opened soon as well.'

Belle nodded and kissed him on the cheek.

'Till evening then. Call me if you need anything, Rumple, okay?'

He made some sort of confirmatory sound and disappeared behind the curtain.

Belle sighed. Somehow she doubted he would call anyway. She headed towards library, enjoying warm autumn day and first colorful leaves on trees.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the shop's backroom, Gold took a few deep breaths and tried to calm his trembling hands.

He wanted to teleport to Kay this moment and teach him thoroughly what it meant to steal from the Dark One. A lesson he apparently did not learn from the first time.

He sat at his desk and concentrated on repairing old clock, trying to banish each and every thought from his mind.

This was not the first time his shop was broken into.

It happened before and he didn't made it such an issue.

Hell, his home was broken into, plundered and his most valuable thing was stolen (Belle! He already missed her, even if she left only moments before), and he didn't reacted as strongly as now.

No need to make such a fuss.

He'll reinstate barriers, this time in a way impenetrable to the key and that's that. The Savior will catch the little pest and teach him a lesson. This way the whole deal won't go unpunished and Belle will be happy that he didn't mete out justice himself.

He would be in a really tight spot if the Savior didn't do what she should.

There was no way such trespassing can go unaddressed by him.

But he already deceived Belle once. He couldn't repeat it. Couldn't do such a disgusting thing.

The Savior better work because right now Gold was sure he would do exactly such a disgusting thing. He won't kill Kay, but teach him a really memorable lesson, and then Belle will leave him.

And everything will be in vain.

She already took Kay's side, telling all about being a musician and about the break-in being nothing. But it really should be nothing. It was just him being a coward as usual.

The clock lied forgotten on the table for the rest of the day. It required much more concentration and steady hands than he had in days.

* * *

The last guests in library that Belle expected were Robin, Marian and little Roland, though after all it seemed obvious (at least to Belle) that Robin would work on Marian's knowledge about this new world and where better to look than in books.

'I guess you weren't properly introduced,' said Robin sheepishly. 'Marian, this is Belle, she's the one who helped me escape from the Dark Castle. Belle, this is my wife, Marian.'

Belle smiled warmly. She remembered Robin's escape well and how she started to see more and more goodness in her Rumple.

'Is it true that you are married to Rumplestiltskin?' asked Marian, looking a bit confused.

'Yes,' Belle nodded, hoping to gods that it wouldn't turn into another litany of how horrid her husband was.

'This is even weirder that this world in general,' sighed Marian. 'I'm sorry, Belle, I don't mean to hurt you. I just know Rumplestiltskin as an evil sorcerer who tortured my husband. I hope you understand...'

She paused, looking at Belle as if a bit afraid.

'I understand,' sighed Belle. 'But Rumple changed since then. He's not an evil sorcerer anymore. Well, just not evil.'

'That's the same thing that I've heard about Evil Queen.' Marian didn't look reassured. 'Well, perhaps it's true after all. I still feel so lost here. Maybe we can meet sometimes, talk, so I can try to fit here better?'

'Sure,' Belle smiled happily. The more occasion to make friends and cement the fact that all evil is firmly in the past, the better. 'Maybe we can even meet today for lunch at Granny's?'

'I would like that.' Marian looked relieved. 'Without husbands and kids. I need to feel on my own here.'

As promised, they had lunch together, sitting in one of the booths at Granny's and having nice view on the street. Marian looked at everything with interest.

'This world is so much different than ours,' she marveled. 'I like it here, even if I'm missing home. But I have Robin and Roland, while there I had only a grim perspective of swift death at the Queen's hands.' She sighed and shook her head. 'I still can't forget what she did to me, to us, to everybody back home.'

'I can imagine...' Belle looked at the woman with sympathetic eyes. 'I'm not very fond of Regina either, but she really seems to try to be better here. She has a son and she's doing it for him.'

Marian nodded pensively.

'But it can't erase what she's done, right? I mean, she murdered people without batting an eye. And I... I still have nightmares about being imprisoned by her.'

She looked down at her hands, not at Belle, and Belle felt the urge to soothe her and assure that this isn't anything to be ashamed for.

'I understand, Marian. I was her prisoner too. Back in Enchanted Forest and for all years before the curse was broken. I had nightmares too.'

'Did they end?'

Belle smiled.

'They did. I haven't dreamt of anything related in quite a long time. I think it's because Rumple was with me and I could tell him everything.'

Until they broke up and then she lost her memory and awoke as Lacey at least. But what wasn't worked through with him was picked up with Ruby and Archie, and after the whole Lacey adventure the memories of the hospital basement faded significantly, replaced by the bizarre life of adventurous but devoid of compassion witty girl, who always knew what she wanted. Though some bits of it were so embarrassing that she hoped to never meet people who might have been gifted by the curse with matching memories.

'Robin is wonderful.' Marian sighed again. 'And he listens patiently to everything I'm saying. But he... I'm sure you know. He was in love with her. He's not really able to feel for me.'

Belle's heart broke for the poor woman who couldn't even have full support of her husband. Belle knew it didn't have to be Robin's or anyone's fault, except Regina's, but still.

'If you need to talk, Marian, you can always come to me. I'll listen.'

Marion smiled with gratitude.

'Thank you, Belle. I'll remember. And Robin bought me this cell phone, I understand if we exchange numbers, we'll be able to talk to each other even from distance?'

* * *

Meanwhile, Regina was in the process of trying to banish Emma Swan from the city hall. The first, crucial mistake was letting her into the office.

'Swan, I told you I don't need a nanny or a therapist.'

Swan's face brightened with the idea.

'That's it! You were going to Archie once. Maybe you'll arrange for sessions again?'

'I was, then he rattled out that fact to the entire town and I deserve some kind of medal for not drowning him in the sea for that. I am not going to the cricket anymore. I can manage on my own. I did for many years.'

'I'm worried about you, Regina.'

'No need.' The mayor flashed her best smile, sitting behind the desk with arms crossed, the perfect figure of power and control. 'I am much stronger than that.'

Emma Swan looked skeptical. But then again, that was her natural face expression.

'Did you talk to Henry?'

'I did, I am his mother too, Miss Swan.'

'And?'

'And I don't think I want to repeat that conversation to you. It's called private for a reason.'

But something about her face or body must have betrayed her, because Swan looked more relaxed. Indeed, without Henry the world, their world at least, wouldn't stand a chance.

'We agreed that it's difficult, Miss Swan, and that we can count on each other in any situation,' she clarified. 'Also Henry invited me for dinner at Charming's, though I somehow doubt if it is such a good idea.'

'Why, great idea. I thought you reached quite an understanding with my mom and dad?'

'Yes, but it's still awkward. I'm not speaking about Henry, but it would be as getting invited so they can have an eye on me. And I don't like that.'

'I can imagine, yeah. But it's more like getting invited to be doused in persistent family love I think.'

Regina didn't suppress a small snort of laughter.

'Perhaps I'll consider this.'

She was almost convinced, because even Charmings, irritating as they were, would be an absolute win over sitting alone, drinking cider and thinking how Robin looks at her now – from distance and with doubt and disgust. He must have heard from Marian how prisoners were treated in her dungeons and the first-hand relation was bound to be horrid. It was horrid even to Regina in retrospection, reminding her of everything she fought not to be anymore. Better to think of Henry. And even Charmings, she added resignedly. Happy endings have many different forms beside having True Love.

But each time when Regina accidentally saw Marian, she was subject to cold gazes. Not only Marian looked at her like at a monster but so did whoever talked to Marian at the time, and the fury in Regina rose. She wasn't the Evil Queen anymore. People would accept that. But with Marian here, with reminder of what Regina once was, with even subtle but direct evidences and memories, things may not settle for a long time yet.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Sweet, capturing music was filling the street when Emma drove to Diana's home. She sighed. Perhaps Gold was right after all. Perhaps they needed to stop talking like an officer and a suspect and move on to actually talking. It wasn't as if they didn't have anything in common.

For now she followed the music to the small flat Diana rented. Music was awesome she had to admit, far better than she expected from someone from Fairy Tale Land whose fairy tale history didn't mention anything about music.

Diana opened the door and almost shut them back seeing the sheriff.

'I need to talk to Kay and I think you know why. May I come in?'

Diana reluctantly let Emma enter the flat and guided her to colorful, enthusiastically decorated room. Kay stopped playing and looked at Emma with hard gaze of born prince.

'I need to ask you, how did you get those violin?' asked Emma without preamble.

'I took them from Rumplestiltskin as a compensation for what he did to me,' explained Kay coldly and without remorse.

'You stole them. A compensation works differently. And in this land we actually have strict law that forbids breaking in.'

'So what are you gonna do, sheriff?'

'Kid, do we really have to talk like that? And in all truth I need to speak with your legal guardian, you're what, sixteen? That's underage.'

'Sheriff, you know he doesn't have one. Or maybe I can be one for him?' asked Diana with some hope.

Emma looked at her skeptically.

'And how old you are? Whatever, anyway, that's beside the point, appointing guardianship isn't as easy as you seem to think. And the position is already taken, I've checked. He was somehow taken into account by the curse.' Emma took deep breath. 'It would be much better if we resolve this peacefully. I'm sure Mr. Gold would be open to discussion if you return the violin and apologize.'

Kay snorted and Emma wasn't exactly surprised.

'I am afraid that the curse might have decided that doctor Andersen is your legal guardian, as your aunt. You were also dead in city register, but now that you're not, well... You don't want to take the official route of resolving it, kid.'

Kay looked furious.

'Why should I submit to your laws when I never was a part of this world? And why should I care what a stupid curse decided?! If so, then maybe the curse made her a murderess also in this world and you should lock her up and sentence to death?'

'Even if, that won't nullify your theft. And any sentencing requires evidence. I have it in your case. Which doesn't mean I trust doctor Andersen and that I don't remember that you are scared that she'll hurt you. She won't, I promise. Now, the violin. Give it back, Kay. If you want it, you should buy it. Also, I don't want to hear that you are using that magical key of yours for anything illegal or stupid.'

Kay stared at her like animal trapped in cage. He clutched the violin protectively to his chest.

'Kid, don't be afraid.' Emma stepped closer. 'She won't hurt you. And I just want to keep you out of trouble. I don't suppose you have money to buy that violin, but maybe you can trade something for them?'

'Rumplestiltskin would want the mirror. And he can't get it. No telling what he would do with it.'

Emma personally doubted that the mirror would be such a tremendous addition to Gold's potential to cause trouble, but kept that opinion to herself.

'The key!' Diana chipped in. 'I couldn't afford to buy the violin too, but maybe Mr. Gold would be willing to trade them for the magical key.'

Emma considered it. Would it be safe to give Gold such a thing? But he probably has every mean to break and enter magical and non-magical barriers anyway. If anything, he may just refuse the key as too low price.

'I'll call him,' she decided at last. 'We'll see.'

Gold picked the phone after such a long time that she thought it wouldn't work.

'Yes,' he agreed at once. 'If you throw in a favor from you.'

'Something specific, Gold?'

'No, just like the last one.'

This was told in a quiet voice without any malice or double meaning. Emma hoped that this one wouldn't end in such discoveries though.

* * *

From Diana's flat Emma drove to the hospital, for another chat with doctor Andersen.

'You again, sheriff?' asked the doctor, looking at her tiredly.

'If you don't mind, I'd like to talk.'

The cardiologist sighed.

'I'm too exhausted to argue with you, sheriff. I've just had bypass operation. This is not a good moment.'

'I insist anyway. There is the matter of legal guardianship over Kay.'

'Indeed.'

'But Kay is scared of you and accuses you of murdering his parents. So now I'm just asking you: what happened to them?'

Doctor Andersen didn't speak until they were in her office. This time she didn't sit, instead she stood by the window, looking at parking space and the forest in distance.

'What happened to them...' she sighed. 'I was driving the car. They were sitting in the back, with little Kay in a baby seat. We were arguing. And I lost control of the car. They died and it was a miracle that Kay lived. I never drove a car after that, didn't even got into one as passenger. Fortunately, it's a small town, I can manage going by foot. I raised Kay, but one day he vanished. The sheriff and many other people were looking for him but he was never found. Eventually he was officially pronounced dead.'

Emma looked at her unrelentingly.

'You know I was asking what really happened.'

'Something very similar, sheriff.' Doctor Andersen turned completely to the window, not letting Emma see her face. Her voice was calm, quiet, controlled, but sad nonetheless. 'We were arguing, I felt threatened, lost control of my magic. You have magic too, right? Do not tell me you are always able to control it.'

'What about Kay?'

'I had to run and how was I supposed to leave him there alone, among people who didn't love him as I did. I took him and raised him. From then I was known as the Snow Queen if you are interested in that detail. Somehow Kay discovered the truth. I let him go to the nearby town, couldn't keep him all the time alone in the ice castle. Someone must have told him something. He stole my mirror and ran after that.'

'My parents told me that you've met with them, searching for Kay.'

'Ah, yes. Snow and Charming. They couldn't help me though.'

The was a silence, for a few quite a long moments.

'Thank you, doctor Andersen. Your story here fits with what my files tell me, and for the real story... It sounds good, but I still must insist that you don't contact Kay on your own. He's safe and he could use some rest.'

'I know. But he was in my mirror. There is no telling what it could have done to him. I know he doesn't want to see me now. But sheriff, keep an eye on him and at some point I will be requesting to talk to him. In your presence if it has to be so.'

'Fair enough,' Emma nodded. 'Alright, thank you doctor.'

* * *

Henry was on his way to his grandparents' home when Emma called him.

'Hey, kid! Need a lift?'

'Sure, mom. I was at Regina's.'

'Oh?'

Henry sighed.

'She seems to be managing somehow. But this is all so not right.'

'Too many things ain't, kid. I hope she really knows she can count on us all.'

Henry smiled.

'I think that may be what will make her stronger after all this. Where are you going, mom? Station?'

'No, I have something for Gold.'

'Can I come too?'

'Sure. Maybe he'll be less willing to bite this time. Are you sure that this book of yours has nothing on Kay and the Snow Queen?'

'Nope. I'm afraid the book told us everything it was meant to tell. But Kay told you that grandpa Gold wanted to trap him in the mirror to use the mirror himself and to strengthen its power. Yet it was just laying around in the vault when you were there.'

'Maybe he didn't have time to get to that part before we snatched it into the portal.'

'And in the unchanged timeline? I just don't know what the mirror would be useful for. Kay told us it has ice powers and can answer one question per person.'

'And can trap people forever.'

'Yeah, that too.'

They were in front of the pawn shop at that moment, so the conversation was cut off. Emma entered the shop taking care to open the door with a bit less amount of energy than before.

'Hi, grandpa,' chimed in Henry, coming close to the counter. Gold looked up from some papers with mild surprise.

'Henry,' he smiled. Then, more businesslike he added, 'Sheriff. Do you have it?'

'Right here.' Emma laid small key on the counter. It was made of brass, had a big ear and a green fringe attached to it.

'Thank you. I trust you warned him to not try anything again?'

'Sure. But he's pretty mad at you. Can't say I'm surprised.'

Gold didn't respond for a while.

'One day you might consider telling me what happened,' Emma sighed. 'Because something's telling me that Kay isn't entirely truthful.'

Gold looked at papers he had on the counter.

'Perhaps. Now, sheriff, I have much work to do.'

'Grandpa?' Henry sounded thoughtful, serious.

'Yes, Henry?'

Emma noted that there was no impatience in Gold's voice now.

'I was wondering if I can ask you something. I meant to come for some time actually.'

Now Emma was surprised. But Henry always had a mind of his own.

'What can I help you with, Henry?'

Henry hesitated and looked quickly at Emma.

'Mom doesn't have to stay for it if you don't want to. And I won't insist if you don't want to do it at all.'

Gold looked surprised, but gradually understanding was dawning in. Emma too was suspecting where this was leading.

'Can you tell me about my father? What he was like as a kid and teenager? I didn't have much time to spent with him. And I miss him.'

'I miss him, too' said Gold quickly, drawing breath sharply. 'I will tell you, Henry. But not today. Is that alright?'

Henry smiled.

'Yes. I'll wait, but I'll remind you about your promise if it takes too long.'

Gold nodded. Emma felt that he just want them both out of his shop. Henry must felt that too, because he quickly bid him goodbye. Emma wondered if she wanted to hear about Neal as a kid. Maybe someday, she decided. Not now, though. And judging by Gold's expression, it wouldn't be a good idea anyway.

When they left the shop, Emma turned her head around for a moment and noticed that the sign on the door was now flipped to 'closed'.

* * *

He remembered only when he entered his house and closed the door. But Belle was in the entry hall already, with smile and a greeting, so he didn't have time to correct it with magic.

'Belle, I'm so sorry... I forgot about the eggs.'

Belle, deliciously sweet in her kitchen apron and smudges of flour on the cheek, sighed.

'I texted you twice about it...'

'I know, sweetheart, I know,' he cut in. 'I can just...'

'No,' she said firmly. 'You promised, no unnecessary magic. Well, I'll just go get them myself.'

'No, no, I'll go! I'll be quick! I was meant to buy them. It will be ten minutes at most, the shop is close.'

Belle nodded.

'Alright. I'll make something that doesn't require eggs for the moment.'

He hurried back to the car feeling like a useless idiot. He was toying with the idea of magically creating the eggs without actually going to the shop, only driving the car around a few streets. But he promised Belle, so he gritted his teeth and went to the supermarket, hoping to make it quick.

He chose a few more things that Belle liked and paused over frozen vegetables. How different this world was from the Frontlands. How different his life was. How wonderful it would be to be able to buy little Bae vegetables every day. Not to mention meat. And all kinds of fruits. And sweets. Gold shook his head and went on. He had a reputation to maintain and it wouldn't do him any good to be caught daydreaming over packs of frozen broccoli.

Still, this was surreal and cruel, even if he knew well that as a Dark One he couldn't possibly have a happy ending. He was awfully sure that he would taint and ruin Belle as well and that the whole marriage was an unbelievably selfish and wrong thing on his part, and a mistake, and he never should have hurt Belle like that. And yet at the same time he was constantly grateful and surprised she wanted him. Even the simplest things that Belle was doing, coffee brewed in the morning, a shirt ironed, his favorite cookies baked, everything was like a fuzzy dream.

'Sir?' cashier's voice brought him back to reality. He quickly paid the woman, sparing some effort to look as menacingly as ever, even if holding eggs and groceries and two bars of Belle's favorite chocolate.

 


	5. Chapter 5

There was something about small routines that made life easier, decided Gold, coming home for the second time that day. Before the curse broke, Mr. Gold had led an erratic lifestyle, often skipping meals or going to sleep late, caught up with work. Now supper was always at the same hour and he made sure that Belle didn't get too caught in whatever book she was reading. She might read each night till the very dawn and he wasn't about to let his wife go without enough sleep. Belle was doing the same for him, not letting him work too much. Not when there were much more pleasant things to do in the evenings, anyway. He smiled, wanting to already close his arms around Belle and have her body against his.

Yes, routine was good. This was like Belle caring about him, but in that sweet, indirect way that allowed him to pretend that he wasn't all that dependent on her care. Because he was dependent, so much dependent, it kept him together, and he was ashamed he couldn't keep himself together on his own. Every other person, hero or villain, went through terrible things too – and no one seemed to have so many problems as him, the village coward.

He sighed, entering the kitchen and laying his shopping bags on the table, noticing how Belle's eyes lit up at the sight of the chocolate. Perhaps he was forgiven for the eggs.

After the supper, they sat in front of the fire, Belle with a stack of books. She found something about the mirrors and wanted to run it by him.

'There is a small mention of two sibling mirrors that belonged to the first Dark One.'

'First Dark One?' Gold suddenly become more alert. 'There isn't much known for sure about the first one, it's all drowning in legends and made up tales. I managed to discover only that he ruled quite a good part of lands, more than a half of current kingdoms. Somehow the history in Fairy Tale Land is so less appreciated than here. He was known for his collection of powerful artifacts that made him invincible in addition to his Dark One power. Or at least almost invincible I guess.'

'The book is written centuries later, but references older sources. It calls the Snow Queen's mirror the 'Nightmare Mirror' and the other one the 'Dream Mirror'. It states that looking into them could bring up darkness from every soul.'

'Yes, I believe it could... Perhaps the first Dark One made the mirrors especially for that.'

'So he would have people who would be willing to do bad things for him?'

'Perhaps, yes.'

'That's awful.'

Gold sighed.

'That's what being the Dark One is.'

'No, Rumple, don't say such things. You sound as if you're saying it about yourself. That's not right. You were able to become a good man.'

He just embraced Belle tightly and tried not to think about the dagger. He wasn't able to become a good man. And Belle was generally too optimistic about people and darkness they carried inside. She didn't really understand how curse's control over him works when she tried to free him from Zelena's cage. Now she might have understood a bit better, but still not everything.

Yet she would understand more both about his past experiences and fears, and about curse's influence, only if he was able to tell her.

And he, cowardly as always, simply couldn't bring himself to do it.

* * *

Gold slipped out of the bedroom as quietly as he could. He had an idea of getting something to drink, but once in the kitchen, he just went to the window and looked at the dark, silent street.

He could tell Belle something. He wasn't sure how much would he be able to tell, but maybe when he did, things would be easier for the next time.

But Belle would want him to tell her everything. And if he told her everything, he would break her heart.

And that breaking could go in more than one way.

She would want him without magic. But she was under impression that he was able to be something without the magic.

He wasn't.

At least, that was what he had learned through over 300 years. It counted for something, right?

He could tell her how scared he was. He could let her see that he had nightmares of the past year.

And of the past over 300 years too.

But Belle herself went through so much, there was no reason to burden her with that.

Potions allowing for not sleeping and being functional were really handy in that matter.

But yes, he knew that this was broken, twisted, unhealthy thing to do. Every time he did it he felt the curse getting stronger. Every time he didn't do it, he felt enormous urge from it to do.

Because that was the curse's way – finding the desperate piece of one's soul and offering solutions that could make its hold stronger.

He imagined that was what alcoholism or drug dependence was like. An easy, quick way to feel better, that doesn't last for long. And need that never leaves, only can be put to sleep for a while.

And if he was stronger and more courageous, he would fight it better. He was better at it than in Fairy Tale Land, thanks to Belle, but the curse was getting more and more aggressive and sneaky. Or maybe only he was getting weaker and more desperate to just survive the next day without facing things he had no idea how to face.

He wanted to give up and rest. Hand over all initiative to the curse, because fighting it was more and more unbearable. An alcoholic would drink himself unconscious. He would probably go and murder everybody who might be a threat or wronged him in any way. And the curse wouldn't let him stop searching for more and more threats. Not a hard job anyway, he was a coward after all. And grew up in a world where thorough, violent vengeance was practically the only sure way to be safe.

Probably he'd eventually murder all of Storybrooke. Probably Belle first. She was a threat to the curse. She would jump in defense of someone. She would try to stop him.

And she wouldn't even have the real dagger, because his first act would be getting it back.

He realized that he was crying.

He really needed to do something before he would break completely, his heart would die, he would die and the curse would overtake him. Find a way to free himself.

But the True Love's Kiss did not work for him in Storybrooke. He still didn't know why, he was only certain that it was his, not Belle's, fault. He just didn't know how exactly.

But then he would have to live without magic. Completely.

Experimentally, as one who pokes a hurting spot, he withdraw spells that were holding him in, well, presentable shape.

His head hurt from lack of sleep and he felt dizzy. He had to lean on the window to lift his leg a bit, because the pain in his ankle was sharp and unforgiving. And there was that telling tightness in his chest. The blackening, damaged heart. Which would likely still be damaged after breaking the curse - the damage was a price to pay, not part of the curse itself. True Love's Kiss would only stop the progress.

But the progress was far too big already.

Quickly, he redid all the spells.

But he didn't go back to the bedroom for an hour at least. He just sat at the kitchen table and let himself cry.

* * *

Was that only her imagination or did Regina look a bit green, Emma wondered.

'Everything fine?' she said in a low voice, when dinner at Charmings' run its course and everybody settled in the living room to rest and talk.

Regina, awkwardly sitting in the new, plushy armchair, shot her a look worthy of an Evil Queen.

'Of course.'

Emma wasn't convinced.

'You don't look well.'

'Too much charming love around to not be nauseated,' snickered Regina looking at Mary Margaret and David completely absorbed by gurgling noises that baby Neal was making.

'Do you...'

'Excuse me,' Regina mumbled suddenly and almost run in the direction of the toilet.

Mary Margaret looked at Emma questioningly.

'Just a terrible cliché,' Emma sighed instead of explanation. 'Let me handle this one, okay?'

She got up and a moment later was quietly knocking on the bathroom doors.

'Regina? I'm coming in.'

Regina was currently rather a sorry sight, crumpled on the floor and supporting herself with one hand on the toilet.

'Not. One. Word. Swan,' she tried to growl menacingly.

Emma shook her head in understanding and handed Regina a cup of water. Then she closed the door, sat on the floor too and waited.

'Of all things to happen this one is one step too melodramatic,' said Regina eventually.

'So you know for sure?'

'Since this morning. Because I felt like that since yesterday and of course this has to be the most probable explanation for the Evil Queen dumped by her True Love, Robin Hood. Gods, how glad I am that I've cast the curse, without all pop cultural context of this world I would miss two thirds of irony here!'

'You wanna talk about that?'

'Swan, I've been a single mother before. And back then I was inexperienced and evil. I'd say now I have much better chances to do the job right.'

'Sure, also because now you have us. We'll help.'

Regina rolled her eyes.

'Hey, I know it's not easy to start thinking like that. But at the end of the day this actually is better than counting only on oneself.'

'Stop that or I'll get even more sick,' Regina squirmed. 'I'll say it only once, I understand. And now may I return to being angry and grumpy and displeased with everything? Because it's incredibly appealing.'

Emma smiled.

'Sure. When I had Henry, the peppermint tea was good for throwing up, by the way. And speaking of Henry, he'll be thrilled to be a big brother.'

Regina almost smiled, which was something.

'May I ask what about Robin? When will you tell him?'

'When I will actually need alimony,' sneered Regina, cringing.

Emma raised her eyebrows.

'Swan, what am I supposed to do? I'm trying to learn to let other people be other people and not control them. If I tell Robin now, it will look like manipulation.'

'So you're gonna wait and then pretend that the child is... what? Born by parthenogenesis?'

Regina rested her forehead on the toilet.

'In moments like this I wish I could be an Evil Queen again. I would not care then. Or I would find some idiot who would pretend to be the child's father so I wouldn't have to tell Robin. Or I would use my child to make Robin come back to me. I wanted to do that at first. And now? Of course I'm telling him. I'm telling and waiting for his reaction, and I'm sure as hell he'll want to actually be a father, which means I'm saddled with him for at least next nineteen freakin' years of co-parenting. I suppose this is still a fairly mild punishment for all my crimes.'

Emma looked at her intently.

'You don't hope that this will bring Robin back to you.'

Regina clenched both her fists, digging sharp, red nails into her palms' flesh.

'I do not want Robin back,' she said slowly. 'Robin made his decision. He is with his wife. And I am not going to plead with him to come back, I am better than that. I am not some fragile princess who can't face reality and can't control her impulses. You all don't have to worry, I may not be as evil as I was once, but I didn't forget how to be a queen.'

* * *

Belle, having found another bit of the mirror-puzzle, almost run into the bedroom where Rumple was already preparing for bed. Belle meant to join him, but the book caught her attention completely. There's nothing on earth like old legends that are partially true but you just can't be sure which part happened for real and what is a product of wonderful imagination.

Rumple was standing by the window, already in pajamas, with his back to her, so she run to him and caught his arm.

'I found...'

Next thing she knew, she was sitting on the floor, book thrown away and her arm hurt.

Rumple was looking at her with wild eyes, full of horror, frozen in panic. He slumped against the window and sagged onto the floor.

'Oh, Belle...' he whispered. 'Oh no, Belle, I am so sorry, so sorry, I didn't want to, I didn't, truly, Belle, forgive me...'

He was trembling and Belle saw tears flowing down his cheeks until he lowered his head completely, cowering from her gaze and curling himself into a tight ball.

'Rumple...'

She crawled closer.

'Hey... Rumple?' She touched his arms, very gently, feeling as if she was approaching a little animal, like a rabbit, which might flee any moment, scared by any move too violent.

'Rumple, sweetheart,' Belle took both of his hands and rubbed gently with her thumbs. 'I'm alright. Nothing happened, no harm. There's no need for you to worry. Do you hear me?'

Rumple nodded miserably, still having his head hung low. Belle prodded him to stand up and guided him to sit on the bed.

'If anything this was my fault. I shouldn't surprise you like that.'

Rumple shook his head fervently.

'Not your fault. Never, Belle, of course it's not your fault. Oh, Belle, I hit you. I am so sorry...' Fresh tears started to flow and Rumple pulled away, clearly ashamed.

'Rumple, this is not your fault either. I scared you. And I can see that you are exhausted and worried. I am worried about you. I wish you could talk to me of what happened to you during the last year.'

Her husband shook his head again.

'You know what happened. Bae is dead. I couldn't do anything to save him. I failed. And now I hurt you...' his voice cracked. Belle gently coaxed him to lie on the bed, beneath the sheets.

'I'm not angry with you. You didn't know it was me. You just reacted, don't you remember that I had such moments too, when I was freed from the asylum? It's not your fault. Do you believe me, Rumple?'

He cringed, blinked to chase away the tears, then finally nodded.

'You I believe...' he whispered. 'But I am very sorry, Belle...'

'Shh, I know. I forgive you. Even if there's nothing to forgive in the first place.'

'There is. And how I love you for that, Belle...' He reached for her with both arms, pulling her close. 'You who is with the monster, regardless of what he's done.'

'Rumple, we've been through this. You're not a monster.'

'I am. There are heroes like you, Emma and the Charmings, then there are villains like Cora and her daughter, and then there are monsters. Regina also was a villain, but she changed. Only monsters don't change. They can't change, can't control themselves...'

Belle couldn't suppress her own tears at that point.

'Rumple, please, don't talk like this.'

There was a moment's silence.

'I'm sorry, Belle,' Rumple said finally, with more sober voice. 'I'm sorry. I'm not saying anything more, see? Don't cry, sweetheart, please. Don't cry...'

His voice was now gentle, pleading, soft. He petted lightly her hair.

'Don't cry...'

'Rumple, don't worry about me. I didn't mean it like that. I really think you're not a monster. Okay?'

He nodded, but without conviction. Still, he cuddled closer to her and she did the same, though she started to feel more and more helpless.

* * *

The nasty mood didn't leave her for the next day and the day after that. Rumple was attentive, sweet and caring, she could tell he was trying to make up for all the distress he had caused her.

Yet she felt like a hamster running nowhere, only getting tired. Fortunately the next evening she had a meeting with Ruby planned. Rumple assured her multiple times that she should go and was growing uncomfortable at her reluctance and worry. So Belle went to the meeting with strong intention to make it a relief, a battery charging and seek some advice from Ruby. It was wonderful to have a long-term best friend to share her thoughts with, that was something she's always missed, first as a princess with her nose in the books and then as a Rumplestiltskin caretaker. Not to mention the whole kidnapping business. Her relationship with Rumple was something else and it was wonderful to have both a husband and a friend in her life.

'You look worried, Belle,' said Ruby without preamble, but also without bold and demanding tones that Emma was always using. Ruby herself knew well how it is to not really believe in one's own abilities and somehow this made her much safer person to talk to. Belle felt grateful for having such a friend.

'I am,' she sighed. She didn't really wanted to discuss Rumple behind his back, but some advice and some simple relief by talking would be very welcomed.

'What's wrong?' asked Ruby lowering her voice. There was no need for the whole diner to hear them. Perhaps they should have gone to the Rabbit Hole after all.

'It's hard to say...' Belle carefully chose her words. 'And I don't want to say too much, those things aren't only mine to tell. But I'm worried about Rumple. He... He clearly is worried about something himself, but he doesn't want to tell me. I have a feeling that there is more than he lets me see. He's grieving for Bae, of course, and he had a horrible year when Zelena had the dagger, everyone knows that. And I feel alone with it and I don't even know what I should do.'

Ruby looked at her warmly and nodded.

'You're not alone, Belle, you can always come talk to me. And I'm sure there are others that would want to help you. Leroy for once, though I'm not sure with what he'd help. But he'll be surely up to go for a drink, Astrid too. And for more professional help you can always go to Archie. Even if he's a bit distracted by Tink right now.'

Belle shook her head.

'Rumple would be angry if I went to doctor Hopper behind his back.'

'Then until you convince him otherwise, maybe you can dig something up in the library? Surely there must be a book that you can use?'

Belle laughed, even if with tears.

'Ruby, you're right. I can't believe I didn't think of it. I'll search for something first thing tomorrow.'

Ruby sipped her iced tea.

'You know, one day I may ask you to lend me such a book. It would be nice to have some manual to men who think they are monsters.'

Belle frowned. This reminded him of the talk with Rumple two days ago.

'Victor sometimes brings this up,' explained Ruby. 'But then again, I'm a monster too.'

'No, you're not.'

'I ate my boyfriend,' reminded her Ruby gently. 'I'm not telling you this to feel sorry for myself or try to scare you or anything like that. I mean I have some experiences that I may use to understand others, and by others I mean mainly Victor. That's quite precious, and in reverse, I know he can understand more about me than other men.'

Belle felt as if something heavy fell on her.

'That's it, perhaps...'

'What is, Belle?'

'I can't understand Rumple, because I don't share his experiences... Oh, that's so obvious now. I was a princess, and he was a spinner. He still didn't tell me much about these days. I had so much and he had so little, he went through much more than I did. No wonder he doesn't think I can understand.'

Ruby looked a bit guilty, fidgeting with a napkin and tapping her long, red nails on the table.

'I didn't mean it like that, Belle. What I and Victor have can't be the only way to build a relationship. You had a different life than your husband and that's why you can give him new things, things he couldn't gain on his own. I'm sure there is so much you can give.'

'Like what?'

'Like your ability to see good in people. I haven't seen anyone poor and in hardships with such a bright, optimistic outlook. Maybe there are such people, but they are rare. And you had a chance to be like that. Use it.'

'That was what started the whole relationship perhaps...' sighed Belle. 'But things were somewhat easier in the Fairy Tale Land. Somehow now there are things I didn't even imagine existed. So much details. And...'

She hesitated. This was Ruby, she could tell her. Ruby wouldn't judge her, right?

'Belle?'

'I... I sometimes don't even want to try,' Belle blurted out. 'Sometimes I think this isn't what I wanted. I wanted adventures, right? I wanted to see the world. I wanted to learn everything, see everything, see what life can be. I... I miss this.'

She lowered her head, ashamed.

'Belle, there's nothing wrong with dreaming!'

'But I should help Rumple. I feel there's something wrong. But he is so damn good at not letting it out. And I don't know what is genuine and what is faked. And it's so damn tempting to let it all pass as truth. He covers every problem so efficiently and it's so, so, so tempting to just let him cover it all and not have to deal with it, be happy. I was so happy when we got married, but now... I thought we solved problems, but there are still new ones, and new, and I just want us to be happy, Ruby. It breaks my heart.'

'Oh, Belle.' Ruby took her hand and squeezed. 'Don't worry, you are strong. And Gold is no weakling too, he's so smart and has such knowledge... You'll figure it out. And I'm here for you to talk, remember. And Emma and Henry are Neal's family, meaning they're your family too. You should somewhat share the responsibility, because it's not gonna work if you short-circuit yourself at some point.'

Belle smiled.

'Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm letting in too much pessimism.' She took a deep breath. 'Small steps,' she decided. 'I'll look for books. I'll be there for Rumple, in small everyday things and I'm sure he'll finally decide to talk, especially if it is something really important. And tomorrow I'll take him shopping. We need some distraction.'

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who read and all who gave kudos. I hope you'll continue to enjoy the story. Comments are always appreciated. :) 
> 
> There is a stand-alone story, That Rabbit, third in the NGP series, describing the arrival of Thumper at Gold's household. Chronologically it takes place just before this chapter. (Thumper will make an appearance also in my modern AU series.)
> 
> Also, as of now I can be found of Tumblr:  
> http://revever.tumblr.com/

'He's so cute!'

'So sweet!'

'What a beautiful bunny!'

Thumper, her birthday present from Rumple, was basking in the wonderment of Belle's guests. Belle was basking in the simple fact that she had friends to invite and nice, welcoming home to invite them into. Rumple was a bit grumpy over it, trying to persuade her otherwise, but agreed after some tender kisses and looks. He didn't really look as if he was able to deny her anything and Belle was grateful for the warm feeling it brought. It was pretty much the same with the sweet, little bunny. It was enough that she expressed her awe over these cute creatures during their shopping trip and a few days later Rumple presented her with a rabbit and a collection of rabbit's utensils worth a small fortune. In short words, it was wonderful.

So presently Rumple was in his shop and Belle was sitting over tea in their living room with Diana and Marian. Ruby had to work, but Marian didn't work anywhere yet and Diana's working hours in the hospital were conveniently irregular. That way they've been able to meet during the day, immediately after closing the library, without awkwardness of either of them meeting Rumple.

Marian picked Thumper up and was petting him gently, holding him on her knees.

'That's a very cute birthday present, Belle,' said Diana, feeding Thumper a carrot. 'Who knew that Mr. Gold would think of something like that.'

Belle sighed and reminded herself that they had best intentions. But when light, nice topics of conversation run out, what remained was pretty ugly. Still, baby steps.

'He's very considerate and caring, he saw me admiring these bunnies earlier during the shopping trip.'

Marian looked at her seriously.

'I still feel a little bit uneasy in his home, Belle. I know we came to you, for your birthday, but the very fact that with any other friends we would celebrate it with both of you... I'm sorry, Belle, I don't want to hurt you. But you too went through so much at Regina's hands, I guess it makes me a little protective.'

Belle smiled, a bit blank.

'No need, really, but thank you for the sentiment. You seem to think I'm in some sort of danger from Rumple. I'm not, really.'

Marian sighed.

'I'm sorry. But Robin showed me a movie yesterday.' Marion looked a bit shell-shocked from the amount of modern devices around. 'It was called The Godfather. And I just thought... Have you seen that movie, Belle? I understand it's a well known one.'

'Yes, I have...' replied Belle, groaning inwardly. When did this little party went in such a nasty direction?

'Then I can't help but think about the ending. Are you sure that your husband tells you everything?'

'Yes, I'm sure he tells me everything important.'

'I thought that even if he's nice to you, if he changed for you, he still might be the old Rumplestiltskin for other people. The Rumplestiltskin who tortured Robin. Are you sure he told you everything he did in Neverland for example? I mean, you have no way of checking.'

'I don't need to check,' said Belle, exasperated. 'I trust him.'

And that she did, she trusted him to be a better man, to not kill in vengeance, to not hide from her important things, to let her into his life.

But Marian's words awoke something in her, as much as she hated that. She still couldn't shake this off when this evening they settled into their bed.

Doubt. Suspicion.

Neverland. Bae mentioned that Tamara died in Neverland. To this day Belle didn't think of it much, but now she wondered if Rumple had had something to do with that. He had believed that Tamara had killed Bae in that moment... But no, he couldn't have. He would have told tell her, right?

She wondered if she should ask him about Tamara. If she could ask him. Because if he had killed her in vengeance? Belle felt very acutely that she was such a coward. She didn't want to ask. She would have to draw consequences, of killing and also of not telling her. And she didn't want to. She wanted them to be happy.

But she was afraid he really had killed, that much she had to admit to herself. And she was afraid she'd have to leave after learning that, because she didn't want to be naive, lied to and manipulated. And yet she was a coward.

And they still didn't talk.

But, on the other hand, if he's innocent, such a question might hurt him. And now, when he was grieving and recovering from past year, she really didn't want to hurt him.

She would simply have to wait a bit for an answer. And if he did kill her... Then they would talk. And they would see to it together. This would be difficult, but maybe better than leaving, like she did after his attack on Regina. Then it gave her much needed independence, a feeling of standing on her own feet in a new world. Now she had it – she had her job, the apartment over library, much more knowledge, an income (which now admittedly fed her own book collection), she could live on her own any moment, she wasn't dependent on her husband. And leaving would be always an option if he was... unrepentant.

* * *

Belle was looking at him strangely. Gold was feeling uneasy under that stare. They were lying in bed, she was reading a book by the light of the lamp on their nightstand, while he turned his lamp off and settled on the pillow, snuggled close to Belle.

She was petting his hair with one hand, but she kept casting him those weird, quick looks. As if she was trying to decide something.

As if she wasn't sure of something. What Belle might have doubts about?

'Belle, is everything alright?'

'Yes, Rumple, of course.'

She seemed embarrassed.

'Belle?'

He hated how pitiful this sounded, hated the fear that gripped him suddenly. Belle was embarrassed, because he wasn't meant to know. He wasn't meant to know, because she somehow saw what he was. Either she saw the coward or the monster. And she wondered if the marriage was a good decision.

And it wasn't. Because he was both the coward and the monster. The monster lashed out, but the coward dictated directions and goals. Being a monster was the only way to not be afraid. But this wasn't what Belle would want. Belle would want a man who is not afraid and who doesn't need the monster, who is brave and kind as she is.

He felt her hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently.

'Rumple?... Rumple?...'

He looked at her questioningly.

'You were miles away in your head.'

'Oh. Sorry...'

Belle smiled at him. She looked as if she made the decision, she looked lovely, and strong, and determined. And she was smiling at him. And she turned off her lamp and wrapped him in her arms. So maybe not everything was lost.

Maybe she'll have him for a little while longer then.

* * *

The next day in the shop, Gold found a little, golden pendant with pearls and sapphires. It was a tiny, masterfully crafted thing and it belonged once to a queen who traded it for a medicine for her child. Though Rumplestiltskin wouldn't admit it to anyone, the chosen payment was dictated by two things – he wasn't able to charge much for curing a child and he imagined immediately how fitting the little trinket was for his maid.

Yet it was shortly before the aborted True Love's kiss and in subsequent rage he destroyed the thing. But it wasn't irreparable. Even if he had to spend a better part of the day repairing it without magic, he will have something that he could give his beautiful Belle. This wasn't much, but he didn't really have more.

Sitting at his worktable and falling into familiar routine of manual work, he let his thoughts drift. This was just a little bauble, really nothing. But many years ago this could have fed him and Bae for such a long time! His precious boy would get proper food and new clothes. He would undoubtedly ask his papa for a new toy and sweets, and Rumplestiltskin would buy him whatever he wanted. Bae would thank him, would smile at him and Rumplestiltskin would feel strong, needed, able to care for his boy.

He blinked a few times to chase the tears that obscured his view. He wouldn't want to ruin Belle's present. At least this way he would show Belle that he's so grateful for her presence in his life. He would feel like a proper husband, showering his wife in gifts.

The bell at the entrance door interrupted these thoughts. Gold sighed. At least he wasn't crying anymore.

Before he had time to get up, Henry peeked into the backroom.

'Grandpa?'

'Hello, Henry,' Gold smiled. Henry looked so much like Bae at this age, how was it possible, he never noticed that before the discovery that he's his grandson?

'I wondered if this is good time to talk?' the boy asked quietly and slowly.

'I suppose,' Gold agreed, not seeing any better time in the future. Perhaps it would be best to get it done.

'Great!' Henry grabbed a chair and sat on the opposite side of the workbench. 'What's that?'

'Present for Belle. I need to put the pearls back into their place. I will continue this as we speak, is that alright?'

'Sure. I kind of like watching how things are repaired anyway. I wonder...' he hesitated.

'Yes, Henry?'

'Did my dad like working like that? He seemed to be very practical.'

'He was. Resourceful and smart. He was able to do many works around the house.'

'Have you taught him spinning?'

Gold smiled.

'He really didn't have patience for that one. I imagine he would be a craftsman if...' he sighed instead.

'I don't even know what he was doing for living in New York...'

'I don't know too,' admitted Gold very quietly. There was a long period of silence following that.

'Sometimes...' said Henry finally, 'sometimes I think I'd rather not know him at all. It could be easier than knowing and losing him so soon.'

'I wouldn't want tha,t' said Gold firmly. 'Every memory of my boy is precious.'

In fact he contemplated taking memory potion early after being freed from Zelena. But he quickly dismissed the idea, scared that he even thought of erasing his boy in such a way. He still felt deeply ashamed of considering it. He wouldn't be so vulnerable, of course, and the coward in him screamed in terror, but all other things aside, it would be painfully noticeable for everyone if he were to remove his memories of Bae. And so, so pathetic.

He felt his cheeks burning in shame, but Henry didn't comment on it.

'On the other hand I want to remember what a hero my dad was. He died to save us all.'

'Yes, Henry,' whispered Gold. 'My brave boy.'

His brave boy. Gold felt acutely how he had failed him. It wasn't Bae who should have died.

They talked for a while longer, Henry asking for mundane bits of his father's life in the Frontlands.

'I have to go,' sighed Henry finally, looking at his watch. 'I have homework to do. Thank you, grandpa. For everything.'

Gold smiled, a bit surprised.

'You're welcome, Henry. If... if you want, we can talk more one day,' he added tentatively. Henry smiled.

'I'd like that.'

He stood up and turned with all the enthusiasm of a young boy and didn't notice the ornate vase on the table behind him. It fell and shattered unceremoniously.

'It's nothing,' said Gold quickly, before Henry would have gotten any ideas of not returning to the shop in fear of angering him, of something like that. Gold waved his hand and the antique was whole again.

'Cool,' smiled Henry. 'Can you perhaps... teach me?'

'Teach you?'

'Magic.'

Gold inhaled sharply, feeling lost. For a moment he looked everywhere in the room instead of his grandson.

Bae hated magic.

'I think you should talk about that to your mothers. Both of them have their own magic.'

Not the cursed one.

'But you're Rumplestiltskin. You know everything there is about it.'

'Still, this isn't something for me to do or decide. Talk to them. I'm serious.'

Henry seemed disappointed but he didn't argue anymore.

Perhaps he won't come back, Gold thought, when the boy bid his goodbyes. Perhaps that would be for the best. Gold was tired and drained, even if talking about Bae with Henry felt surprisingly nice. And less connections meant less vulnerability, less break-ups when Henry would see the monster in him and less options for his enemies to explore to hurt him and his family.

Yes, it would be for the best if Henry didn't come back.

* * *

This has to end, decided Gold, returning home with a stack of books from the shop in his car. The curse, the dagger, was a liability and he couldn't afford to have one.

He needed a way to have his magic but get rid of the dagger which could control him.

Maybe the mirrors would be helpful, especially the so-called Nightmare Mirror. It was in Kay's possession right now, but that won't be a big obstacle.

He sat for a while in the car, pondering what to tell Belle. He surely couldn't admit that he was so scared that he'd do anything that it takes to have power without any means for anyone to control it. If anything, Belle would be angry. She didn't like the fact that he had the power in the first place. Bae didn't like it. It was the very thing that destroyed their life, even if it helped save Bae from the war and even end the war. Belle would expect him to be able to protect her without magic, something that he just wasn't able to do.

But now he wasn't also able to focus long enough to do all the research with all the books. He loathed the fact, another damn weakness. Still, he needed Belle's help.

He let himself imagine for a moment that he is, in fact, able to get rid of the whole curse. But anyway, True Love's kiss didn't work, crossing the town line meant leaving Bae's grave and whole life behind, and anyway his heart wasn't getting any better. Nor his leg for that matter, or those nightmares which kept him from sleeping at all these days. No, the mirrors had to work. Had to.

And he really liked being the Dark One, the showman, the dealmaker, the one that knows, has power and is smarter. It was such a wonderful role to play, a safe one.

'Oh, right!' exclaimed Belle when he presented her with new books and half-hearted story of a dangerous artifact in hands of rebellious teenager boy with resentment towards him and by extension her. 'I've found something the other day! I'm sorry I didn't tell you, there just were so many other things.'

He was grateful that she didn't mention him hitting her explicitly.

'What did you find, sweetheart?'

'One of the books mentioned Red Fairy as the original creator of the mirrors. Not the Dark One.'

'Red Fairy?'

'Do you know anything about her?'

'No.' He shook his head in astonishment. 'There is Blue of course, Tinker Bell was Green, there is a legend of White Fairy being the first, ancient one, and of course the story of the Black Fairy that no one likes to talk about. But I didn't know anything about Red one.'

'She must have lived at least a thousand years before, when the first Dark One did.'

'And perhaps fairies didn't want her story to be widely known. If she's the one who created mirrors, then they may be not very proud of her.'

Belle took new books and was furiously flipping the pages.

'Did you find what she was using them for?' asked Gold possibly innocently. Perhaps there was something more the mirrors could do. He already knew that the dagger can't be thrown into either of the mirrors the way that people can be devoured, he tried that already, in the Dark Castle, very carefully as not to do it for real, only check the possibility. Both mirrors repelled it forcefully. But perhaps they can be used to destroy it somehow. He didn't really have the time to experiment.

'There is something about bringing the darkness from everyone who looks into the mirror, but we knew that already. Which is perfectly understandable by the way, seeing as the mirrors show the regrets or the warped, evil vision of reality. It's like taunting someone with them, no wonder people let their emotions rule them. But nothing more.'

'Will you keep looking, Belle?'

She smiled.

'Sure. I'm awfully curious myself at that point about their whole history.'

* * *

Next morning, when Belle already left for the library, doctor Andersen called.

'You can come today at five p.m. to my office. Other patients would be done at that point.'

'Alright. I will be there,' he said shortly and ended the call. This was going to be unpleasant in many ways and he had yet to find suitable excuse for being home late. He had to know, though, even if the possibility he'd decide to give up his magic was very little, and even then, that he'd be able to found a way of doing that.

It didn't help than on his way to the hospital he spotted Regina and Miss Swan arriving in Emma's yellow bug. And he was almost sure that they saw him as well.

Snow Queen looked at him icily when he entered her office and took a seat.

'I'm listening, Mr. Gold.'

He cringed.

'Don't talk to me as if I am your wayward child or something. I suppose you can save that tone for Kay.'

Dr Andersen slammed her palm on the desk.

'I understand that you need my help, Mr. Gold. So I suggest we stick to business. Tell me about Kay.'

He glared at her the best he could.

'Your Kay sneaked into my castle with intention of robbing me of one of my possessions. Was the magical key yours?'

'What key are you talking about?'

Gold fished the small brass key from his pocket.

'I never saw it. You say Kay had it? Why do you have it now?'

'I acquired it recently for the very violin he again tried to steal, from my shop this time. Sheriff Swan helped him to concede a deal. You may be grateful that I agreed to that price and didn't pursue the legal path. You wouldn't want your precious boy to be officially a thief.'

'I'm sure he had his reasons,' said dr. Andersen with calm, almost poker face. Too calm.

'Yes, I think that too. He must have understood that the future you have planned wasn't what he wanted.'

Snow Queen cringed visibly.

'I never wanted to hurt him.'

'I know,' said Gold much more warmly. Partly because that was a good moment to start building the truce between them, but partly because he, well, knew.

'What happened in your castle?' came a quiet question.

'We made a deal. I needed a skilled thief to steal something for me. Something that I would never acquire through a deal. He agreed, but when he returned he said that I wanted to trap him in the mirror from the beginning and proceeded to try to trap me. And it was him or me, the mirror was open.'

Snow Queen was silent for a long time, staring at her desk with calm, unreadable expression.

'Yes, I believe you,' she said finally. 'What could happen during his... task, that he changed like that?'

'I suppose he was caught and lied to by the person he was meant to steal from. It's not that hard to imagine that he believed that everybody wanted to just use him for their own goals. And because of his suspicious he was indeed used, but failed and ended up in the mirror.'

Snow Queen shook her head.

'Yes, indeed, I can imagine he believed you want to use him for your own goals. He knew from me that the mirror can devour people.'

'And that its power can be increased by that?'

Dr Andersen snorted.

'There's no proof of it. And he himself surely isn't powerful enough to make a difference.'

'I thought that too, but now I'm not that sure about that. Magic is about emotions and he surely has his darkest emotions raging.'

'Still, no proof. But yes, he might have believed it.' She leveled him with a sharp stare. 'Who was that person and what did you want to steal from her?'

Gold stiffed. But that was why he was here, right?

'Ah, that brings us to the price for that little tale.'

'I'm listening.'

'It was Zelena. And I needed the Elixir of the Wounded Heart.'

Dr Andersen just nodded.

'So you had heart problems even then. What Zelena could have done to my Kay?'

'She surely lied to him and manipulated him. I suppose she convinced him to trap me in the mirror and bring her me and the dagger.'

'Your dagger, yes.' Snow Queen sighed. 'Pesky magical objects that in fact own our power, right?'

She lost all her ice powers with the mirror. Still, it wasn't the same.

'Before we talk any more, let's make sure we understand each other. Everything that is happening here, everything that is said and done cannot leave this walls. You understand that you are bound to secrecy. One word of this and you have no idea what I will do to you.'

She didn't seem impressed.

'Nurses? Technicians?'

'No. You only.'

She sighed impatiently.

'Well, I assume you are here about your heart and that it's bad, you wouldn't have come otherwise. If it's bad then there is a high risk of medical procedure that I couldn't be doing alone and if I'd try it would be a crime. So you're free to go away any moment.'

'Let's assume that it won't come to this.'

Dr Andersen's gaze clearly said: those demanding patients and their unrealistic expectations.

'Alright, Mr. Gold, I'll just tell you when something can't be done just by myself. Now tell me what the problem is. I have your old medical records from before the curse's breaking. You had coronary heart disease. Is it why you're here today?'

'Yes.'

'Why can't you heal yourself? I have heard you had reattached Victor Whale's arm. Surely you can deal with your own arteries?'

He smiled sadly.

'I wish I could. But this isn't just a coronary. The whole problem is caused by my curse. It's destroying my heart.'

Snow Queen raised her eyebrows.

'Then maybe it would be more fitting for you to have a heart failure, not coronary,' she said with the cold interest of professional and workaholic. 'Though the notion of a dirty heart is also nice. Are you sure?'

'Of course I am.'

'I've been using the mirror's power for years without any effect like that,' she said doubtingly.

'Your mirror can't compare to my curse. But perhaps, if you want, we might check.'

He was curious. This might be valuable information.

'What do you mean?'

'I could pull your heart out. We'll see how it's holding. And we'll compare it to mine.'

Snow Queen hesitated for a moment.

'Perhaps I'll regret it,' she said eventually. 'But yes, I want to see my heart. See that it's not that corrupted.'

Gold stood up and circled the desk. In a moment they were staring at red, pulsating heart. It had patches of dark, but surprisingly small ones.

There was the other thing though.

'It's covered in ice...' whispered Snow Queen.

'The mirror's price. I'm sure that there was a time when you've been much more spontaneous and was feeling everything more sharply.'

'Yes,' said Snow Queen sadly. 'But I took the mirror for a reason I don't regret. '

'Don't we all...'

She looked at him sharply.

'And perhaps you won't crush it that easily now,' she remarked. 'Put it back.'

He pushed the heart into her chest again.

'You know, Mr. Gold, for me as a cardiologist, this was doubly amazing. To look at the heart like that...'

'Prepare then for something not so pretty, dearie.' He sat back and pulled out his own heart, failing to withhold the grimace of pain.

Dr Andersen almost gasped. The heart was like a lump of coal, with only small flicker of red.

'Alright, I have to admit that you can't compare that.'

'See, dearie?' He grunted when he pushed the heart back in its place. 'I lived with it for too long, did too many dark deeds.'

'So to get it straight, you think that all your physical problems are caused by the curse?'

'Yes.'

'Why did you come to me then?'

'I need to get rid of the curse's effects. I just want to see where I stand. What would it be like to deal with it with the curse gone, with no magic. Mind that's only a remote and improbable possibility, but still I want to know.'

'Alright. I can check you up, run some tests. Still, why not cure it with magic? Perhaps the magic that your curse is giving you won't work in the long run, but you're hardly the only magician in town. '

Gold sighed.

'Are you offering your healer's magic? I remember you've had them when we first met.'

Dr Andersen snorted.

'Mr. Gold, I may have some healing power, but it's more like curing cold. If you want me to heal your heart, I have to try angioplasty. I thought maybe someone else with magical power can help? The Mayor perhaps? Or Sheriff Swan?'

Gold looked at her with serious expression.

'No magic will heal that. The curse has its price and won't be fooled.'

And the sooner he'd be free of it, the better his chances to survive. If there's no way to find a convenient loophole, that is.

'Why the Elixir of Wounded Heart then? And how come you appear to be quite healthy now?'

'Elixir never was meant as a permanent solution, just a mean to prolong my time. And as for now, I'm obviously using curse's magic. But it's a short-sighted solution, you understand.'

'Yes, you alleviate your symptoms, but your heart is blackening even quicker.'

'Yes.'

'What will happen when it's black completely?'

'I'll die. And the curse will take over my body. There will be only the Dark One and it's not a possibility you want to contemplate. I can be cruel and devious, but the Dark One is just the darkness, not a person.'

Dr Andersen sighed.

'I must say you've always been a difficult patient. Alright, take your jacket and shirt off. We will see what can be done.'

* * *

There was few things that could made Emma Swan as proud as being asked to accompany Regina to the hospital, for the first doctor's appointment and the ultrasound of the baby.

'I'm still not sure why I even agreed to that,' grumbled Regina, who clearly was under impression that her information of the appointment's date wasn't an invitation and asking for company.

'Because it's just nice to have someone with you,' replied Emma, sitting comfortably in a chair next to the doctor's office door. It seemed that half of the town decided spontaneously to have babies because the crowd and the queue were unbelievable. All the more reason to not come here alone, it already proved to be a long, long wait.

'I'm perfectly able to do that alone.'

'I don't doubt it. No one is doubting it. But next time we can take Henry along.'

Regina rolled her eyes but didn't protest and Emma considered this settled. Henry will be ecstatic, he was already so happy with the prospect of having siblings. Emma supposed that baby Neal still was too much of Henry's uncle, even if barely born.

'Just be aware that we won't see that much,' said Regina testily. 'I'm only six weeks along, at best.'

'You know it so precisely without doctor's appointment?'

'I can count.'

Emma chuckled.

'So you didn't suspect this earlier?'

Regina threw her an irritated look.

'If you want me to admit that I have sinned with wishful thinking, then yes, I did. Satisfied?'

'Don't be angry, Regina. I'm not trying to get you to admit anything. Besides, I can't really brag about being all that sensible in that field.'

Regina snorted, but without irritation.

'Still, that wasn't necessarily a bad thing,' she said, undoubtedly thinking about Henry.

'Not necessarily, yeah. So, six weeks ago was the first time when you and Robin?...'

If looks could kill, Emma would be dead in milliseconds. Fortunately this was the moment when a nurse called Regina's name and led her to the examination room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many, many thanks to everyone who read, commented or left kudos. Thank you! It means a lot to me!
> 
> If you are interested, here on my tumblr I've posted some of my OUAT meta: http://revever.tumblr.com/ouatmeta

Meanwhile in another part of the hospital, Gold took off his shirt and reluctantly let dr. Andersen lead him to the couch. She looked at him expectantly.

'Mr. Gold? You need to drop all spells if I am to examine you properly.'

Right. He felt embarrassed. Of course he needed to do that, but somehow he managed to forget about it. He closed his eyes and let the spells dissipate.

'How do you feel now?'

'Tired,' he sighed.

'Any discomfort in your chest?'

'No, not yet.'

Dr Andersen took the stethoscope and made quick work of listening to his heart. Then she wrapped a blood pressure cuff around his arm and Gold wanted only to teleport from here. Only Belle could see him undressed or touch him.

'143 systolic, 85 diastolic,' she said. 'Are you nervous, Mr. Gold?'

'No.'

'I meant, your blood pressure can be elevated just because of stress. The white coat syndrome. Your pulse is elevated too.'

'I'm not nervous.'

He knew she knew he lied.

'Alright,' she conceded eventually. 'Lie down, please, I'll do the ECG.'

He had it done before, or at least his cursed memories were supplying him with the knowledge. He knew there was no logical reason to be nervous, but lying on the bed and allowing dr. Andersen to stick all the patches to his skin, then waiting patiently until she finished whatever she was reading from the output waves, was almost unbearable.

'For now there are no abnormalities,' she informed him. 'But as you perhaps remember, outside of angina attack, this is the usual for coronary patients. I think we will do an exercise test and echocardiography. Because something tells me you won't agree to an angiogram.'

He looked at her blankly.

'I mean, I can do it all now and alone, while an angiogram requires preparations and more people.'

She had him walking on the treadmill with electrodes and blood pressure cuff attached, until his chest felt heavy and tight, and she made him lie down before and after for echocardiography and another ECG. Then she drew blood, into many vials, promising to test it under a false ID. He lost count of time and wondered if Belle would still accept his explanations for coming home late. She didn't call him yet, but she might anytime.

Finally dr. Andersen let him put the spells back on, dress up and sit in his original place before her desk.

'Well, what can I tell you...' she sighed. 'I don't have an angiogram, but based on available results, I would say that your coronary arteries look like a sewage system or worse.'

She paused for a moment.

'In my opinion, there is quite large risk you would have a heart attack soon after removing your magic if this goes untreated. And it might be a severe one. But there is a lot we can do. For a start, you have hypertension. You may want to change your diet, do more exercises... At least walk more, instead of driving a car. You might also want to lose some weight.' She sighed. 'Please, don't look so offended, I'm helping you here.'

He shook his head.

'No, of course, please continue.'

'I'll give you prescription for medicines along with recommended lifestyle and diet changes. But I want you to consider that the best option for you might be angioplasty. I know it's invasive and it's impossible to keep completely in secret, but at some point this may be your only option. Well, that or bypasses, but we don't want to go there yet. Angioplasty means that you will be admitted to the hospital for a day or two. The procedure requires a catheter, that's a thin tube, inserted into your vein, on arm or leg, then led to the heart and into coronary arteries, where it removes plaques blocking your vessels or implants stints to make them open. You will be conscious but sedated during the procedure.'

Gold shook his head again.

'No. The medicines, please.'

He walked out of the office on shaking legs, holding the prescriptions in a shaking hand.

* * *

It was well past nine p.m. when he finally made it home. The hall was dark and empty and quiet.

Oh gods, Belle was angry with him. He really didn't do a good job either of covering tracks or being honest enough. Or being honest at all. He just hoped that whatever hell would break loose it would do so tomorrow. Today he only wanted to scream. Perhaps he should have stayed at the shop. The sleep was out of question and cuddling against Belle apparently as well.

Cuddling was the only thing keeping him together at nights and giving strength to face another day. As pathetic as it was, he didn't know how he'd manage without it.

Cuddling after Belle falls asleep would feel like being a creepy stalker and he didn't want it.

He needed to find another way.

Whisky, perhaps? Magic would erase any hangover. Or perhaps some pain would be a welcome distraction tomorrow.

He bypassed the kitchen altogether, feeling sick at the thought of eating. He just took off his shoes and jacket and sat down in the living room. In the dark he could see the silvery fur of Thumper in his expensive, luxury cage.

Lucky bastard. Sitting there and licking his calcium like the one that owns the world. Next thing he'd be chewing on the carrot, the last one of the bunch Belle put in the cage this morning.

'Rumple?'

He realized that he didn't hear soft footsteps over the thumping noise of the rabbit's foot on the cage's floor.

'Is everything alright? When did you come home?'

He looked at her surprised and with stinging in his eyes. She didn't sound angry.

Belle came closer and turned on the small reading lamp next to the couch. She sat beside him.

'Rumple?'

'Everything's okay, sweetheart,' he said, because what else was there to say?

'You don't look okay. You look very tired. Do you want something to eat?'

'No, no, I'm fine,' he protested, apparently too quickly.

'Are you unwell? Does your stomach hurt?'

'No, I'm fine.'

'Rumple, stop repeating that. I can see that it's a lie.'

He stiffened and blinked quickly. She saw his lies. Suddenly he felt the need to bolt from the couch like Thumper might do.

'I'm tired,' he offered, getting up, but slowly. 'I'm just tired.'

'Do you believe it when you say it to yourself enough times?'

He hung his head.

'No,' he admitted quickly.

'I would do anything to help you, Rumple, but maybe you should try talking to Archie? He's a professional that I won't ever be. I don't know how to talk to you.'

She sounded so sad and defeated. She shouldn't. His Belle shouldn't feel bad because of him. He was failing her again.

He sat down again, but not so close to her this time.

'No, Belle, no need. I'm fine,' he tried to tell her in soft, assuring tone, but his voice wavered.

'No, you're not. You're so sad, all the time. I can't bear seeing you so sad.'

Gold took a deep, unsteady breath. And he himself was surprised how he exploded.

'Why can't I be sad, Belle? My son died! Can't I be sad? It's normal, I'm not sick!'

And then he abruptly got up and stormed out of the room, leaving speechless Belle behind. Fifteen seconds later he was back, walking in just as quickly.

'Belle, I'm so sorry!' he said, voice cracking a bit. 'I had no right to raise my voice on you, I'm so sorry. I... I can go to Archie, if you want.'

'Oh, Rumple, it's not for me. I don't want to make you go, I just thought it would help. You must want to go yourself.'

Belle was looking at him tenderly as if he was a precious child, but all the same she expected him to do the impossible, and he knew he would fail again.

'I...' Gold paused, unsure what to do, and looked around, uncomfortably. 'I'll... go and try?...'

'You will?'

She sounded happy.

'Yes. Yes, of course.'

'I'll call Archie tomorrow, make an appointment.'

Appointment. He cringed inwardly. At least the cricket won't strip him or touch him.

'Let’s go to bed, Rumple. You could use a bit more of sleep tonight. Are you sure you don't want anything to eat? Or at least tea? Something warm?'

He shook his head. But while he showered, his Belle made two cups of chamomile anyway and made him drink one when they settled into bed.

And he could cuddle to Belle again after all and the world looked that much better for it.

* * *

This was going to be a disaster.

Belle managed to pressure the cricket into finding time for the appointment the very next day, probably afraid that Gold would chicken out. Which he did, but went to the appointment anyway, because it made Belle happy. It couldn't change anything and he wasn't even sure when his control started to slip so badly that he let Belle see too much, but he surely could do it for her. She would feel better and that was what mattered.

He knocked on the cricket's door and was led into the office. It felt ridiculous that once he came here out of his own free will to discuss... Yes. Ridiculous.

So when they sat comfortably in the armchairs, Gold wasn't even able to look straight at the cricket. He wondered if it was acceptable to spend the whole hour sitting in silence, looking at furniture and trying to not show that this made him feel like trapped animal and the worst failure in the whole world.

'We can talk about anything you want, Mr. Gold,' said the cricket in a low, calm voice. 'It's an important step itself that you came here. I am not going to force you to do or say anything. We can stay silent too, if you want.'

'What's the point of this if we don't talk?' Gold said dryly.

'The point is that I want you to understand that no one is going to force you into anything here.'

Gold laughed mirthlessly.

'I was already forced to come.'

He regretted saying that immediately, because it would mean that his Belle was hurting him. And that was not the truth.

'You didn't want to come here,' the cricked nodded as if it was completely understandable. 'Most people are afraid or at least nervous when they are going to a psychological appointment. Talking about things that hurt is difficult and scary.'

'Why do that then?'

He wanted that to sound much more cynical than it did.

'Because more often than not it helps us to feel better and overcome our obstacles.'

Gold shook his head and looked at furniture again. In the corner of his eyes he caught movement, the cricket was going to say something. And before even Gold knew, the cricket was magically frozen in time, with his mouth open.

Feeling uncomfortably warm and cold at the same time, Gold quickly left the office and headed for his shop.

* * *

'How was your appointment?' asked Belle first thing when she came to the shop. For the first, or maybe second time, Gold wished that the working hours of the library were longer. At least she could stop calling it 'appointment', perhaps 'meeting' would be acceptable too. But asking her meant admitting it bothered him, so there was nothing he could do.

'We talked a bit,' he said carefully.

'Do you feel better?'

What was he supposed to say? If he said 'yes,' it would be a lie, though perhaps the sheer relief of getting out of that place would count. If he said 'no,' she would press for more details and more appointments. He wanted to teleport away. Away from Belle. Hard to say where to, perhaps to his cabin in the woods.

'I...'

'It's okay,' Belle moved closer and wrapped her arms around his waist. 'You don't have to feel better immediately. This takes time.'

'Thank you, Belle,' he murmured with genuine relief, though he still was lying to her, if only by omission. Somewhere along the line he managed to learn that this is also a lie, sometimes bigger that the outright one. He wondered if he knew it once, before the curse. If he taught it to Bae, only to forget it himself.

'Let's go home, Rumple.'

'I... I would have to stop by doctor Hopper's office on our way. I forgot something. It will take only a minute.'

He just hoped that no one found the frozen cricket in the past few hours.

* * *

'Regina?'

'Go away.'

'I just wanted to make sure you're alright.'

'I'm not going to murder anyone, now can you go away before I change my mind?'

'But I brought you cookies.'

There was only stunned silence on the other side of the door and Emma decided to take that as a good sign. Indeed, few moments later the door opened and Emma saw slightly haggard and green Regina in a nightgown and robe.

'I didn't wake you up, right?'

'Oh, most definitely no. If you excuse me...'

She disappeared in the bathroom, so Emma let herself in and started to make peppermint tea for Regina and coffee for herself.

When former Evil Queen came back the envy in the look she gave the coffee was unholy.

'So? Have you done it?'

'You have no subtlety, Swan,' said Regina hoarsely and sat behind the table, staring miserably into her tea.

Emma sat down across from her.

'If you didn't, it's alright. Another day then.'

'I did.'

'Oh. And?'

'I feel sick even thinking of it.'

'I'm not pressuring you into talking...'

'You're just worried, yes, I know. Oh, gods, so I told him that he's going to be a father again and he immediately promised to help and demanded that he would have a part in raising the child. So very predictable. Meanwhile maid Marian was staring at us with the most hurt expression I've ever seen, because Robin insisted that we should talk in her presence, because he doesn't have secrets from his wife. He didn't care to think, that maybe I have secrets from his wife. So I made it short and to the point and bid goodbye to teleport home to get violently sick. Tell me, why is it called morning sickness, when it very clearly isn't? I need a drink and I can't have one.'

'Yeah, that sucks,' decided Emma without beating around the bush.

'There was a time when I almost drank a potion to never have children,' said Regina suddenly. 'Because my mother wanted grandchildren and she was going to use me and them without any qualms. Now when she's dead, one would imagine how wonderful would it be to raise a child without needing to protect it from a bloodlusting relative. And suddenly it appears that it's not the only calamity that can fall on the child. Gods, I'm rambling, Swan, have you put something in that tea?'

'Nope, those are your own hormones perhaps. I'm listening and not repeating it to anyone, anyway.'

Regina sighed.

'I just don't want to be like my mother. I can't stop thinking of all things that I've done to Henry. How I tried to control him. I used magic on him like my mother used magic on me to stop me from doing what she didn't approve of. And Henry is a boy. What if I have a girl? I don't know how to be a mother to a girl.'

'I think you didn't really know how to be a mother to a boy and Henry turned out just fine. More than fine actually.'

'They say half the job is in genes. My genes are evil.'

Emma frowned. Regina full of doubts was starting to seriously scare her.

'That's a bit too much, Regina. You're good now. You've managed to change. Your genes can't be that evil. And the other half are Robin Hood's, so I really don't think you have anything to worry about on that front. Besides, you've managed to raise Rumplestiltskin's grandson to be a very good and kindhearted young man.'

Regina smiled.

'Old Rumple isn't all that evil,' she said, as if sharing a secret. 'Only infuriatingly stubborn and way too smart for anyone's liking.'

Emma blinked.

'What?' Regina snorted. 'I loved my father, but I often wished he could be more like Rumplestiltskin. My father was weak. Loving, but completely weak. My mother was doing whatever she pleased to him and to me. Rumple at least taught me how to have power and not be controlled. Helped me to get free from my mother. I hope that little maid of his is smart enough to take care of him now.'

'What do you mean?'

'I mean Zelena, of course. My sweet, wicked sister was even more unhinged than me at my most evil. I like to think that I was at least rational. And I never had such a power over anyone, even as a queen, even having Graham's heart. Or at least that's what I know from books, Rumplestiltskin never wanted to teach me anything about his curse.'

'That's why you returned the dagger to Belle?'

'Yes. I probably should have given it to him personally, but I wanted to do something to show her that I'm not an enemy. I knew she wouldn't keep the dagger for herself.'

* * *

The house was quiet when he teleported there. Ominously quiet. He could see the entrance to the basement from where he was standing.

He needed to check the house. Zelena had to have magical artifacts, just like Regina had them. There was a chance that the elixir would be among them.

Slowly, he started towards the main door. It was locked, but Kay's key allowed him to get in without losing time on cracking lingering magical barriers and non-magical rusted locks.

He lighted the lamp with a flicker of his hand, trying to not notice how the hand shook. This wasn't time for feeling sorry for himself. He needed to search the place.

It took him whole two hours and he didn't find anything. Instead it left him shaking and panting. It would be easier to employ someone to do the job, perhaps Robin Hood could do that, just like on his first attempt to steal the elixir before Regina's curse. Yet it would mean making a deal when he was a desperate party. It would also mean explaining things at least a little bit, making himself vulnerable to other people, fearing about secrecy... For the same reason he didn't want to ask Emma to go to New York as a favor for deal with Kay's theft, looking for the elixir in Walsh's shop or apartment. Perhaps he could make a whole story about barriers specifically against him as a reason for needing help. But he had a feeling that Robin would see through the lie.

Not worth it. He had to do it alone.

If only it wasn't so scary for the old coward he was. All the time he felt as if Zelena was going to catch him red-handed and lock him again in the basement.

The basement.

Was that possible that she hid something there? But he never had seen her doing so.

He sat on the chair, thinking frantically. He should go and check. He knew he should go and check, it would be impossibly stupid to leave it unsearched. The elixir may be there.

But somehow going there was making him tremble and sweat even more than being in her house.

He almost jumped, when his cell phone ringed. Belle. Belle was calling because he was late, the search took him too long because he constantly had to stop to remind himself that it's safe. He should talk to Belle now, calm her down, tell her he'd be home soon. Or better yet, he could teleport himself home right now.

But the basement. He needed to check it. And if he talked to Belle now, she'd hear his voice cracking and she'd ask him what's going on. And he'd try to lie, and she'd know, and would be angry. She told him clearly that he couldn’t deceive her if this relationship was going to work. She would leave him. He himself would have left him and a long time ago at that. Or perhaps he did it, if only metaphorically.

Somehow there was no good solution and that was his fault, he should have been able to deal with this all much better.

The phone stopped ringing.

The basement, then. And after that - home.

* * *

'Rumple, where have you been? I was worried! You didn't pick up the phone!'

Belle was angry. Rumple was always telling her if he had something extra to do and was going to be late. Today he didn't say anything, just disappeared and wasn't answering her calls. She was simultaneously worried that something happened to him and that he's up to something not good, to put it mildly.

She loved Rumple and tried to trust him, but in the moments like this every past clash was screaming at her that there's something foul here. She didn't want him to have any secrets because his secrets were about harming other people in vengeance.

When he appeared home, and what's more - by magic, she could at least see that he was unharmed. That left the other possibility even more possible.

'Sweetheart, I'm sorry,' he smiled. 'I really am. I had some additional work in the shop and lost count of the time.'

'I was calling you. Why didn't you pick up?'

'I'm sorry, sweetheart. I was so concentrated on work, that I just ignored it. I thought it's much earlier, didn't think it could be you. I saw it was you just a moment before coming home.'

He looked repentant. He held his head a bit low, casting uneasy glances at her. He took his jacket off, and only in his vest, he looked vulnerable.

But somehow she wasn't sure she believed him just yet.

'What were you working on, Rumple?'

He quickly fished something from his pocked, small, purple box.

'I've been restoring this for you...' he said quietly, offering it to her. She frowned, but took the box. There was the most beautiful necklace she'd ever seen.

'Rumple...'

'May I?' he came closer, wanting to put it on her neck.

'No, Rumple, wait.' She took a step back, then closed her eyes and sighed. 'Perhaps it's silly, but I have a feeling that you're hiding something from me. That you weren't just working on it the whole afternoon. Tell me, Rumple, were you doing something else today? Something important, that I should know about?'

She looked him straight in the eyes. He, however, were looking sideways. Unsure, nervous.

There was something going on.

'Rumple? And how about the other evening when you were late? Where were you then?'

'Belle, it's just business, there's no need...'

'Rumple!'

She was surprised herself with her shout, but he practically jumped.

'Belle! Please! There's nothing to tell!'

Apparently he tried to sidestep the issue without lying. Except he already lied about working on a necklace, right?

'Rumple, I thought we understood each other about secrecy? You told me yourself that you trust me and that you want me in your life. But apparently that's not the case.'

He had tears in his eyes, but she forbade herself to be affected by it. If she gave in now, then it would be all for nothing, and he won't change at all.

She put the box on the table.

'I don't think that the present is going to make up for the secrets,' she said sadly. 'You have one more chance: where have you been?'

'I went to see the Snow Queen,' he said quietly, looking at the floor. She sighed with relief at first, but then the implications sank in.

'Why? Was that about the mirror?'

'Among other things. We talked about Kay. I made the deal with her, so I had to go and tell her what I know about how Kay ended up in the Nightmare Mirror.'

'What was the other end of the deal?'

'Information as well. The details about magic spell, that I couldn't learn on my own.'

Belle frowned.

'Rumple, why magic spells? I thought we agreed that you'll use magic only for very special occasions.'

'I know, Belle, I'm sorry.'

'Well, I'm sorry too. You lied to me and you went to dabble in magic.'

'I'm sorry... Let's not talk about it again.'

'But you must tell me what you needed the spell for. Do you... plan something?'

'Plan?...'

'Do you plan something that may end up in someone being hurt?'

Rumple blinked.

'No, Belle, of course not!'

'Then what are you planning?'

'Nothing, Belle, leave it alone, please! I'm sorry I was late, and that I didn't pick the phone! I'm sorry I dabbled in magic...'

He sighed heavily, and turned, as if he meant to walk out on her. Belle felt frustrated to the point of seeing red.

'No! No, Rumple! You can't keep me away from everything important! I'm going to talk to Snow Queen then! I know Diana is on shift now and Snow Queen is also in the hospital! I'm going there and I'm demanding answers if my own husband can't talk to me!'

Belle managed to make three steps, when Rumple magically locked the door.

* * *

'Belle, I beg you, don't. I'll... I'll tell you later! Please!'

But Belle was staring at the door, white-faced.

'Belle...'

Belle slowly shook her head and reached for her purse. Then she took the dagger out.

'Belle...' Gold tried to tell her something, anything, but had no idea what that could be, all he could do was stare at the dagger, this dagger, in Belle's hand, his Belle, his Belle, his Belle...

'Rumple... Rumple?'

He woke up on the floor, disoriented, not remembering what happened. He slowly noticed that his legs were propped up on a chair and he had his tie loosened and collar opened.

'Rumple, you're awake...' Belle suddenly came into focus and put something wet and cold on his forehead.

Then he remembered and his eyes became wide with panic.

'No, no, Rumple, don't get up,' Belle caught his arms, forcing him down. 'Please, not yet, you'll faint again.'

Distant part of him wanted to argue that he surely did not 'faint'. This was not something that men do. What was that other term that Karen used? Vasovagal reaction?

Belle sniffed and started to cry.

'Rumple, I'm sorry. But I'm so tired of being treated like... like a pet, a child, something that can't be trusted on its own... And I kind of flashbacked to when you tried to kill Regina despite your promise. And you tried to control me. That was what did it. But then I tried to control you... I shouldn't have used the dagger, I know I shouldn't have, I'm so sorry...'

'No, Belle, no, please, don't, no need to be sorry!' Gold put his legs down and sat up quickly, reaching for Belle with both hands, ignoring how the room was tilting. She immediately buried herself in his arms.

'I'm sorry... Will you forgive me?'

'Of course. No need to forgive anything. I'm the one who should be sorry. Let's go upstairs? We both need rest.'

He got up, not completely steady, but Belle had both arms around his waist.

'Okay,' she agreed. 'But Rumple, are you alright? You've never fainted like that. Was this... Did it remind you...?'

'Yes,' he admitted quickly. 'It reminded me of her. Of what she did to Bae just because I couldn't...'

'Shhh,' Belle hugged him tightly. 'Let's sit down for a moment, okay?' She guided him to the couch and they sat together, cuddling close. 'I'm so sorry for what I've done...'

'No, Belle, you shouldn't be...' He sighed raggedly. She shouldn't be. She was right, he was lying to her. His Belle shouldn't ever feel guilty of anything.

He thought he should tell her at least something. But nothing was able to get past his constricted throat, no matter how disgusted with himself he felt. Some part of him hoped that after today Belle wouldn’t mention the cause of the whole argument for some time.

'I just wish that your curse didn't exist,' sighed Belle. 'That we could be a normal, non-magical couple, without daggers that can control you.'

Gold sighed too.

'But there's no way to change that... None that I know of. The kiss doesn't work here.'

And he felt simultaneously relieved that it didn't. Without magic, he couldn't protect Belle, just as he couldn't protect Bae. He didn't deny that he had done many evil deeds while under the curse, but he took it for Bae. And Bae hadn't been taken to be a child soldier, so it was alright.

Sometimes he wondered if he could pin all the evil he'd done on the curse. But that would be a coward's way out too. And what's more important, it would be admitting to not having free will. And Gold needed control of his life and himself. Needed it long before the curse, needed and dreamed of it when he lost his mother and then his father...

But with his heart blackened completely...

And he'd be a danger to Belle. He would have to tell her finally. Make sure she's safe. If he didn’t find a loophole first.

'Rumple?'

Belle sounded strong and decisive again and he trembled involuntarily.

'Yes, sweetheart?'

'You're taking the dagger back. And I'm not hearing a single word of protest.'

'Yes, sweetheart,' he answered meekly. But he'd hide it at home, where his Belle lived. Maybe under their bed.

'I don't think I'm going to ever understand how much power it has over you. But judging from your reaction today, it's very, very wrong for anyone beside you to have it. No one should be a slave to another.'

'Thank you, sweetheart.'

Belle was gently petting his head.

'Rumple, I was scared of you for a moment,' she admitted after a while.

That made him sit straight and look at her.

'Belle, what? I wouldn't ever hurt you!'

'You have secrets, Rumple. And in the past they almost always involved someone getting hurt.'

That simple statement brought tears to his eyes again.

'I'm sorry, Belle. Yes, I have secrets. But if I promise that I don't want to hurt anyone, will you let me have them?'

'Do they involve you gathering even more power than you have?'

'I don't know. Only as a side effect if at all. It's really about something else.'

'And this isn't something that you can talk to me about?'

She sounded hurt.

'It's not about trust,' he said quickly. 'There are more reasons for secrets than lack of trust. I trust you with my life, sweetheart. I trust you with the dagger.'

'Okay. So promise me that you don't want to hurt anyone and that your goal isn't to gather more power and... and just for now I won't ask further.'

'I promise, sweetheart.'

'Thank you, Rumple,' she smiled and wiped tears from her eyes and cheeks. 'Let's go upstairs now.'

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many, many thanks to everyone who read or left kudos. Thank you! It means a lot to me!
> 
> If you are interested, here on my tumblr I've posted some of my OUAT meta: http://revever.tumblr.com/ouatmeta

Next day they were planning to eat lunch together at Granny's. He could tell that Belle needed to have more contact with other people. For all her bookworm tendencies to get spirited away into whatever she was reading at the moment, she was a people person. She needed friends and talks and more diversity than he himself was able to give her. She told him as much herself in the Dark Castle, when she asked to at least know him. Well, now there was no reason to limit herself only to him.

Meanwhile he still had some time until lunch and he regretted it. From the very moment he walked into the shop this morning, his thoughts were going to one thing only – the Dream Mirror.

Zelena was his apprentice when he acquired it. She managed to catch him off guard and peek into the mirror. Once, but hoo boy, it was more than enough... He never let her look again.

As long as Bae was alive, only lost, Gold did his best to forget about the Dream Mirror altogether. But this was no longer the case, right? He managed to ignore it to this day too, despite the appearance of the twin mirror and all the research that they were doing with Belle. But he thought that today his resolve would end.  

It wasn't as if he had anything to lose. Bae was dead. And even the Dream Mirror wasn't going to make him forget about Belle.

One day he would look into the Dream Mirror, though, and see Belle, he knew that. Perhaps then he would test if the Dream Mirror is capable of devouring someone.

* * *

Belle walked into the pawn shop a bit late and in hurry. It wasn't her fault that some people, who once were mice and birds, weren't capable of choosing books for themselves or respecting lunch hours. Nevertheless she felt bad about making Rumple wait for her. He really didn't need to wonder if something had happened to her or if she had decided that lunch with him wasn't important enough to her.

But the pawn shop was quiet, and Rumple wasn't in sight. Curious, and to tell the truth – suspicious, she went to the backroom.

Rumple was sitting at his desk, completely transfixed. He was staring into the mirror with a very ornate, silvery frame. Its surface was glowing and simmering, in a way that reminded her of television.

'Rumple?'

He didn't seem to hear her, even when she came closer. Was he doing this yesterday? Was that why he ignored her calls?

She laid one hand on his shoulder and he almost jumped, looking at her with wild eyes. The mirror clattered to the table.

'Belle!...'

'Hey, Rumple. What's this? Are you alright?'

'I...' he looked at the mirror, blushing. 'I'm sorry, Belle. It's time for lunch, right?'

'Yes, but I just came, it's alright. What were you doing?'

'It's the Dream Mirror...' he whispered, touching the frame reverently. Or as if afraid. 'I just... I didn't... I didn't want to... See, that's why I've hidden this thing deep in my vault. It devours people all the same, no matter that the physical form stays here.'

'You were looking at Bae?'

He nodded.

'I don't have any pictures of him... Even from his short time in Storybrooke. I don't have anything...'

Belle wrapped him in her arms.

'I know, Rumple. Maybe we can ask someone to draw a portrait of him? If you could show him Bae in the Dream Mirror?'

'Each person sees something different in the mirror, Bae would show only to me.'

'Then I'll ask Emma if she has any pictures of Bae. If she has, then we'll make copies.'

Rumple looked at her with gratitude. Belle smiled.

'Well, then maybe you'll put the mirror where it was and we'll go for that lunch? I'm starving.'

* * *

The diner was crowded, but they managed to find a booth for themselves. Granny was casting suspicious glares at Gold, but he ignored it as always, concentrating on Belle's smile. They were here for her.

Belle happily waved to many people – the dwarf Grumpy and his fairy girlfriend Nova (Gold loved how furious Blue was over this!), Robin Hood with his wife and son, Ruby of course, even Emma and Henry. She smiled in greeting again when someone entered the diner. Ah, Diana, or Gerda, another one of Belle's friends. But then Gold saw that Diana wasn't alone.

Kay spotted him too and looked straight at him as if wanting to attack. Well, if the boy was stupid enough to risk confrontation with the Dark One... But then Diana took his hand and steered him to the table.

'Rumple? What's wrong?'

'Nothing,' he sighed. Why should always be something wrong with him? Belle already seemed to think him weak and unstable. Well, she was wrong.

They ate mostly in silence, Belle looking at him as if she wanted to tell something, but ultimately decided not to. Perhaps it was for the best.

When they were on their way out, Kay rose from his seat before Diana could protest and stood in Gold's way.

'Rumplestiltskin,' he said instead of greeting, in a righteous, angry tone.

'I don't have time for you, boy, and I suggest you return to your seat quickly and quietly,' sneered Gold menacingly. He really didn't have any patience for the boy now.

Diana stood behind Kay, in a similar manner as Belle was standing behind him. They were in a crowded place, everybody already looking at them, and any second now Granny would show up to throw Gold out for disturbing her clients. Typical.

Suddenly Kay took a step toward him and whispered something, placing his hand on Gold's shoulder, squeezing hard.

Next thing Gold knew, Kay was lying on the floor with a stunned expression and before anybody reacted, Gold was already on his way to the door. He didn't stop, didn't look around, didn't check if Belle was going with him. He just needed to be away.

'Rumple, wait!'

Belle caught up with him halfway to his shop. She was panting heavily and held her high-heeled shoes in her hand.

'Belle, you're barefoot!' he exclaimed. 'You're going to hurt yourself!'

'Well, I wouldn't be if you didn't storm out of the diner! What the hell, Rumple? Why did you stun the boy?'

She was angry. Oh, gods, did he mess it all up already? What was the correct thing to say now?

'Was he hurt?...' he asked finally in a small voice.

'No, just stunned and pretty angry at you and everybody else. He kept shouting that you want his mirror to do something bad. Do you, Rumple?'

'No! All this research we've been doing, you should know there is nothing I could use!'

'Use for what exactly?'

'For...'

Oh, no, he told her so much more than he planned.

'Yes?'

'For protection. Nothing offensive. Mirrors can be used as an alarm system of sorts, similar to how they can be used for communication.'

'You never mentioned that when we were doing the research. You told me we were checking the mirrors to be sure what to do if someone else would want to use them.'

He thought of protesting, telling he only had told her they should know as much as possible of an artifact that is now in their town. But she would be even more angry then.

'We... we agreed I don't have to tell you,' he blurted desperately. He had already lost control when talking to Kay, much as when he hit Belle days ago. He shuddered at the memory. And now Belle had him pinned and interrogated and he would lose control again, he was sure. If he hurt Belle then, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

Belle sighed heavily.

'Yes, we did. But you hurt him. You promised you wouldn't hurt anybody.'

'I... I didn't mean to,' Gold said quietly.

'How not? You used magic!'

'It was a reflex! You saw it, he grabbed my arm!'

'And that's enough? Rumple, this isn't normal. You want to tell me that you think it's justified or that you didn't control it, or what? Was it the same as when you hit me? But he didn't surprise you like I did...'

Gold looked around in panic. The street was empty, thankfully, if someone was there, Gold would simply teleport them home, risking even more of Belle's wraith.

'Rumple?' Belle urged. 'Answer me.'

'For a moment I didn't control it,' he admitted. 'Like when I hit you...'

'Oh Rumple...' Belle surprised him, hugging him tightly. Wasn't she angry with him?

'Belle?'

'Rumple, that's just another reason you should talk to Archie. Regularly. I don't know what to do as well as he would.'

'I don't want to talk to anybody.'

'I know. But it's for the best.'

'Please, can we have this talk somewhere else? Not in the middle of the street?'

His tone was terse, he couldn't help it, even if he feared that Belle would feel hurt or angry. But she actually blushed.

'Yes, of course. I'm sorry, I should have waited with this until we were be back in the shop.'

They started moving, but the talk ended. No one wanted to say anything and no one seemed to know what to say. But at least Belle didn't seem angry anymore.

* * *

When they were cuddled together for the night, Belle could say clearly, that Rumple wasn't planning on sleeping just yet. And regretfully, it didn't have anything to do with more pleasant activities. After what happened at the diner and their row later, she wasn't surprised.

'What are you thinking about?' she asked quietly.

'Bae,' he admitted even less audibly.

'I miss him too. And it feels so wrong that he died. He died a hero, but it would be better if he didn't have to.'

If it were a book, it would be a really poor move on the author's part, she thought, even if the comparison felt a bit too frivolous. Yet, his death didn't make much sense. But then again, perhaps every death is like that to family and friends.

'Yes... It didn't make sense,' Rumple echoed her thoughts.

'It felt so random. So... cruel.'

'It should have been me. I should have stayed dead. It was al...'

'Rumplestiltskin!' Belle shouted, sitting up. 'Don't you dare talk like that!' Even in the dark, she could see his scared face, so she continued in a softer voice, but still with all the conviction she had. 'What should be is both of you alive, end of story. I don't want to hear any nonsense of you being better off dead. It wouldn't be better.'

Her voice cracked a bit and she lied back down, holding her husband very close.

'I love you, Rumple. Do you hear me?'

'I love you too, Belle,' came shy, quiet answer. He kissed her neck. 'Let's not talk about that anymore.'

She didn't know that he again remained awake all night, holding her and replaying in his head all their happy moments in Fairy Tale Land and in Storybrooke over and over. Just like every night.

* * *

Next day, when Rumple went to his shop, Belle went to talk to Archie. She felt a bit awkward doing it behind her husband's back, but she needed advice. Professional advice. It was all for Rumple, anyway.

'It's hard,' she sighed, sitting comfortably in Archie's office. 'He's in pain, he's grieving, but he can't share it. Only a bit, and it's so strained anyway. I feel that there are things he's not telling me about, a whole lot of things. And it makes me distrustful in a time when I want to be there for him.'

Archie listened patiently and Belle was grateful for that. Of course, she could talk to Ruby, but even with her she sometimes felt that she had to defend Rumple. Diana or Marian were obviously out of question because of that. But Archie wasn't judging anyone, nor Rumple, nor her, even when she was talking about things she didn't know how to cope with.

'It's just so damn hard!' she sighed finally. 'And I know that Rumple is the one who was through hell, but it's still hard!'

'Of course it is, Belle. There's no need to be ashamed of anything. Everyone needs support, not only the ones who had it worst. If you can see what is difficult for you and can look for support, you will also help him better.'

Belle smiled at him.

'Thank you, Archie. I just... sometimes I feel like a sheltered princess in comparison to him. Totally naive and not knowing how it is to have real problems.'

'But you were through some hardships of your own. Being kidnapped, losing your memory, losing your husband. And earlier going on with the deal with Rumplestiltskin whom you didn't know yet. Shall I go on?'

Belle blushed.

'Perhaps, but it never felt as hard as what I can see in Rumple's eyes. Frustrating like hell, yes, like heroine from a XIX century novel. Though then at least something was happening to me, but this is such a twisted way to look at things... But even when he died, I still knew there was a way to bring him back. And there was. Too bad that Bae had to pay the price, we should have researched it better, found a way to sidestep it... And there always were people for me. Rumple, Ruby, Leroy, Mulan, Ariel... I had support and unconditional love and it was somehow enough, but for Rumple it seems to not be... I didn't have such severe reactions when Regina imprisoned me. Rumple fainted the other day when he... when I... when we had a row and I tried to use the dagger. He forgave me, but I still feel guilty.'

Archie nodded.

'But you found your way through this. That looks promising.'

'Yes, at least... I wish Rumple had more friends, not just me. That he tried to get closer with Henry. How did your session with him go?'

'We've talked a bit. But you understand, that I can't repeat anything?'

'Yes, of course.' Belle blushed. 'I'm just worried. He didn't seem to believe that anything would change. Maybe that's what makes the difference. I always had hope, always believed in myself. Though lately I sometimes doubt... Myself and him alike. Once, breaking up with Rumple gave me even more sense of control and agency. Today I don't think it would give me any more than I already have, but if he does something evil again... What else can I do?'

'You doubt that you would be able to come up with a solution that is satisfying?'

'Yes. Something to both change him and let me stay with him. He's my true love.'

Archie smiled.

'And so far your love, and his love for his son, made him sacrifice himself for you. I'm no expert at magic, but as awesome as this is alone, it must be even more incredible taking his evil curse into account. I dare to say that there is a good chance it won't ever come to what you are fearing.'

'But if?'

Archie sighed.

'Then you, as well as him, would have to think for yourselves what is at stake and what is important. Belle, he was controlled and that was perhaps one of the most traumatizing parts, aside from his son's death. Now he has his choices back, and it wouldn't do him any good if he feels that you are trying to control him.'

'Yes, I understand. I just want him to be okay and to be honest with me. I want it too much perhaps. I'm worried, Archie, and it breaks my heart to see him like that. You heard what happened at the diner?'

'That he had a fight with Kay?'

'Yes. The part when he threw Kay on the floor... Well, he said it was a reflex, that he didn't really intended to do that. And I'm not sure if I'd be more worried if he did it on purpose.'

'Did Kay do something to trigger it?'

'Kay laid his hand on Rumple's shoulder, got so close, whispered something. It seemed to be enough.'

'I don't know what exactly happened during the year when your husband was held captive by Zelena. But perhaps this is the cause. Perhaps what happened with Kay was a flashback of some sort.'

'What can you advise me? What am I supposed to do with that?'

'Well, you need to be patient. Not everything he's doing is going to be logical to you. Try to coax him into talking, not bottling up his emotions. He's probably too embarrassed and afraid to talk about it, it's not going to be easy. Repeat to him that you would listen to anything with respect, that you won't think any less of him for whatever he'd say. And tell him that if he wants to, he's always welcome here to talk about anything.'

Belle smiled.

'I will. Thank you, Archie.'

* * *

Belle managed somehow to coax him into going for lunch to Granny's again next day. Truly, his little wife had him wrapped around her little finger. There were many things he wasn't capable of doing, but if he could, he would do anything for her.

They were almost there, turning into the diner's yard, when Robin with his family were walking out of it. Roland was happily yelling, the thief was laughing, and together they created more chaos than it should be possible. And then Marian bumped into him and Belle, he almost lost his balance, heard screams and next thing he saw was the thief's wife lying prone on the ground before him.

In the deafening silence that followed, Roland's cries were loud as a firefighter car's siren.

People started to pour out from the diner, others were stopping on the streets and soon a whole crowd of fairy tale characters were surrounding them. Robin cradled limp Marian in his arms, trying to wake her up but to no avail.

'Rumple?' whispered Belle. 'What have you done?'

He felt like in a dream. Did he just kill her? Roland was looking at him in terror, clinging to his mother's body.

'Let me see her,' sounded a woman's voice and Blue Fairy made her way through the spectators. People were watching but no one else dared to come closer, not to the Dark One who just killed. They weren't scurrying away only because they believed in anonymity of being part of the crowd.

Blue kneeled down and moved her hand over Marian.

'She's alive.'

Behind Gold, Belle exhaled loudly. Blue turned to him.

'What have you done, Rumplestiltskin?' she asked sternly. 'What curse did you throw at her?'

Gold managed only to shake his head in a protesting gesture.

'I can't wake her up with my magic,' continued Blue in a cold, demanding voice. 'Tell me what have you done and why.'

'I didn't mean to,' Gold managed to say. 'Let me try...'

He made a step towards Marian, but Robin's outraged shout stopped him.

'Like hell! I'm not gonna let you come any closer to my wife and child! Why did you have to do it, Gold?!'

'I didn't... I'm sorry! '

Whole Storybrooke could see now the fearsome Dark One losing control, almost crying and apologizing. Still Robin didn't look convinced.

'Are you saying that you don't control your magic?' asked Blue Fairy in a maddeningly calm voice. In a distance an ambulance's siren could be heard.

'Yes,' admitted Gold and felt Belle's arms around him, silently supporting him.

'Then I think you should be controlled,' said Blue in a logical conclusion. 'With this.'

Black bracelet appeared in her hand. Yes, of course she would propose it.

'Never,' he said, almost shouted.

'You, Rumplestiltskin, are a danger to this town,' Blue also raised her voice. 'You just almost killed an innocent woman. If you truly didn't want to do it as you claim, then you know the bracelet is necessary. Your wife can't predict all the loopholes you'd use to properly control you with the dagger. If you had this planned on the other hand, well, we won't let you hurt anyone else.'

'And how do you propose to make me?' sneered Gold. 'I had the dagger and I am much more powerful than all the town's magic users. You won't get me.'

And with that, he disappeared.

 

* * *

Belle was shaking with nerves when she finally parted with the angry crowd, Blue Fairy and Emma, who was a true life saver now. Without her, Belle wouldn't be able to reason with either Blue Fairy or people of Storybrooke.

Now she could finally search for Rumple, terrified of what she'd find. He might have gone to the shop or home, home was more probable, but the shop was closer. And of course, he wasn't answering his phone, even if she called him time after time without a pause.

She half-expected the shop to be only pathetic remains, broken glass, torn up books and so on, but it was quiet and tidy, without a trace of Rumple's presence. So she headed home, glad that Rumple gave her spare keys to his car, still parked outside the shop, and that she had Lacey's memories of how to drive. She doubted if she could somehow manage to fit driving lessons in between all crises.

Home was terrifyingly dark and quiet too. With her heart in her mouth, she sprinted upstairs, to check if Rumple returned and if not, to drive to his cabin in the woods.

Bedroom was dark, but in the fading light of the day, she saw a dark, limp shape on the bed. Rumple was lying still, curled in on himself under the blanket, and Belle's heart broke into tiny pieces. She sincerely would prefer him to destroy everything instead of lying here so helplessly.

'Rumple,' she whispered sitting down on the bed and reaching towards him. 'Are you awake?'

He opened his eyes immediately. She couldn't read anything from his gaze.

'It's alright, Rumple,' she said awkwardly, rubbing his arm. 'It's alright.'

'It's not,' he whispered back. 'You know it.'

'I persuaded Blue to not press the issue,' Belle said. 'Emma came, she helped to calm everybody. Marian was taken to the hospital, she'll have good care.'

'I could have killed her.'

'You didn't'.

'She is your friend. How come you don't hate me for what I've done?'

'I couldn't ever hate you Rumple. And I know it wasn't your fault. It was the same that happened with Kay. A flashback. Both accidents happened when someone got too close to you. Rumple, I wish you talked to me. About that missing year. About what Zelena did to you.'

'She controlled me,' Rumple gave a muffled sob. 'Completely. She used me to do things I wouldn't ever... I let her kill Bae...'

Belle was gently petting his hair.

'Perhaps I can't know how it is to be under the dagger's control. But I know that Bae's death wasn't your fault.'

'It was. He gave his life for mine. But he didn't want to do it. He wanted to live. It shouldn't have happened.'

'Of course he wanted to live, but he loved you. You didn't wrong him. It was Zelena.'

'Zelena was my apprentice. You know that. If not for me, she wouldn't know anything about magic. Anything about me and anything about Bae.'

'But she was your apprentice only because you needed someone to cast the curse, to find Bae. And you did find him. He knew you love him. And you know he loved you.'

She lied on the bed beside Rumple and gently embraced him.

'You have nothing to be ashamed of, Rumple. What happened today was Zelena's fault and pure accident on your part.'

Rumple whispered something into her neck.

'Rumple?'

'Blue was right, I'm dangerous.'

'No, Rumple. She wasn't right. I won't let you be controlled. I wish for us to be normal, non-magical couple, but not like that, not like control and punishment. Not when I know how scary it is for you. This must be the result of your work and your choice.'

Rumple actually started to cry.

'Thank you, Belle...'

'Blue is still sure she's right, but Emma helped us to reach a compromise. Blue told me a simple spell to summon the anti-magic cuff and I promised that I will use it if I have to. But my definition of 'have to' is very different than hers. Instead I want you to go to Archie for regular therapy sessions. And to talk to me. You see yourself how important it is for you to get better. Your magic really is powerful and that is a responsibility you have to everybody.'

Rumple nodded.

'I'll go.'

'Good, I'm glad.'

They were slipping into exhausted slumber, when Belle's phone rang.

 

* * *

They both practically jumped on the bed, Gold releasing his hold on Belle. He knew. This was a phone call from the hospital. Marian was dead. There was absolutely no other reason that anyone would call Belle at this hour on a day like this.

Belle quickly scrambled out of the bed and reached for her purse abandoned on the floor.

'It's Diana,' she said.

Was it good or bad? Diana was Belle's friend. But she worked at the hospital and was Marion's friend as well. Maybe Belle didn't hate him, but Diana surely did.

'Hello?' Belle sounded steady and neutral, not cheerful as usual. Gold sighed and buried his face in the pillow, inhaling scent of his wife's perfume, listening keenly and nervously.

'Diana... calm down, please... Yes, I know. Yes, me too!' now Belle sounded angry and sad, and heartbroken, and it was all his fault. 'Diana, be reasonable! Of course that's not true! No!... Well, how about helping everybody, not just... Diana!'

Belle sighed angrily and sat on the bed.

'She broke the connection.'

Belle wasn't looking at him.

'Marian died, right?'

'Yes,' Belle nodded and started to cry.

Gold didn't say anything, because, really, what could he say? There was no way to repair that. Of all deaths he was responsible for, this one hurt very badly. But not the most. Nothing would hurt like Bae's death hurt. Except if he'd kill Belle...

'Diana accused you of being in cahoots with Evil Queen,' Belle said through tears. 'How could she!'

'Regina didn't have anything to do with it,' Gold said quickly. Right, Marian was Regina's rival. But he doubted that these days the former queen would welcome such a solution to her love life problems.

The phone rang again.

'I don't know this number...' Belle stared at the phone. 'Oh well... Belle Gold, speaking.'

Gold felt his heart flutter at Belle's words. She still called herself his surname.

'What?!' she practically screamed at the phone. 'You can forget it! This wasn't his fault, I'm not going to punish him like this!'

Belle cut the connection herself this time.

'It was Blue!' she exclaimed. 'She just demanded to put you in the cuff. Said she enchanted it so only she could get it off.'

Gold's voice cracked, but he looked pleadingly at his wife.

'Belle... don't do this to me, please...' He frantically searched for words to actually try to explain to Belle how he felt about this. It's control, it's offensive, it's unfair, it's trauma and it's humiliation. 'Belle...' He looked at her pleadingly, begging to not put him in such position. He already felt like a coward, fighting off flashbacks of Zelena's capture along with memories of his miserable life in the Frontlands.

'Shh, Rumple, I won't. Nothing changed.' She put her hands on both sides of his face, caressing him softly with her thumbs. 'You didn't want to hurt Marian. This was an accident. This was Zelena's and only Zelena's fault. Do you hear me? I don't care what Diana or Blue or anyone else says. You won't be handcuffed and controlled.'

She tucked the blanket over him, not stopping the gentle caresses.

'Try to sleep, Rumple. You'll feel better in the morning. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere.'

He tried to protest, remembering suddenly that he didn't take the elixir that helped him to avoid sleeping. He closed his eyes, pretending that he's falling asleep, but did his best not to.

 

* * *

Belle sighed, watching her husband’s unmoving form, and gently caressing his hair. All what had happened returned, every awful memory and stinging knowledge that this was serious.

When Rumple disappeared from the diner’s yard, she tried to calm people down, for suddenly everyone was shouting about a murderous beast who would kill them for nothing. She almost saw the mob with the forks and torches marching to their pink house. She tried to reason with them, explain that after what Zelena did, Rumple needed help himself. She hated having to shout it out, to tell strangers what her husband would guard as a secret, but then again, he admitted it himself earlier, with Blue and everyone present.

Emma helped to calm people down, promised to take care of it. She and Blue talked relatively calm compared to the crowd.

But this memory had her freezing in terror too. Granny was there, helped to dissipate the crowd, but throwing in one comment that Belle couldn't forget. 'Of course, he may need help, girl. But let's talk about helping him to cope AFTER he can't use his magic to accidentally kill us all. He's dangerous, and you know it.'

Belle knew it. What Rumple experienced might have been someone else's fault and out of his control, as usual when coping with trauma. But his powers were also real, dangerous, and without comparison to the possible reactions of anyone else in such position.

Emma and especially Blue were clearly agreeing with Granny, even if Emma was willing to be less strict in the solutions. Thank gods that the dagger was back in Rumple's possession and out of question here. But Blue framed it all as if Belle was now responsible for the fate of the whole town and perhaps more.

She just hoped that keeping him away from people, till Archie would be able to help with therapy, will be enough.

 

* * *

He felt the curse's grasp around his heart. Dark tendrils, almost physically palpable. After his resurrection, the time in vault and all the months spent with Zelena without control over himself, they were almost as strong as right after he took the curse, but he himself was weaker.

But now it wasn't the mad rush of newly discovered power he felt then. Nor the breathtaking possibilities of never again being the coward and the victim. Now it was a burden, like a heavy lump on his shoulder and sooner or later he was going to break.

The curse whispered to him. It would be so easy to teach them all lessons. Make it clear that opposing the Dark One is equal to death. Even Blue wouldn't win with the Dark One's power. Then he wouldn't have to fear anything.

But he already felt so guilty. And despite that, Belle was with him. And he wanted her to be with him as long as possible. Killing anyone, giving in to the curse, was the best way to push her away.  

He tried to reason with the curse. Killing anyone now would be equal to showing that it bothers him at all. That he's afraid of what they could do. Better to studiously ignore them, as if they were far beneath his attention.

He tried not to, didn't really have any right for it, but he did feel sorry for himself. The curse was strong, and he's been strong for such a long time, longer than other Dark Ones, thanks to Bae and Belle. Ah, but now he was weaker, after all that Zelena put him through. After being hurt. After sacrificing himself for people he loved and ending up losing his son. After being really alone and left to himself, except by Belle and Bae, but still, Bae was dead and Belle was already so many times in danger from him. And he lost his confidence. Confidence in being able to control himself and what happens to him and Belle. And he felt so guilty for all the bad things he did, a coward giving up to the curse. He still didn't believe that Belle or Bae had truly forgiven him. Who and why ever would?

 

* * *

Belle was lying limp on the floor.

Gold's heart raced. There was no blood, but the remnants of magic were easily detectable in the air. Slowly he managed to rethink what happened. He was in Zelena's cage. Zelena was getting closer, reaching for him, touching him. He was trying to defend himself.

This was a nightmare, and the very reason why he was taking elixir to not sleep.

He must have used magic in his sleep and Belle got caught in the crossfire.

Perhaps she touched him trying to calm him, help him, and now...

He quickly got out of the bed, fell to his knees next to Belle, scooped her up into his arms.

She was cold, she didn't breathe. And it wasn't the sleeping curse.

'Belle...' His voice cracked, tears were flowing freely. He did it. He killed Belle. All what was left was to teleport himself to the town line, cross it, and kill himself there. He still had his gun.

But first he would look at Belle once more.

 

* * *

'Rumple! Rumple, please, wake up!'

It was dark and he couldn't breathe through the tears.

'I'm so sorry,' he cried. 'You should have left me. I should have left... Oh Belle...'

'Rumple, I'm here and I'm fine. It was a nightmare.'

No, it couldn't be. It would be too wonderful. The dream was so real...

He lied for a moment in silence, taking in the dark room, his very alive and concerned wife hovering over him, the soft sheets and pillows, drenched in sweat now.

'Belle, the cuff!' he exclaimed suddenly. 'Do it. You must. I am dangerous to you.'

'What? Rumple, no, I said I won't do it to you.'

He sat up, caught Belle's arms.

'You must,' he said again. 'Please, Belle. I want it. If I hurt you I wouldn’t be able to live with this. I would kill myself then. You must be safe. That was what my magic was for. But now that magic is the danger. The cuff, Belle. Please. Now.'

'Let's go back to sleep, Rumple. We'll talk about this again in the morning, alright?'

She was stroking his arms lightly, distracting him. But he shook his head stubbornly.

'Please, Belle. Please. We must do it now, if we wait till morning, I won't do this. I'll lose all courage. Do it.'

Belle looked as if on the verge of crying. But she summoned the cuff.

'Put it on.' Gold bared his left wrist. 'Go on.'

'Are you sure? Only Blue will be able to take that off. She said that even your dagger won't cut it. And... and cutting... your hand off won't work either... That she added some ancient fairy magic.'

'I'm sure,' Gold said softly and quietly. 'You are more important.'

Belle's lips quivered and a few big tears rolled down her cheeks. But all the same she clasped the cuff on his wrist.

He felt as if someone knocked the breath out of him.

'Rumple?!' Belle shrieked. 'Rumple?!'

He was lying on the pillow, he must have fallen. But everything was already clearer, except for the distinct lack of magic, unsettling but also comforting. Now he wouldn’t hurt Belle.

'I'm okay,' he whispered. 'Let's go back to sleep.'

He would have to sleep now, but he'd gladly endure all nightmares. His chest felt tight, he would have to start taking the medicines Snow Queen prescribed for him. But even if the worst happened, he preferred to die as himself, remembering and loving Belle, knowing that she is safe and unharmed.

 


	9. Chapter 9

'How are you feeling, sweetheart?' asked Belle first thing when he woke up. It was broad daylight and Belle was sitting in bed, stroking his hair gently.

'What time is it?'

Belle smiled.

'A bit past ten.'

'Ten?... Belle, why didn't you wake me up?'

'Because you were sleeping soundly and you needed it.'

Gold sat up.

'Oh, Belle... I have to go open the shop.'

'No, you don't have to if you don't want to.'

'I must, Belle. I... They can't see me weak...'

'They being who?'

'Everybody...' he admitted in whisper. 'I'm sure everybody knows about the cuff, Blue would know it's been... used. And she'd spread the word so people would not be afraid of me anymore.'

Belle sat closer and hugged him.

'You don't have to look all the time what people think. Stay home with me today, Rumple. We need some rest.'

He shook his head.

'What rest, Belle? I just killed your friend. We're not supposed to go on with the day like nothing bad happened.'

Belle's mouth formed thin line.

'Yes, you killed her, but it was an accident. Yes, I miss her. I'm sad she's gone, and I'm sad for Robin and Roland. But that doesn't mean I don't want to take care of you when you need it. And you need it right now.'

'Let me go to the shop just for a few hours. I'll return early. Is that okay?'

Belle looked indecisive.

'Maybe if I went with you...'

'No, Belle, please. I... I don't want to feel like... Like an invalid or something like that. Please.'

'Okay,' Belle sighed. 'But I'll be calling you and don't you dare not to pick up the phone, do you hear me? Please. I'm worried.'

'Okay,' Gold smiled, relieved. He needed that time alone to fill the prescriptions. He'd had to call Dove to accompany him, there was no telling what some people might want to do if they caught him alone. Belle had enough bad news on her head right now, she didn't need to hear about his heart. And, more to the point, he already felt like that damned invalid. He was one. He just couldn't bring himself to talk aloud about yet another weakness of his.

* * *

Belle was worried. She could tell clearly that Rumple was feeling much worse than he wanted her to know. He had nightmares every night for one, but refused to talk about them. Mostly he'd just stay up for the rest of the night. And during the day he seemed so tired, so exhausted. And of course now that he had no magic, his ankle was hurting again.

Despite that, she could feel there was some quiet determination in him. And things he didn't tell her, again. He would disappear to the shop early and once when she dropped by the shop unannounced it was closed.

The other day she entered and heard him talking with someone on the phone. He was in the backroom, but quickly cut the connection when he heard her enter. But she still picked the name – Snow Queen. What business did he have with her and why didn't it end with him being devoid of magic? She wished she'd never agreed to let him keep the secret to himself.

At least the town was calm. It seemed that whatever Blue told the people it had effect. She was getting some weird stares when she was at Granny's or wherever else, but no one tried to speak with her and that was alright. Given Rumple's reputation that was the best she could expect.

Marian's funeral was two days after the accident and Belle was conflicted about what to do. She wanted to go, to give her condolences to Robin and Roland, but would she be welcome at all? Did they understand that it really had been an accident?

She might have been brave once, but now she backed out. She just promised herself to speak with Emma later. The sheriff would know what everyone was thinking and wouldn’t judge her. Belle wished that she and Henry were closer with her and Rumple, they were family after all. But now it was perhaps for the best to take things slowly.

* * *

'It will be okay, Belle,' said Ruby, smiling gently. Belle came to the diner on the second afternoon after Marian's funeral. She really needed that time for herself and Ruby eagerly agreed. They were sitting in one booth over warm cocoa.

'It's hard to believe it will,' Belle shook her head. 'Rumple surely doesn't. I feel like everything depends on me and all the same I know that there are things I just can't do and he has to do or want himself.'

'How is he taking the Marian accident?'

Belle smiled with gratitude, even if it was all so sad. Ruby knew how it was to cause such an accident, better than Belle could. And she wasn't going to point fingers. Not for this.

'Bad. He doesn't talk about it anymore, and I think it's because he's feeling guilty. He doesn't talk about anything. And I keep wondering what it is that he's not telling me. He gave up magic, I thought this impossible, but also I thought that then... Well, it's silly.'

'It's not silly. What did you think?'

'I kind of thought that without magic all our problems would disappear.' Belle laughed mirthlessly at her own stupidity. 'But they didn't of course. He still has secrets. He still needs to feel powerful. And I'm still left out and scared and unable to help. I keep expecting that either he'll break under the strain or he'll find the way to feel powerful by doing something to all the people he's seeing as enemies, Blue Fairy at the top of the list. Long list I suppose. He's convinced that either he'll get to them first or they will get to him. And he's creative and determined enough to strike first. I wouldn't know anything until it's too late, I'm sure.'

* * *

When Belle was walking out of the diner and heading to the car she borrowed from Rumple for the evening (and which gave her some assurance that he wouldn’t go anywhere to plot gods know what), someone called her name. She turned to see Diana.

'Belle, I'm sorry,' Diana said quickly. 'I didn't want to be mad at you.'

Belle sighed. Diana continued.

'It's just that I was there when Marian... Well, you know. It was my shift at the hospital and even if it's not my ward, I just went there, to check on her. She flatlined so quickly. They couldn't do anything...'

'I'm sorry,' Belle said. 'But this was an accident.'

'You understand that I find it hard to believe.'

'I understand, but still I think you are wrong.'

'I'm worried about you, Belle. And Marian was worried too. You are living with the man who tried to kill Robin once, and who succeeded in killing his wife now. And who captured Kay in the mirror for what must have been forever if not for the time portal.'

'Diana, I wish you could see my side of things. But if not then we at least should agree to disagree.'

'But how is it possible that you have such faith in him? Didn't he ever deceive you?'

'It's in the past.'

'I've heard the rumors that he tried to kill mayor Mills even when he promised you not to.'

Belle cringed.

'I don't think I want to discuss this with you, Diana, I'm sorry.'

'I heard he killed Zelena.'

Belle hesitated.

'He didn't.'

'You don't seem convinced. Belle, I only want to help you.'

Belle shook her head.

'This isn't helping.'

Diana looked at her intensely for a moment.

'Perhaps I know how you could be sure of it.'

'What?'

'The mirror. It can answer one yes-or-no question for each person.'

'Yes, I know.'

'I don't think Kay would have anything against you asking.'

Belle bit her lip and nervously shifted from one foot to another. Zelena's death was the single thing that didn't seem to leave her mind from the very beginning of her marriage. There wasn't any explanation for it. Rumple denied it of course. But something still was amiss.

She felt her cheeks redden with shame at the clear fact, that she didn't trust her husband. Her poor husband who had been through so much. But precisely for that reason it would be so like him to go after Zelena, to find some crazy loophole to sidestep the fact that Belle had the dagger at the time. Blue gave that as a reason why the cuff was necessary beside the dagger and now it reverberated in Belle's mind loudly.

She went with Diana to her little flat. She tried to not notice Kay's satisfied expression when he learned why was she there.

Diana laid the mirror on the table before Belle. It looked just like the Dream Mirror, but with slightly different pattern to the ornate frame.

'You need to cut your finger on the frame and let one drop of blood fall on the surface,' explained Diana. 'Then you ask your question.'

Belle bit her lip so hard that she tasted blood. But she did as Diana told her. She needed to know. She did so many cowardly things lately, that she really needed to face this one. If Rumple was innocent, then she would have one matter less to worry about. If not... well, it's high time to stop hiding and pretending nothing happened. There was no substitute for sincerity and trust.

The blood on the surface began to sink into the glass. Belle found her voice and asked clear and loud.

'Tell me, did Rumplestiltskin kill Zelena?'

* * *

Gold was in the kitchen, making sandwiches and worrying that Belle was late. She should have been home at least half an hour ago. Sure, she probably just lost track of time talking to the Lucas girl, but what if something bad happened to her? He should have sent Dove to drive her there and back, not just let her borrow the car. How could he give up and let her have her way when she didn't understand what could happen. She should be smarter by now, after all she went through just because she was his love. He imagined her kidnapped, bound, thrown into a dark and dirty basement, tortured, wounded, dead. He had to put the cup on the table before it slipped from his shaking hands and shattered into a million pieces.

Then he heard car engine and took a few deep breaths before going to the hall to greet his wife.

'Belle, I was so worried, why...'

All words died on his lips, because Belle was crying and apparently she had been crying for a long time, her face was red and puffy. Gods, she was driving in that state, she could have had an accident!

'Sweetheart, what happened?' He reached to her with both arms, but she evaded him. 'Belle?'

Belle took a deep breath and turned to him.

'I'm so sorry, Rumple! I'm so sorry!'

She hid her face in her hands and just stood there crying.

'Sweetheart, whatever happened surely isn't that bad. Here, come to the kitchen, I've made you sandwiches.'

Belle let him take her by the arms and sit her in the kitchen. She pushed the plate away to him.

'I can't eat. You eat, please.'

'No, sweetheart, I'm not hungry. I've made these for you, I've eaten already.'

He sat on the other side of the table, sensing she would like to have some distance. She allowed him to take her hands into his.

'Now, sweetheart, tell me what happened? Why are you crying like that?'

Several terrible scenarios already flew through his mind, but no one quite fit.

'Rumple...' she sniffed. 'I'm sorry. I'll understand if you get all mad at me, I'm not denying that I behaved awfully.'

'I won't be angry, sweetheart, now tell me,' he assured her softly, rubbing her hands.

'I talked so much about how I wish you trust me more, and then... and then I couldn't really trust you...'

She paused in another fit of tears. He started to get anxious.

'Belle? What have you done?'

'Diana told me that if I want, I can come to her and ask the mirror about you,' Belle explained in a totally miserable tone. 'I told her that she is wrong about you, but... Oh, Rumple, but I went with her anyway. I asked. I'm so sorry!'

'Belle... What... what have you asked?'

'About Zelena,' cried Belle. 'I couldn't stop thinking of it...'

Gold's mind raced. Nothing fit. Did Belle really ask the mirror about his... his last terrible sin against Belle's trust and love? But then why was she crying and apologizing?

'Belle, sweetheart, listen to me.' He waited until Belle was looking at him. 'How exactly did you phrase the question?'

Belle sniffed but answered straight up.

'I asked: did Rumplestiltskin kill Zelena? And the Mirror said no.'

All of the sudden he couldn't catch his breath, the walls were closing in on him, and there was terrible roar in his ears, preventing him from hearing anything that Belle was saying.

No. How was that possible?

He didn't kill Zelena.

He didn't kill Zelena.

Zelena was alive.

His stomach rolled and he barely got to the toilet in time. Gods, was it that? The heart attack? His chest was tight, he couldn't stand up if he tried and he couldn't stop vomiting even if he had nothing else left in his stomach.

Belle kneeled behind him, supporting him, rubbing his arms.

'Oh gods, Rumple... Rumple, what's wrong? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Can you stand up? Come, you should lie down. I'm so sorry.'

She sounded panicked herself. Gold managed to turn to her.

'Belle... Belle...'

How was he supposed to tell her?

Could he not tell her now? But Zelena was alive. Belle was in danger. And he was helpless. Totally helpless to protect her. Oh why did he agree to the damn cuff?!

'Belle, you have to know... You're in danger... I should be sorry, not you. I've messed that up.' He started crying, but ignored it completely, focusing his energy on telling her. Finally telling her.

'I don't understand, Rumple. What danger?'

'Zelena.'

'Zelena is dead. She killed herself in her cell.'

'No. She didn't. I killed her.'

'What? Rumple, honey, what are you talking about? The mirror can't lie, I researched it enough to know.'

'I mean I wanted to.'

'But you didn't. You kept your promise and I still didn't trust you...'

'No!' he shouted. She looked at him surprised and a bit afraid. Gold took a deep breath. 'I tried to kill her. I went to her cell and stabbed her with the dagger. I thought she was dead. But now we know she survived somehow!'

Belle's face was white.

'I don't understand, Rumple. What do you mean you've stabbed her with the dagger? I had the dagger. You couldn't possibly do that.'

He sagged against the toilet's wall, head lowered in shame.

'Rumple?'

'I switched the daggers. You had fake one. I switched them back later, so you had the real one from the day I put protection spells on your handbag.'

He heard Belle standing, but she didn't leave. Several minutes passed in the silence, but he heard very quiet sobs and they broke his heart even further.

'You proposed to me with that dagger,' she said finally, in a soft, sad voice. 'With the fake one. I asked you to not kill her out of vengeance and you did just that. And such was the beginning of our marriage. You know, this was your idea. You proposed. You gave me the dagger. You didn't have to do any of these things. Did you just want to use me as an alibi?'

He stayed silent because... yes. He did. It was the only way to kill Zelena, to ensure that he fulfilled at least that promise to Bae and that Belle and everybody else were safe from the Wicked Witch.

'Did you think that I asked you not to kill her because I was pitying her or something? I did that for you. I didn't want you heart, your soul to had another death weighing on them. I only wanted...' she sighed heavily. 'I wanted you. All of you. And I wanted to help you be the best version of yourself. Did you remember? These are your words. But it seems that you were wrong, and I don't inspire anything like that in you. Well, Rumple. I think I need some time on my own.'

He looked up now, in pure horror.

'You're leaving?...'

'I'll go to the apartment over library. Oh gods, when I heard what the mirror said I was so sorry, but still I was so happy with its answer. And now...'

She shook her head and went out. He heard her going upstairs. She soon returned with two large bags full of clothes and books, that were overflowing and making it impossible to close the zippers.

'Do you need help?' She asked, setting the bags on the floor. 'How do you feel?'

He slipped on his best mask.

'I'm fine. All passed.'

She helped him to get up, then lifted the bags again.

'I'll take the car, but I'll call Dove to come for it so you'll have it in the morning, don't worry.'

'Okay.'

And then she left. Gold slid down onto his previous place on the toilet floor, looking stupidly at the flower pattern on the opposite wall. He felt totally numb. He would probably spend all night like that, if not for the noise that caught his attention. Gold tensed, all coward's instincts screaming, but then only Thumper appeared in the door.

'Oh gods, she didn't take you with her!' Gold exclaimed. He reached for the towel hanging above him and threw it at the rabbit, scaring it away. But at least it snapped him out from the numbness.

Zelena was alive. He needed to do something.

Gold fished the cell phone from his pocket and dialed Regina's number.

* * *

'Oh, Ruby, I'm so glad you came!' Belle hugged her best friend at the door of her small library apartment. 'Come in. It's a bit of mess because I really wasn't here for a long time, but it should be okay. How long can you stay?'

'As long as you need me to, I've brought food from diner, wine, toothbrush and pajamas.'

'I love you Ruby!'

'Hey, just don't start to cry just yet, tell me what happened first!' Ruby hugged Belle again. The tears flew anyway and plenty.

'Come here, Ruby, let's sit,' Belle said crying and sniffing, going to the small couch. I'll tell you everything...'

Small eternity later Ruby sighed.

'I see. I'm not surprised that you're feeling betrayed.'

Belle sipped her wine, a bit calmer now, that Ruby knew everything.

'I am worried for him, though he at least can't hurt anyone now' she admitted. 'But this can't go unaddressed. What he did was...' She shook her head, angry.

'Belle?'

Belle threw her glass through the room, watching as it crashed into the wall and broken into a million pieces.

'There was always someone who tried to control me, either by force or manipulation,' she hissed through gritted teeth. 'My whole life as a princess was meant to be a life of breeding mare. My father loves me, but he was always so completely sure that he is the one to decide what will happen to me, at least until I marry someone. Someone chosen by him of course and it was Gaston. I've never really mattered as a person. Then Regina imprisoned me and I was controlled again. Then my own father kidnapped me. Then I lost my memory, so once again - no agency. This has to change and I thought it can change with Rumple, but then again, he proved me wrong. Not for the first time too, but I've always forgiven him. Perhaps that's why he didn't really change, he didn't have the need to. What for if I'd forgive everything anyway?'

Ruby sat closer and started to rub circles on her back.

'He still doesn't trust me, still thinks his power is the most important thing in his life. And I was used, manipulated, lied to and betrayed.'

'But he doesn't have power now?'

Belle sighed.

'He doesn't. He said he had to control the power so I won't get hurt. And now I can only see how he's treating me like a child or a trinket again, thinking how to regain the power to protect me and himself. I thought something changed when he asked me for help with research... But no, I still didn't know what that was for. He never tells me anything! As if I was something stupid and dependent, which has to be protected. Something that doesn't get any say and must do as he decides.'

Belle drank wine directly from the bottle.

'But Ruby, I'd so love to not be protected. I hate it so much. I want to be treated as equal, is that so difficult to understand?'

'I guess not if you're raised in the States, but back in Fairy Tale Land... It was, you know, middle ages there. Sort of.'

'Sort of. And now all men think that they had to do everything themselves. In the end Rumple has the same mindset as my father. Maybe I should leave Storybrooke and start a life really on my own.'

Ruby looked at her with wide eyes.

'You're serious?'

'Why not? Thanks to Lacey I have all knowledge of the modern world I need. I could find a job, go to university, have a career. See the world. Do something important. I did go on an adventure once and managed to turn Phillip back into a human. And now there won't be any Regina waiting to catch me. I need freedom, Ruby, I need to do what I choose to do, not what someone else tells me to or manipulates me into.'

The logical conclusion that Rumplestiltskin wouldn't ever agree to leave Storybrooke and magic wasn't spoken, but practically was hanging in the air.

'But now he doesn't have magic. Maybe now he'd agree to leave?'

Belle shook her head.

'I don't think so. He'd be too afraid.'

Ruby bit her lips.

'But if, then would you want him to go with you?'

'I don't know...' Belle sighed and her lips trembled with new cry spell. 'Now I really start to doubt myself. If I really was right to see the man behind the monster. Maybe I was as naive as people were telling me... Maybe he really can't change.'

* * *

By the time Regina cut the connection, informed Emma and Charmings and teleported straight to his house, devoid of most magical barriers now, Gold was feeling like hell. Still, he stood up and put up a brave front. Pity it didn't last.

'What the hell, Rumplestiltskin?' Regina caught him by his arm and guided to the sofa. 'What's wrong?'

'My heart,' Gold rasped. 'The Dark Curse is destroying it. Without magic I can't cure it.'

Regina was quick to catch on.

'Then you can have a heart attack just as we speak?'

'Yes.'

'Holy shit. Do you have any heart medicine here? To take while I'll call an ambulance?'

'No ambulance. Zelena. I don't want her to know...' He took a ragged breath, hissing with pain. 'There's nitroglycerine in the medicine cabinet.'

Regina brought the pills and watched as he took one, holding it under his tongue.

'No matter,' she said. 'I'm just teleporting you to the ER.'

'Can't... Too much people. I'm already much too weak as the cuff won't allow me to use my magic...'

'That damn, blue bug! She didn't have to... Alright.' Regina took a deep breath. 'Then I'll pull some strings as a mayor and smuggle you to the hospital unnoticed.'

'No need. Call Snow Queen. Number's on my cell. Tell her. She knows secrecy. Then you can teleport me to her office or whatever you'll agree on.'

Regina raised her eyebrows already wondering what blackmail was in play. She still wondered about it in dr. Andersen's office, watching Rumplestiltskin having blood drawn and hooked up to the ECG with Snow Queen calmly assessing the situation.

'It's not a heart attack yet.' Dr Andersen stated finally after a series of tests and waiting for lab results. 'Still, I'll have you stay in the hospital for the night at least,' she informed in dispassionate, professional voice.

'No. The pain is practically gone now. I can't stay, just give me something...'

'I already gave you all the meds I could,' Snow Queen cut in, coldly. 'And you might look at hospital as your best chance for surviving. This still may become a heart attack and you want to have medical help on hand then.'

Regina already started to like the doctor.

'Gold, you should stay and you know it. Emma and I can take care of that... wicked problem for now. I assume you don't want me to call Belle?'

Gold sighed.

'No. But make sure she's safe.'

'I will. I have to leave you now then, but I'll come sometime in the morning.'

'We have visiting hours,' Snow Queen said.

'And I have several ways to cut the hospital’s budget. Take good care of him.' With that Regina smiled and vanished.

* * *

Next morning they could actually talk. Gold was ready to leave the hospital, sighing impatiently at Snow Queen's babble about how he should stay longer.

No way. He needed to find Zelena, and find a way to remove her from the picture for good. He already wasted too much time as it was.

He knew he'd have to see Snow Queen regularly now, still in secret. Though now that Belle moved out it felt somewhat overrated. But he had to be healthy enough to be able to outsmart Zelena, even without magic.

Regina appeared just in time to take him back home, by magic again. He certainly didn't want to be seen in the hospital. It was bad enough that one of the nurses – and of course it just had to be Gerda – knew.

They appeared in his living room and Gold sat on the couch, feeling weak with relief.

'You have a rabbit.'

'What?'

'You have a rabbit,' repeated Regina. 'And a hungry one too.'

Gold sighed.

'He'll just have to wait.'

Regina shook her head and magicked water, carrots and lettuce for Thumper.

'So you won't have to think of it and the animal won't starve,' she explained.

Gold rolled his eyes, exasperated.

'Can we talk about something important, Regina? Like about your sister?'

Regina sat in the armchair with an expression of a hungry tiger.

'I'd love nothing more. If I were Snow I would try to convince you that Zelena surely hid or left and is trying to be better, having a second chance. But I am the Evil Queen and there's too much at stake for me now to ignore such a threat.'

Gold smiled, even if a bit sadly.

'Oh right, Regina. Congratulations.'

'Thank you,' she smiled widely and brightly, like the one on top of the world. But how much of it was just an act?

'How is your thief reacting to being a father again?' Gold asked, in a much more serious tone.

She smiled again and he didn't really like the fact that she seemed to notice his concern for her. But oh hell, he was already too tired to be more guarded.

'The thief isn't mine. You see, I don't think it's enough to remove the wife, he made some choices, I made mine and that's still standing.'

'The child will need a father.'

'Sure,' Regina sighed. 'And Robin will have full parental rights, I wouldn't limit his time with the child and so on. But he won't be my thief again.'

'That's alright then.'

'Well, let's work on not letting the child's aunt in his or her life.'

'Yes.' Gold hesitated. 'But before that... Did you speak with Robin Hood about his wife?...'

Regina frowned.

'No. But I think he knows you didn't mean to kill her.'

Gold sighed and closed his eyes.

'The whole town knows that after Blue's cuff campaign.'

'True, but think that you at least are somewhat innocent. I murdered her deliberately. Well, at least in some timelines, but still.'

Gold smirked.

'Well, if you put it like that, I won't argue.'

'I've been torturing people, don't forget that, Gold. You were too, sometimes, hell, you've tortured Robin! I know what attacking Marian was about. And Robin knows that too. Though it would help if you told him you're sorry in person.'

'What an advice from the Evil Queen.'

She smirked.

'Don't get defensive, it's counterproductive. But on the other hand, maybe you shouldn't. Blue has done enough damage to your reputation.'

Gold frowned. Regina understood. She actually understood too much for his liking, but with her need of power and control it wasn't surprising at all. You need to at least appear strong if not to actually be. Having Cora for a mother taught her that lesson well.

'I need to get rid of that cuff,' he said, trying to come up with some leverage with Blue.

'I don't think so.'

'What?...'

'Calm down, Gold,' Regina admonished him, irritated. 'You are much too panicky for your own good and I don't think that's just thanks to my sister. I meant that curse's magic will damage your heart even quicker than it's failing right now on its own.'

'I need my magic, Regina, and you know that perfectly well.'

'Then maybe later, when we actually face Zelena. For as little time as possible. Don't you tell me it's not practical.'

'And until then?'

'Until then I have enough magic for us both. Or for three of us, as it happens. Or even four if you make up with Belle.'

'I won't. She's better off without me. And safer.'

'Suit yourself. We have bigger problems, actually. Because something tells me that when the curse is done with your heart, we'll be facing a whole different level of trouble.'

Gold looked away, frowning.

'Spill it, Gold, we don't have time.'

'The Dark One will remain. Only him.'

Regina nodded.

'And this certainly isn't something I'm going to let happen. I wonder if Blue knows how that works. If she does, then she won't take off the cuff, no matter if Zelena were going to murder the whole town. Also, is there even one person you've told this before me?'

'Snow Queen.'

'Ah, your doctor. That's something at last. Because I wouldn't want to find out that there's potential doom again over us without any forewarning.'

'You need to keep it in secret. Regina, if people know, then they would toss me over town line in a second. And even if I die there, the Dark One may find its way back.'

'For now I won't tell anybody. But for now.'

'Fair enough.' He was well aware that Regina would break any deal if she thought that it's a threat to her child. He wasn't about to argue in vain.

'And what about Belle? She's your true love, couldn't she have stalled what's happening to your heart?'

Gold grimaced.

'I didn't tell her.' Belle shouldn't feel pressured into being with him anyway.

'When she'll find out on her own, probably when it will be too late, she is going to be so pissed off at you,' mused Regina with smugness that was masking her concern. Gold wondered in exasperation if it was pregnancy that suddenly made Regina so concerned about him and probably about everybody else around too.

'She... Well, she's the Beauty and I am the old monster, right? And contrary to popular belief our lives are not fairy tales.'

'Mmm, she won't understand, that's what you're going to say?'

He nodded, his mouth thinned into a line.

'Well, I am surely able to understand many things about you that Belle couldn't,' Regina said in a hard, guarded tone. 'But then again, for you it would be much better to have her, not me, around. I'd never be able to help you like she can.'

Gold felt the need to either toss Regina out of his home or to run away as far as he could. When did this conversation become about helping him? And why it was the bloody Evil Queen saying things like this?

Regina sighed.

'You know, Rumplestiltskin, I have killed so many people and I don't know the names of most of them. I did it out of revenge and rage. In this world I would be a mass murderer, or a war criminalist maybe. When you want to get better and atone for what you did, you start to remember more and more and more. You can't sleep. You can't talk to people you love. You think you are a monster, without right to anything, starting with living. And you at least did all you've done under the curse, which you even didn't take selfishly but to save someone you love. How is that being a proper monster? I did all I've done by myself and out of hate. But here I am. So I think there is hope for you yet.'

'It's not so straightforward, dearie. The curse makes sure that there is as little hope as possible.'

'Yes, Gold, I understand that this Dark Curse is influencing you. Without it you wouldn't do anything morally suspicious, probably.' She managed to say it as if it were something improper or against savoir-vivre rules. 'This is also why your human heart won't be healed if the curse were to be lifted. It's pure you, suffering under the crazy darkness. I sort of suspect that at least part of the coronary thing is just the stress. Really. No magic, just you fighting with the enormity of what you've done to other people. I'm speaking from experience here. And, yes, not too long ago I wouldn't believe that I'm able to give such a speech, especially to you. Perhaps that's the fault of my hormones.'

Gold was looking at her a bit, or more, shocked. Regina shrugged.

'You've got to earn your happy ending, as popular saying goes.'

'Perhaps...' he allowed, mostly to close the topic. 'Can we concentrate on the other problem? The wicked one?'

'The wicked one might just speed things up for your heart by keeping you for the whole year without free will to defend the curse.'

'The more reason to eliminate it.'

'Agreed. I'll start by taking something that belonged to her and using the elixir to find her. Surely we can get something hers from her house.'

Gods, he was at her house. And she might have been there, watching... But no, it's not time for this. Gold forced himself to focus.

'I don't think so. We don't want her to know that we found her. Elixir is the last resort. Especially when she didn't show herself. She might be planning something dangerous and it's better to check the board before hooraying in. You start to think like the Charmings, I don't appreciate it. Though I suppose you always have been hot-headed and less than subtle.'

Regina glared at him irritated.

'So what do you propose?'

'Search for any of her magic that might be active. I suppose her brooch disappeared from your vault?'

'Yes, sadly.'

'Well, but I have something in my shop. The globe I used to find... You're Zelena's sister, your blood will work.'

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many, many thanks to everyone who read or left kudos. Thank you! It means a lot to me!

They arrived to the shop only to find it was broken into and the globe was nowhere to be found. Bloody magical barriers have been dropping off one by one, and so the place with hundreds of dangerous magical objects was practically open for everybody to suit themselves. Regina felt the need to break some more things, hard.

Gold sagged heavily against the counter, surveying damage.

'Well,' said Regina angrily. 'We'll simply adjust our technique.'

'We won't.' Gold said tiredly. 'Elixir ingredients are also missing. As virtually everything else we could use to find anyone. It was her. She knew exactly what to take.'

'You should go back home and get some rest,' said Regina authoritatively. 'We won't do anything if you drop dead and free the Dark One. I'll go check in with the Charmings and I'll search my crypt for something useful.'

The most unsettling thing was that he agreed without putting up much fight. That was why, after delivering Gold home, she went to Belle. Before knocking she wondered how much she could tell the little bookworm. Gold forbade her to tell Belle about anything and about his heart in particular. He seemed firmly convinced that Belle should just be happy without him and Regina partially admired that and partially felt unbelievably frustrated. Belle would surely want Gold to come, apologize, explain and gods know what else, though probably not yet, not after such short time. Well, that was not going to happen anyway.

Belle opened the door after a very long time, looking sick and harassed. Regina frowned impatiently.

'We need to talk.'

Bele cringed, squinting her eyes and gestured for Regina to lower her voice.

'Are you hungover, bookworm?'

'That's none of your business, Evil Queen.'

Regina smiled unpleasantly.

'Oh yes, I think it is. But it's quite complicated, so let's talk inside.'

'No. Go away, Regina, I don't have to talk to you. I don't want to.'

'We need to talk about Gold...'

'No way. Not your damn business. Get lost, Regina.'

And the little bookworm shut the door in Regina's face. What a...

'You'll regret that, princess!' Regina called and disappeared.

* * *

Belle felt better after slamming the door into Regina's face, but it didn't last for long. An hour later Diana came, with Kay in tow.

'Belle, sweetheart, I've heard that you left your husband... Is there something I can do to help? And how did that happen, when the mirror told you that he's innocent?'

Belle sighed. She really didn't need to explain things all over and Kay standing here and emanating smugness wasn't improving the matter.

She managed to get rid of them as quickly as it was polite, even if she felt a bit guilty. Diana wanted to help. But she also looked like she knew more than she was telling and that was unnerving. Belle didn't need another story from the Fairy Tale Land of how Rumple hurt someone, Kay most probably, for what else would it be?

Perhaps a reasonable person would call Archie now and book an appointment with the therapist, but Belle didn't want to be reasonable. She tried to be reasonable for her whole life and look what it got her. Time to try something new. Perhaps some of Lacey's views weren't so stupid after all. She should borrow some of them. Lacey would never allow anyone to subdue her. Over her dead body.

Still, it would be nice to know what she could do to have normal relationships. Snow White had easily the best marriage among Belle's friends. Belle wanted to learn the secret, maybe she should go and ask. Just like Rumple was asking David, even if ultimately whatever David told him, didn't work.

Curling up beneath the blanket, Belle realized that she was jealous. Snow White had a good marriage and life full of adventures. And she didn't need magic for that. Or books and knowledge for that matter. Life decided to come to Snow White itself, not waiting for her move. Snow did so much and was responsible for so much. Belle wanted her share of responsibility too.

Falling asleep Belle promised herself that the time when she allowed anybody to stop her from living her life was over. She was leaving Storybrooke.

* * *

'We did a hell of footwork and searched half the town including Zelena's house,' Regina said without greeting when she popped up in Gold's living room late in the evening. 'Nothing. People didn't notice anything either. She's hiding well. But her house was abandoned, even if magical barriers were holding and took both my and Emma's powers to dismantle.'

Gold frowned. He should have suspected something back when he went to Zelena's house and found the barriers strong as always.

'I'm sure she knows we're looking for her by now.'

Regina absentmindedly conjured fresh water for Thumper, but anger made her splash it on rabbit's fur. Thumper, true to his name, thumped heavily and disappeared behind the table.

'Perhaps we will have to wait for her move,' admitted Regina. 'Everybody knows she's alive by this point and it will be much harder for her to hide. And she can't just use glamour. People will notice a stranger as well. They are suspicious after, well, everything that has happened in Storybrooke so far...'

Regina paused. Then she took a deep breath.

'You should talk to Belle.'

'Leave that alone, Regina.' Gold put as much threat into those words as possible.

'No, I won't. Not when she's the best thing to keep you from having a heart attack and freeing the Dark One. Because I assume it'd be free even with that bracelet. And while I want to believe that the bracelet will stop him, I'm also too much of a realist to assume so.'

Gold shook his head.

'Perhaps. But it's not going to work anyway, so just skip to the next topic, dearie.'

'What the hell, Gold?' Regina bend towards him from her place in the armchair. 'You talk worse than my father. It's crap, utter crap, to be dealing with someone like that. You're just going to hurt her more if you keep this up. You should move your ass and do something!'

'Why do you even care, Regina?' Gold retorted, raising his voice. 'You're the one who held her prisoner to hurt me!'

'Yes, I am, so perhaps you should appreciate what I'm saying twice as much.'

'You're turning into the Charmings, Regina. Always forcing people to do what they think is good.'

'No, I'm doing what I think is good. Or rather right.'

'Yes, because doing the right thing is such a wonderful way to a happy ending. Well, not for everybody, dearie. You are a villain too, don't forget.'

'Oh, I have every intention to forget that stupid label. You said it yourself, our life isn't a fairy tale. I think your little bookworm knows that as well. Don't use it as an excuse for doing nothing.'

'If you forgot, I did the right thing once. And look what it cost me.'

Regina snorted.

'You think that world is predictable? That it has a sense of justice? Oh, perhaps it's just what I should expect from famous dealmaker Rumplestiltskin, but somehow I thought you have more sense that that. Well, you can't do right things with the assumption that they will be profitable. That's totally not the point. But suit yourself. If you're not going to talk to Belle, then please start looking for some way to restrain the Dark One after your quick death.'

And with that, she disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

* * *

Against his better judgment, the next morning Gold went to the library apartment. He didn't bring flowers or other presents, that didn't feel serious enough. Somewhere deep in his mind he knew that Regina was right. You can't do right things with assumption that they will be profitable. That's totally not the point. He knew that once, before taking the curse. He taught this to Bae. It was perhaps because of the cuff, that he was able to act on this again. This and what Belle always was saying – you have to fight for your true love.

Maybe Belle would tell him that she didn't want him. Well, she didn't, she left. But at least he would know that he tried. At least he would apologize once more, because even if Belle didn't want him, he wanted her to know that he didn't want to hurt her. However he eventually did.

She opened the door and he wanted to cry at the same moment. She looked terrible, pale with red eyes and ruffled hair. And it was his fault.

'Belle... I'm so sorry...'

She looked at him frowning and he could tell she was still angry. Maybe he should have waited a day or two? But he might not have the courage then. Though, on the other hand, what did it matter if he had the courage or not. He was trying to make it about himself again, while he should concentrate on Belle.

'Please, be concise,' she told him coldly. 'I'm in the middle of packing.'

'Packing?...'

'I'm leaving Storybrooke tomorrow morning. I need to make my life mine.'

Without anybody dragging her down or manipulating her. Of course. Of course, she was right. She should go. And she would be safe! Safe from Zelena!

'I understand, Belle. Yes, you should do that.'

She looked at him with wide eyes.

'I expected you to protest...'

'No, I couldn't stop you. You should go, just as you said, make your life yours.’

'I wouldn't be able to come back.'

'But you can call if you want. And about coming back, well, I'm sure it's not so foolproof if one has help inside the town.'

'Oh. Sure. You know that best.'

'I do. You know the town line changed after the second curse. You won't lose your memories for once. There are ways to allow someone to enter the town. This time the town line works much better than the first.'

'Alright. Then take care of yourself, Rumplestiltskin. Goodbye.'

'Goodbye, Belle. And I'm really sorry.'

She closed the door.

He went to his shop and called Regina. She came quickly, apparently frustrated at lack of progress in finding her sister.

'We need to discuss more aggressive tactic, dearie,' he told her without preamble. 'Belle is leaving the town, Zelena won't be able to use her as leverage with me.'

Regina made a face.

'Not what I imagined when I told you to speak with her.'

'It's for the best. It's...'

'Gold?'

'I'm fine...' he gasped, pressing one hand to his chest. 'I'm...'

Regina caught him when he lost his balance. The room started to spin and he couldn't breathe. He felt cold sweat collecting on his forehead. This was it. At least the symptoms were obvious and he wasn't alone. Who’d have thought he might have such luck. Perhaps this time he still had a chance to live.

'Gold! Hold on, I'm taking you to hospital!'

He couldn't respond, couldn't really concentrate on anything beside the horrible, burning pain in his chest and stomach. He almost threw up on Regina. There was swirl of color, then noise, then he was moving, there were people beside Regina and he couldn't move, couldn't talk. They were shouting, pulling at his clothes, and it made the pain even worse. Snow Queen appeared, touching him, pricking him with a needle, sticking something to his chest. Then he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore and felt himself drifting away into blackness.

* * *

Belle zipped up the bag and sighed heavily. Since her talk with Rumple, the idea of leaving didn't seem so exciting. Her energy somehow disappeared. Maybe because he agreed so easily. Leaving Storybrooke was supposed to be about her being able to tear herself away from everything that tried to control her. When Rumple didn't try, it lost most of its point. Now she felt as if she awoke from a drunken dream. Rumple didn't look well. She was worried.

Her phone rang. Regina. The Evil Queen. Maybe talking to her will help her regain some of the lost momentum?

'Hello?'

'Well, princess, I must say I'm impressed. I can't think of a better way to hurt him, and I am the Evil Queen.'

'What?'

'He's in hospital. He just had a heart attack and is having angioplasty right now. You might want to come. You should be his emergency contact anyway.'

'What?...' Belle had to sit down. 'How?...'

'The usual way, bookworm, I'm sure you can read about coronary in some textbook. I tried to tell you yesterday about that possibility, because that idiot didn't want you to know. I would be mad at him myself, but you still should come. There's much more to the story and it's not the talk for the phone.'

'I'll be there, sure...'

Belle cut the connection. Not trying to stop crying, she run out of the apartment and sprinted the few blocks to the hospital.

* * *

'He's still in...'

'Operating room?' Belle cut in. 'Still?'

'No, not operating room, angioplasty isn't open heart surgery, bookworm. We have to wait, anyway, and it's time for you to learn some things about your idiot husband. You can cry along the way, but try to concentrate on what I'm saying.'

Regina hoped that her no-nonsense, hard approach would calm Belle into behaving somewhat rationally, because she really wasn't going to go and support the bookworm emotionally. Just... no. Supporting anyone emotionally simply wasn't something that she did.

'Regina, how should I know I can believe what you're saying?'

Oh great, of all logical questions to ask, she had to pick that one.

'You can't of course. But I insist, because this time what you do will have consequences for everybody. And I'm going to do everything it takes to make you understand and believe. This is not the quantum physics anyway. Can you listen?'

Belle sat on hard, plastic, hospital chair, Regina took the next one. The bookworm put on her best brave or just daring face. Actually, she looked quite like Lacey.

'I'm listening.'

'Good. The curse of the Dark One, the curse that your husband took over three hundred years ago, is corroding his heart. Metaphorically and physically. He knew, for quite a long time, I guess, but now the progress is... substantial. He doesn't have much time if things stay as they are. When his heart dies, the darkness will take over and only the Dark One will remain. We're talking about pure evil unleashed on the town. Short of moving everybody out of Storybrooke, I can't see a solution to that. If we can move everybody out in time anyway, which is too much of a chance to take.'

'He'll die.'

'Yes, bookworm, that's what I've just said.'

'And you care only about... town? Since when you care about the town anyway?'

'Then believe me that I care about my children.'

'Children?'

'Princess, can we concentrate on important things? You're almost as bad as Gold in logical conversations. At least now, because he's clearly not himself after what my wicked sister did to him. Even in the Enchanted Forest, being batshit crazy imp, he was still logical and sharp. So for the record, I'm pregnant, therefore children. Now, can we concentrate on keeping everybody alive?'

'Yes.'

'Don't play the offended, princess. You are his true love. The exact one thing that can slow if not stop the curse. Well, besides cutting off his access to magic, but even as a regular man he'd be much better off with his true love. The cuff may not stop the Dark One after Gold's death either. And we may need his magic if Zelena is going to do something crazy. Not to mention how stressful for him it is to not have magic.'

'So basically you're telling me I should forget everything and love him.'

'And aren't you going to do just that, bookworm? I think that running here like crazy is quite a good indicator.'

'But you think you just have to tell me to do it and I'll do it!'

'And you so hate when people tell you what to do, princess. How hard it had to be on your parents!'

'You leave my parents out of it, Evil Queen!'

Regina smiled unpleasantly.

'I hate it too, you know? And I love ordering people around. But this time I don't think I have to. You know now what the situation is, which he stupidly hid from you, when you could have helped him.'

'I'm sure he had his reasons.'

'Oh come on, bookworm, you're more mad at him than me for this. Of course, he had a reason, he was afraid to be or even to appear weak, as always. He didn't have the guts to put reason before his fears. And now there are consequences. He lost his magic, then you left him and boom, heart attack. You better take care of him, no matter what, because you'll be the first victim of the Dark One. True love, its greatest enemy.'

Belle took a deep breath.

'And you expect me to... to have guts and put reason before my feelings so there'll be no Dark One.'

'I don't get why do you insist that your feelings are so contrary to this.'

'Perhaps for the same reason you are not back with Robin.'

Regina grimaced.

'Perhaps,' she allowed. 'We're not discussing Robin, bookworm. I'm going to go, I have to brief Emma and others on the situation. It's far past time anyway.'

'No, don't go!'

Belle looked just as surprised with herself as Regina felt.

'What?'

'Don't, please,' repeated Belle, crying. 'Until I can see him. Please?'

Regina sighed.

'Alright. But no holding hands, no pep talks.'

'No, of course.'

'Good,' Regina sat back on the chair and looked at the ceiling, irritated. Sitting wasn't the best thing to do when she was so worried about someone, but she couldn't really tell Belle that, right?

* * *

Regina walked with her to Rumple's room, but didn't enter. She listened carefully to the cardiologist's (Belle didn't want to think of her as Snow Queen) comments, asked some sensible questions that Belle wouldn't think to ask and disappeared in a purple cloud. Belle took a deep breath and entered the single-person room alone.

Technically she knew what 'intensive care' meant. Still, seeing someone (her husband!) for real in it was scary. Rumple was wearing standard issue hospital gown and there were all sorts of wires and tubes on him, that Belle wasn't sure she could explain. She plopped down on another hard, plastic chair and wondered why someone thought that hospital furniture should be so uncomfortable.

Perhaps that way it's easier to clean.

He should be okay this time, the doctor said. He'd gotten to the hospital quickly. The permanent damage to his heart was relatively small. His coronary arteries were unblocked by angioplasty. Few days and he'd be out, back home, with a list of strict rules to follow so it wouldn’t repeat. Hopefully, with magic blocked out, it would be just the same as with any other person.

He should wake up soon, the doctor said. Though for now rest would do him good.

She almost missed it when he woke up, just opening his eyes a bit. She felt so tired that after first fifteen minutes without any change, she started to doze off. But then she shook off last bout of sleepiness and saw he was looking at her.

'Rumple?' she said, gently and caringly, which felt so natural. She reached out to caress his hair and smiled.

He blinked. It took him some time to formulate and articulate question.

'How are you here?... 'S this a dream?'

'No, I'm really here.'

He just smiled, small and happy smile that broke her heart. He seemed to not care about anything else.

'You'll be fine, Rumple. The doctor said you'll make full recovery and be in the hospital for a few days only.'

He looked around as if only now seeing where he was. He frowned.

'You had a heart attack, Rumple. Actually, I should call someone now that you're awake.'

'No!' he reached for her hand suddenly, trying to sit up and failing with a grimace.

'Calm down, Rumple,' Belle held his arm. 'Don't try to get up. Why don't you want me to call the doctor? You know that she should check on you and she'll explain to you your condition.'

'I don't want you to go,' he admitted, not looking at her.

'Oh, Rumple, I wasn't going to leave.' She took his hand in hers, careful to not get tangled in the IV line. 'I was only going to call the doctor.'

'Oh...' he blushed. 'I'm sorry, I just thought...'

'No, don't be.' She took a deep breath. 'Is this my fault, Rumple?... The heart attack?'

He looked at her with open mouth.

'What?... Oh no, no, Belle, you can't think that!'

'Regina said so, very explicitly.'

'Regina! Don't listen to the queen, sweetheart. She's...' he made a distasteful grimace. 'pregnant'.

And Belle couldn't help but giggle quietly, even if that was awfully rude. But Regina would probably said the same if somehow the roles were reversed. He smiled weakly, but only for a moment. He looked at her seriously. He was so pale, she couldn't help but notice. So small beneath the medical equipment.

'It's alright, Belle. It's my fault, I know that.' Tears appeared in the corners of his eyes. 'And I know I just can't be a good husband, I'm so sorry for forcing you to go through all this. This was never going to work, because I can't... I can't... I mean...'

'What, Rumple?' she asked gently, quietly.

'Why would anyone want and love me?' he blurted out.

'What? Rumple, really?...' When he started to turn his head away from her, she reached out and put her hand on his cheek. 'You really feel that no one would? But I loved you, so much. Haven’t you ever believed it?'

He closed his eyes. The heart monitor was beeping more quickly. Belle felt a surge of fear running through her, what if this talk, this stress, would worsen his health? But she had to make him believe! Only then they could heal and that went for his very physical heart as well.

'Belle, you left me,' he said finally, not opening his eyes. 'You see yourself I was right. No one can stay with me out of love. I'd push anybody away. And as I said, it's my fault. Not yours. You did the right thing. And just as you said, I'll recover, so you don't have to worry if... if you do worry.' This sounded hopeful. 'I mean... you can still leave Storybrooke.'

She was exhausted and wanted to hit him and then storm out screaming that he again tries to decide for her what she should do, but that would be outright counterproductive. Belle took a deep breath and decided to actually try the really brave thing.

Talking things through, together.

Oh dear, was there anything harder?

'Rumple. Listen to me. I still love you, even if I'm mad at you for a gazillion things. I... I don't want to leave you. I want my husband back. If he would have me back. Because we both have things to work through. Leaving Storybrooke might have been too rash of a decision. I felt controlled and wanted freedom, but not for this price.'

He opened his eyes, surprised.

'I lied to you, Belle. I used you. The dagger was fake.'

'Yes, I know. You shouldn't have done this. But part of this was probably your curse. It's... weird. From a distance it seems logical, that when you have such darkness in you, then it would influence you. It's just got to be more than power to be used. Perhaps I should have... factored it in. But you know, I saw the man behind the monster. Only the man. And counted all the flaws as belonging to the man.'

Rumple shook his head.

'No, I did it all.'

'Yes, I know. But isn't it a bit like... mental illness?'

'No, mental illness isn't your fault. I took the curse myself.'

'Addiction then?' She sighed. 'Rumple, I don't know. And probably it can't be compared fully to anything. But the curse is real. And it’s the reason your heart is ill.'

Rumple frowned.

'Belle, I don't want you to feel... obligated. I can imagine what Regina told you. You don't have to stay with me to warn off the Dark One. In fact, you should go away as far as possible and stay safe.'

Belle sighed again, even deeper.

'No. I'm not going to give up on you. And yes, I'm fully aware of the danger. Regina explained. In detail.'

'Good, old, dependable Regina,' Rumple snickered and Belle smiled.

'So, is this settled? I'm staying. I'm not giving up on you because I do love you. Which does not mean we don't have lots and lots and lots of work ahead.'

Rumple looked unsure, but he finally nodded, apparently quite shell-shocked.

'Good. Then I'm calling that doctor.'

* * *

She stayed with him till late in the evening, no one daring to protest that visiting hours were long over. He was as much asleep as awake, but she wouldn't leave him anyway.

'Belle, you can go, get some rest,' he protested, many times.

'I want to be here with you,' she was replying patiently, exercising her ability to not be angry.

'But why, Belle?'

'Because I love you.'

'But why?'

It felt like talking to a small child and she wondered if it wasn't exactly that. If it wasn't that little boy that was left by his father talking.

She tightened her grip on his hand, petting his hair.

'I just do. Love isn't about why. But if you want I can list things I love about you. Though I'm not sure when I'd be able to finish if at all.'

'It doesn't make sense.'

Belle wondered if it were painkillers (the doctor mentioned morphine) enabling him to be more open or just sheer shock of what was happening.

'Why doesn't it make sense?'

'I don't have anything to offer to you. I'm worthless. Weak. Coward. And now sick and helpless.'

Belle wanted to protest, but so far any amount of protesting hadn’t given her any acceptable results.

'Why do you think so?' She asked instead and felt as enlightened as... never, probably. And a bit ashamed. Was it really so difficult to work out that asking him about his point of view might be a better approach that taking her interpretation and trying to convince him that hers is better? And wasn't it really that different from telling him what to do, the very thing she despised from other people?

'I... I just know. Because it's true. Just look at me and you'll see.'

So not helpful. But maybe still a start of progress.

'Let's talk about you, not me, Rumple.'

'No, Belle, I'm... I'm not important. You still don't seem to understand. I know we agreed you're staying... But earlier you didn't know. I was a coward and I hid it. My weaknesses. But I put you in danger, hoping I can solve it alone and no one would be the wiser... I... I just needed you. I was so selfish. I'm sorry...'

'Shh, don't cry. Don't,' she crooned. 'Shh. I understand. Or I'm trying to. I forgive you for not telling me. We'll work through it so it should not repeat. '

'Yes, ask anything. I will tell you. No more secrets. Even if... even if it'll make you leave.'

'It won't. Whatever you'll say. I promise.'

'You don't have to promise.'

'Well, I already promised you forever.'

'And look how many times we've broken up.'

She bit her lips at that, suddenly feeling like crying herself.

'Oh no, Belle, I'm sorry, don't cry. Every time was my fault, not yours. Belle...'

He looked so incredibly guilty and as if he thought he should just crawl back under whatever he dared to crawl from.

'Shh, it's okay, I'm not leaving. See? I'm still here. No need to be scared. You can tell me everything you think and feel. I won't leave you for being honest. And I'm trying to learn that leaving immediately might not be the preferred method of dealing with things. For some time I've been considering talking first.'

He chuckled and she made a playfully offended face.

'Why, I think we'll both be better off with this.' She went back to more serious tone. 'I promise, I won't walk out on you again. No ultimatums before we really talked to each other. We lived on assumptions for too long. And besides I think that much of what you believe is pure bullshit taught to you by Malcolm, Milah, Cora and Zelena.'

He looked like he wanted to argue, but he clearly didn't have strength for that. She petted his hair, smiling at him and humming calm melody and slowly his eyes closed and face relaxed in sleep.

* * *

On her way home, she was met by Archie and Pongo.

'I'll walk with you for a moment if you don't mind,' Archie smiled. 'I heard that your husband had a heart attack. How is he?'

How quickly the news travel, wondered Belle. But in Archie's case she didn't mind and was almost sure that Rumple also wouldn't.

'He still thinks he can't be loved,' Belle sighed. 'After so much time... He should understand already.'

'Well, he may have hard time understanding this,' Archie said.

'Why? I love him so much! Why can't he understand it?'

'It’s just difficult, Belle. Difficult to overcome so many years of learning otherwise.'

'What... what if he never understands?' Belle said in quiet, trembling voice. 'If he won't believe me?'

'That you must ask yourself, I guess. Do you want to live with him and love him even if he won't understand?'

'Yes. It's just so damn hard to see someone you love in pain.'

Archie smiled sadly.

'I know.'

 


	11. Chapter 11

He woke up to the sound of the door opening. Daylight was seeping through the blinds, but it was likely a very early hour. Someone came closer to his bed, but it wasn't Belle, it was Gerda.

'Good morning, Mr. Gold,' she said in a neutral, professional tone but he caught undertones of coldness and hatred. 'How are you feeling? Any pain?'

'No,' he said quietly in a guarded tone, wondering which one of them felt more awkward. She was probably doing a better job of hiding it and he hated that. He wondered when Belle would come. If at all. Yesterday talk felt a little fuzzy, but she said she wouldn't leave him again, so there was hope. Though she should leave. Now he didn't have any way to protect her from Zelena. He'd have to talk Regina into protecting Belle. And they had yet to find a way to stop the Dark One.

Meanwhile he allowed Gerda to play her cursed persona. No need to make unnecessary fuss, when there were more important things to do. He sighed. If it only were so simple. The ugly truth was that he needed help with basically everything now and it was better to burden Gerda with it than Belle, even if he was barely able to tolerate anybody touching him. Belle surely didn't deserve to be forced into caring for an old, pathetic invalid and so he'd just endure it with Gerda. There was something slightly satisfying in making Gerda work for him, despite her uppity animosity. And he didn't have any choice anyway.

'You have a fever, Mr. Gold,' she said putting weird automatic thermometer into his ear. 'However it's completely normal after a heart attack and you're getting antipyretics already. Now, you won't be allowed today to get up, though you'll start sitting in the chair tomorrow. Today I'm still helping you with everything.'

The next minutes fully deserved a forgetting potion. Somehow yesterday, when his brain was conveniently muddled, such things were infinitely less embarrassing and easier to perform. Gerda did everything like she was going to punish him, not sparing him any discomfort or embarrassment. He sighed in relief when Gerda attached new electrodes to his chest, adjusted something on his cardiac monitor and mercifully left. He stayed as stoical as he could, not allowing her to see him scared, but now he wanted only to hug Belle and cry.

He slept for some time, restlessly, because he knew that any moment Snow Queen could come and he hoped that Belle too. But when he finally heard sharp clacking of heels, it wasn't his doctor or Belle.

'Zelena,' he whispered horrified and tried to get up. But he was too weak and tangled in medical equipment. Trapped again, helpless, with that witch hovering over him. Zelena didn't waste time, she quickly did something with his cardiac monitor and immediately came close. Only Belle was allowed to get that close. His heart was beating at some irrational speed now and still quickening, the beeping of the monitor only furthering his panic.

'We don't have much time, my dear Rumple,' she crooned in a sickeningly sweet voice and ran a hand through his hair. He couldn't stop the small whimper. 'I'm here to make a deal. I have something you need. Do you know what I'm talking about?'

'Elixir...'

'Very good, my dear Rumple. And I'm willing to trade it,' she whispered directly into his ear, he felt her warm breath on his skin. She proceeded to lay her hand over his heart, spreading her fingers, and he was like paralyzed. 'Though I could simply rip out that little lump of coal that you call your heart and demand everything. But where would be the fun in that? I prefer having you comply out of your free will.' She flashed a toothy smile at him. 'So, you give me your precious Dream Mirror and I will give you the Elixir of the Wounded Heart. I wasn't able to find the mirror during my little break-in to your lovely shop, even though I searched absolutely everywhere. So?' She rubbed his chest for greater effect. 'Maybe we should seal that deal like we used to?' she added, moving her hand from his chest to his stomach.

'How are you even alive?' he managed to say, trembling, before she touched him even lower.

'Stalling, aren't you? Well, you need something more to kill the Wicked Witch of the West than to stab her flesh, even with a kris dagger.'

'The brooch?'

'Smart, little Rumple.' Zelena rubbed his belly and petted his hair with the other hand. He started to feel seriously lightheaded and his heart felt so  _wrong_. The monitor was beeping like crazy. Zelena noticed it too and focused on the screen for a moment. 'Seems like you're going to trigger the alarm any time, good thing that it has disabled elevated heart rate and other warnings. Well, answer me before you'll have arrhythmia and the code team crash our sweet reunion. Deal or do I have to use more tiresome methods?'

'No deal.' She didn't know that Regina, in the moment of inspiration, cast a spell on him to prevent anyone but her ripping his heart out. Zelena hovered over him, so close that he felt her breath on his face.

'Trying to be a hero? Like your poor, stupid, dead son?'

He tried to respond to make her shut up, but he was already losing consciousness. Was he dying? Going back to the Vault? Or would he see Bae? Would Dark One kill Zelena first and finally? Would Belle and others survive? An alarm finally went off, the words 'code blue' said in a mechanical, cold voice and then there was only blackness.

* * *

He looked worse, much more pale and worn. Oxygen mask replaced the cannula. Still, Belle believed the doctor, when she said that arrhythmia and cardiac arrest shouldn't be that much of a setback for now. What was worse was the warning that such arrhythmias were often a result of stress on the scarred and irritated heart muscle. And Rumple had so much stress in life.

She sat as close as possible and caressed his hair until he started to wake. Then, without a warning, he jerked violently, opening his eyes in what looked like blind panic.

'Rumple! Hey! Calm down!'

His eyes were darting to all sides, but after a while his gaze settled on her.

'Shh. It's okay. You had a nightmare? My poor Rumple.'

He sobbed, the sound muffled by the oxygen mask, and reached for her with both hands, pulling her down, embracing her like a scared child would. She held him as close and strong as she could, muttering calming nonsense until he stopped crying. Then she pulled back and looked at him closely.

'Rumple, it's okay...'

He shook his head and pulled off the mask to speak.

'She was here. Zelena. She was here!'

'She's not here, Rumple. You had a nightmare.'

'No! Belle, she was here, she was real! It was before I... whatever happened.'

'You had bad arrhythmia, the ventricular tachycardia that set off the alarm and then ventricular fibrillation right when the doctor came.' Belle concentrated on getting the names right. She would look them up later in a book. 'The doctor said it's one of the possible complications from heart attack. But you'll be okay, though you have to rest and take care of yourself.'

They brought him back. She tried to block the mental image of white coats and blue scrubs hovering over her Rumple, shocking him with defibrillator like in the movies. She probably won't be able to enjoy medical films anymore after today.

'Yes, whatever, but it was because she was here. She... she spoke about Bae...'

'Shh.' Belle embraced him again, when new tears flowed. 'I believe you. I'll ask Regina to set protection spells. But now try to calm down for me, okay? Can you do that for me, Rumple?'

He nodded, trying to breathe more slowly.

'That's good, Rumple,' she smiled. 'That's good. Close your eyes. I'm here. You're safe.'

'Call Regina,' he muttered. 'Ask her to come. Please, this is important.'

Belle sighed, but obediently fished her phone out of the bag. Regina agreed to come in an hour.

'Are you sure about Zelena, Rumple?'

He looked at her desperately.

'I am. She was here. So close, she was...' he stammered, 'touching me. She just came here, I don't know why no one stopped her, she must have teleported here...' He was taking large gulps of air now, shaking again.

'Shh, shh, Rumple, slow down. You're safe now.' She tried to get him to put the oxygen mask back on, but he pushed away her hands.

'No. No, I'm not. And neither are you. I need to get rid of that bloody cuff.'

'Blue won't take it off. And it will just... corrode your heart quicker. We can't have that. We'll figure out what to do with Zelena.'

Rumple looked away, biting his lips, clearly trying not to cry.

'Rumple...'

'No, Belle... She... She has to be killed. She's too dangerous. She...'

'Rumple, don't be scared. We'll manage her.' She wanted to pet his hair but he pulled away angrily.

'And what, give her a second chance? Let's give her a happy ending altogether, surely she deserves it, she did so much good! Let's give her the dagger and the whole town to rule over!'

'Rumple!'

'What?! It's not as if anybody cares!'

'How can you say that? Of course I care!'

'You do? Then why...' His voice broke and he covered his face with his hands, pulling on wires and tubes. Belle gently untangled them and pried his hands away. Then she reached for tissues and dabbed at tears flowing down his cheeks.

'Why what, Rumple?'

'Why she's more important than me?' he whispered brokenly.

'That's not... Oh, Rumple,' Belle scooted closer, putting her arms around him. 'That's not true. You're more important. Of course you are.'

'I'm sorry. I didn't mean... It's okay. I wanted to say... She can't be more important than Bae. She can't...' He was practically begging, looking at her with so much anguish. 'Bae, my boy, he's... I can't let him go away without doing something. She killed him and I couldn't stop her. And then I was forced to leave her be, unharmed. And dangerous.'

Belle couldn't stop tears and she didn't even try.

'Rumple, I didn't want you to feel unimportant like that. I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to be a murderer.'

'I know, sweetheart.'

'I didn't think that being under the curse, you may not be able to react differently. I just assumed that you can do anything, because I wanted us to be happy. Why didn't you explain to me? The curse, your heart, what you felt about Zelena? I had to drag every bit of information out of you and it still was so little.'

'You were happy,' he said simply. 'I wanted you to be happy. What would I be worth if I couldn't make you happy? I've already let Bae down.'

Belle frowned and squeezed his hands tighter.

'Then remember, Rumple, it makes me happy if you come to me with your troubles, open and honest, without shame, and I love to be able to help you or just be with you when it's difficult. That's being together. That's love. You don't have to do everything by yourself. You can count on me. Do you understand?'

He was looking around, avoiding her eyes.

'I... I don't know. It's... so different. And too good to be true.'

'It is true,' she reached out again and held him close. 'It's very, very true. And I'm all for making sure that Zelena can't harm anybody. Perhaps we could toss her out of the town and Emma can deliver her to some maximum security prison? But I don't want us to become murderers. It's for our, your sake, not her. She's not worth it. She's worth only to be forgotten forever, with her sick desires and jealousy unfulfilled, so she can learn that she can't take anything from others by force just because she wants to.'

Rumple smiled weakly.

'Thank you, Belle. I feel a bit better. I'm sorry for accusing you of not caring.'

'Don't apologize, I am really sorry. Just... let's make a deal. You can come to me with everything and I promise to never turn you away.'

'And vice versa, Belle. If there is something I can do for you...' He looked at her with such an open expression of love that it was breathtaking.

'Be with me,' she smiled immediately. 'Get better, talk to me. Don't worry, we'll manage all the problems, we've come so far. Regina will be here soon, we'll be mercilessly forced to think practically and plan some action.'

She was rewarded with a snort and she smiled even wider. There was still hope for them.

* * *

Regina appeared in the middle of their teary kiss and her expression oscillated between approving and disgusted for several moments. She rewarded Belle with a 'told you so' look and proceeded to business not minding Belle bristling.

'What do you need, Gold?'

'Your dear sister paid me a visit. She wants the Dream Mirror from me and we need to know what for.'

Regina frowned.

'I'll set protection spells over your room. They won't let anyone wielding dark magic in. What is it about that mirror?'

'It's companion piece to Snow Queen's mirror. It shows you things that you regret, the happy alternatives that will never be.'

Regina looked at him intently with her brows risen.

'No doubt she could watch the whole alternate lifetime for herself, but what else? Do you think she has some plan to make it real?'

'I think so. She wouldn't be satisfied by watching. But I don't know of any way it's possible.'

'We need more research on both mirrors,' said Belle. 'Regina, will you help us?'

The queen looked a bit surprised, but didn't protest.

'I'll bring my books from the vault. Let's meet at your house after visitor's hours, bookworm. I'll tell Emma what happened, she should intensify her search for Zelena. And I'll talk to the Snow Queen about her mirror.'

* * *

Regina left, but Belle stayed with him. It was still too much to comprehend. She stayed through the whole day, through doctors, nurses, checking out and pathetic hospital meals made for people on diet. How this could be okay with her?

And yet, it made him happy that the blue bug insisted on the cuff. He had Belle for longer. He was able to love Belle with the remnants of his human heart for just a little more time.

'Rumple? You're somewhere far away.'

'I'm sorry, sweetheart.'

She petted his hair.

'Will you tell me what you're thinking?'

Right. They've promised each other to actually talk. He sighed, fiddling with the IV line.

'I’m thinking about how happy I am to have you. I never thought that... that an old coward such as me can be loved by such a woman.'

'I love you, Rumple. I really do. And you are attractive to me, you know that,' she smiled pointedly. 'Being temporarily in hospital doesn't change that a bit. And I wish you'd stop referring to yourself as a coward.'

He smiled sadly.

'I am a coward, Belle, this is a fact. All these years ago, when everybody was fighting, I ran away.

'But you would have died. You said that yourself, what good would that be? You've returned home because of Bae, not because you were scared. It doesn't make you a coward.'

Gold shook his head, still smiling, this time at the memory of baby Bae, so small, so wonderful.

'Don't tell me you don't understand, Belle. You know what Ogre's Wars were like from your own experience. Every fight bought some time for other people, however meaningless it might have seemed for those who were dying. The defeat meant death of everybody anyway, Bae included. But then, our village was far away from the front lines. Bae wasn't in immediate danger from the ogres. He was in danger of growing up without a father.' Gold paused, took a deep breath. 'When I was walking back home, I've seen many families with small children. So close to the battles. But then, each and every time, I turned my eyes away and thought of my son.'

Belle sighed and held him tighter.

'I understand what you’re saying, Rumple. You're right, I've seen the war, though not from the battle lines...’

'And yet,' he cut in, 'you were so much braver than me and really did something to help your people. So much more selfless than your father and Gaston too, they were going to keep you to themselves, even if that meant no help from me.'

Belle loosened her hold on him to sit straighter and he involuntarily flinched, thinking she'd leave. But then Belle hovered over him, looking him straight in the eyes.

'Rumple, listen to me carefully, alright? You might have done all these things, but in result I have you here with me. And that matters. I am sorry for all the people that died then in the war. But I'm still happy you're here. And nothing you might say is going to make me love you any less. Do you understand?'

All he could do was to hide his face in the crook of her shoulder and cry like a small child.

'Belle, I don't think you really understand how my, our, life was back then. I don't blame Milah for leaving me. I blame her for leaving Bae. Because I really turned her life into hell. She was doing a man’s job in the house and yard. She didn't have any friends. She had a husband that was a failure and was responsible for all her troubles.'

'She didn't have to be cruel to you. She could have done many things in a different way.'

Gold shook his head.

'I know more than well that some things are too hard. Really. The only thing I blame her for is leaving Bae. Nothing more. The rest is my fault.'

Gold sighed, then smiled sadly and added before he thought better of it:

'Zelena said that too.'

'Zelena?' Belle asked alarmed. 'What could she know about it?'

'She made me talk' he admitted. 'When she had the dagger. Many times, she liked it. And she commented. Even - how to say it? Even more – accurately - than Milah herself.'

Belle looked shocked. And mad. He registered it with some delay, but nevertheless tried to press himself into the pillow and look smaller.

'I forbid you to believe  _anything_  that woman told you! Do you understand?'

He smiled despite himself, it felt so undeniably good to hear Belle concerned about him, telling him that Zelena wasn't right. But Zelena's comments hurt so much precisely because they were true.

'I am nothing without magic, Belle. What else can I do? Hop around on that pathetic lame leg and be a nuisance.'

'No, no, sweetheart.' Belle run her hand through his hair. 'I understand that Milah taught you that and she wasn't the only one, I know it's hard for you to think otherwise. But that's only what you believe, not what's true. What your curse wants you to believe. Isn't your curse using that for its own profit?'

'But Belle, I'm a poor spinner, who couldn't save his son from war, couldn't really support his family. I am nothing. With magic, though, I am someone to be reckoned with. To be respected. I am competent, I am the best. Do you really blame me for not wanting to be nothing? What else can I do if not magic?'

'But you don't have to do anything!' Belle cried desperately. 'You, we, are not poor. We have incomes that have nothing to do with you having magic!'

'No, Belle, our incomes are convenient side effect of me having magic. Of Regina casting the curse that was meant to lead me to Bae!' His voice broke for a moment. 'The fact that I’m a landlord is just a pretense. Everybody knows that it's magic and that without it I don't have any means, or rights really, to make them pay the rent. This world has its laws but we're not from this world and sooner or later people will realize that. My shop is chocked full of magic and anyway most of the things aren't mine either! And I'm not going to live only on your library salary!'

'Well, you won't have to, I really don't think that people would start a revolution and even if, that Regina would allow that. If you feel it's unfair you can lower the rent, that will make people happy. It's not as if you're doing absolutely nothing but collect the money, you have to make sure that all properties are in good condition and so on. And you're a lawyer. You can work as such more. We'll have enough income without your magic, that is not the point.'

'Perhaps it's not,' Gold sighed, defeated. 'But that doesn't change the fact that I'm useless, permanently so if we ever manage to break my curse.'

'Not useless to me, Rumple.' She shook her head, looking determined.

'Belle, I am so, so sorry, but that...' He felt his cheeks burning with shame. 'That is not enough. Please, please tell me you understand that. Surely I am not everything and enough for you. You have your books, your adventures, your own stories that you want to publish one day. And I... I have nothing. And this is only my fault, of course, but magic is the only thing I am good at... Though I suppose even that is a lie, it's not my magic as it is for Emma or Regina, it's just the curse...'

Gold sighed and turned away his head.

'I'm so sorry, Belle...'

He felt ashamed and apprehensive about pouring it out so openly. From the very beginning of their marriage Belle asked if he was alright so many times he had lost count. But he couldn't really talk to her. She would see what a coward he was, weak, pathetic man, who couldn't deal with his own mess and run to her crying as if he were a wee baby in need of a mother. Milah again came to his mind, he was thinking of her surprisingly often lately, uninvited, intrusive memories of Milah scolding him for so many things he'd done wrong.

Belle interrupted these thoughts simply by kissing him on the forehead.

'I don't have answers for all our troubles right now, Rumple.' She said seriously. 'But I am so, so happy you have told me. And I believe in you, Rumple. I know the need to feel competent and to have something to offer to loved ones. It will work out, I promise. We'll do this together. Okay?' And she patiently waited for him to look at her and nod weakly. Then she held him when he suddenly and unstoppably started to cry.

* * *

Belle left the hospital with a headache and a feeling of being drained. Rumple finally cried himself to sleep in her arms and she hated that she wouldn't be there when he woke up. This was so exhausting for her and for him it must have been so much worse. Perhaps they should postpone all serious talks for when he'll be back home, but Belle still believed that they needed to talk now, that without it Rumple would worry just as much only in silence, without her support. And of course she was afraid that when the worst is over he wouldn't want to talk at all.

She walked home very slowly, deep in thoughts, so she didn't notice the car behind her.

'Hello, bookworm,' Regina stopped and called to Belle. 'Get in, we have lots of work to do.'

Feeling crazy deja vu, Belle sat in the front seat. She spotted a stack of old books on the backseat.

'It seems,' said Regina slowly, not looking at Belle, 'that you two are finally working on your communication skills.'

Belle threw her indignant and dirty look. Regina didn't seem impressed.

'Henry taught me a very nice saying: poor communication kills. That's all about you and your husband.'

'Stop it, Regina. You're really not the one to speak, you tricked us in the Enchanted Forest and...'

'And I wouldn't have been able to do it if you two knew when it is a good time to share some things. It's your weakness and so you should work on it. This time it really is important.'

'You just want to use our True Love to keep yourself safe!'

'I do, yes, but not only myself and it's not going to hurt you, right? Quite contrary in fact. How is he?'

'Better somehow, despite that horrible witch, but exhausted. Doctor Andersen said he'd probably be good to go home in two or three days if nothing else happens.'

'Marvelous. So this night will be devoted to books and looking for possible use of the Dream Mirror. Do you have the mirror at home?'

'I don't know where it is. I saw it in the shop, but he might have hidden it somewhere else, because Zelena didn't find it. We'll ask him tomorrow.'

They went to Belle and Rumple's home and gathered all books in the living room. Belle brought also her notes.

'Do you want tea or coffee, Regina?'

'Peppermint tea if you have it.'

Belle raised her eyebrows, but didn't comment. She noticed though, that beneath the impeccable make-up, Regina seemed to have pale-greenish color. It made her more human, finally. Belle brought a plate of crackers as well.

Regina's energy and Belle's love of research got them through first five hours of mostly pointless work. But then Belle felt betrayed even by her precious books.

'I hope you're not going to cry, bookworm.'

'So what if I am?!' Belle screamed. 'You have no right to tell me what to do!'

Regina smiled unpleasantly.

'It seems no one does. But maybe you can consider following some advice? You know, not everything is about you. And there are many things you can't know how to manage.'

'And you're telling me this so I would listen to you?'

'No, bookworm, I'm telling you this so you can be more practical and less self-centered. You have an important task to do. I had the impression you wanted some serious challenge. Then go ahead, suit yourself.'

Belle wanted to just hit Regina and maybe she would if she could forget that the queen was pregnant.

'Leave, Regina. I don't think we can work anymore...'

'I am not going anywhere. Is this how you two deal with arguments? By leaving? Or maybe throwing each other out? No wonder you had no idea about Gold's heart or his attempt to kill Zelena.'

'Is that all you have to say? Gloating?'

Regina sighed.

'I am not trying to gloat. I am trying to make sure that my children and friends will be safe. And that includes helping you two get over yourselves.'

'You're not helping.'

Regina hesitated.

'Perhaps. But I'm doing all I can. I am scared, bookworm. Don't tell me you are not.'

Belle bit her lips and started to fidget with the book she held.

'I am,' she admitted. 'Rumple can die. And Zelena hurt him so much. And she's out there, free and dangerous. And she killed Bae. Rumple grieves for him so much. Why can't we cope better? Why it seems like no one else misses Bae or is mad at Zelena for killing him? Why did this have to happen? It's so unfair!' she sobbed. 'So wrong!'

It was a testimony to her exhaustion that she didn't even noticed when she started to cry in Regina's arms. The queen might have been a little awkward, but so solid and strong, so unlike Belle. She held her without protest.

'I can't do anything to fix it! I can't help Rumple! I can't... I'm so disappointed with myself!'

'Ain't we all disappointed with ourselves, bookworm? But you just have to do as much as you can.'

'And if it's not enough?'

'Then you live with the loss. There's no easy way. There are things we can't do. No point in losing time and energy over them, when there are things that are possible.'

Belle straightened up, red with embarrassment.

'Well, to be honest, I know it. But thank you anyway, for listening.'

Regina was looking at her thoughtfully.

'Perhaps I have to repeat myself: right now you can make a difference. You can keep your husband alive until we find a way to break or transfer his curse.'

'You... You want to break his curse?'

'Of course, don't you too?' Regina rolled her eyes. 'It's the only sure way out of this mess.'

'But the True Love's Kiss doesn't work here.'

'Indeed and that makes me think that there is more to the curse than it seems. But we found the connection between mirrors and the Red Fairy. And here,' Regina gestured to the book she held, practically crumbling to dust with age, 'is the link between Red Fairy and the first Dark One. Apparently he stole her power with the dagger.'

'What?!' Belle reached for the book, but Regina moved away.

'Careful, bookworm!' she smiled fondly. 'Gold wanted to get that book so many times that I lost count. I guess he knew what he was after, believe me, what's in there isn't legends but well-researched truth. But there's not much more, it only says that the first Dark One was so called sorcerer-king, Claudius.'

'Like Hamlet?'

'Excuse me?'

'I'm sorry, I just wonder if the story of Hamlet also has its roots in our original world. But no matter. We need some more information about Red Fairy then. I'll go to Blue tomorrow morning, before visitor's hours start.'

'Good, and I'll go to the Snow Queen. We'll meet tomorrow at the hospital, to talk with Gold, she also should be there as his doctor and previous owner of the Nightmare Mirror. I would take Henry to the hospital, he's really worried about his grandfather, but I'm sure Gold would agree it's best not to draw Zelena's attention to the kid. Now I'm really leaving, though, we need sleep.'

Belle wasn't sure if Regina meant herself and her or herself and her baby. All three of them perhaps.

* * *

Just as planned, the next day at midday, Gold's hospital room held a small war council, when everybody could exchange information to be able to coordinate their efforts. Charming and Emma with the help of Hook were still on a witch watch as Regina snickered, more out of frustration than any real sarcasm. Belle sat on the edge of Gold's bed, casually resting her hand on his and smiling at him, because he actually was sitting and was not looking as pale as the day before. Regina and the Snow Queen took two available chairs.

'Blue said that they don't speak of the Red Fairy,' said Belle with deep frustration. 'As in never. She is either their biggest disgrace or worst danger, or both. Even the Black Fairy isn't so mysteriously shielded.'

No one was particularly surprised, though Blue was aware of the danger from the Dark One and should have been more cooperative.

'Apparently, she'd prefer to toss Gold over the town line in case of emergency,' said dr. Andersen. 'She called me yesterday demanding as much, coupled with a request for a detailed report of his health. I didn't tell her anything of course, she should understand doctor-patient confidentiality.' she added looking at Gold.

'If need be, I'll toss you out of town myself, but not when the bug tells me,' said Regina. 'Let's concentrate on what we know. Doctor, you have the biggest experience with the Nightmare Mirror. Perhaps my sister wants both. Try to think how they can be used to supply someone with adoration from all universe and enslavement for everybody else.'

The Snow Queen blinked.

'Shattered Sight perhaps? But it's not a true spell, it's only a legend. That spell even made it to this world's fairy tale, though I don't know of any practical guidelines on how to cast it, and believe me, I really did my share of research on this mirror before I started looking for it. According to one old legend it's said to be possible with the Nightmare Mirror. If you want everybody to see the worst in the world and other people, you need to break the mirror and spread the darkness. But performed with the Dream Mirror perhaps it could enforce people to live in the regretted alternative, just as the spellcaster wants.'

'The mirrors aren't completely alike, each has many unique abilities. But Zelena may follow the same logic as doctor here.' Belle pulled out her notebook and flipped through the pages. 'I traced a spell called Shattering, in general it's used to break magical mirrors, for whatever reason.’

'You need a second mirror, preferably magical too, for that and I'm not sure if simply shattering the Dream Mirror would give the desired effect,' Gold interrupted. 'She must know something more and I wonder how she got her knowledge. Perhaps in Oz she had access to rare magical texts.'

'Do we need to secure the Nightmare Mirror before she can take it?'

'I'd say if she needed it, she'd have taken it already,' Regina replied.

'Kay has the mirror,' said the Snow Queen, distressed. 'He'd be her target again.'

'Again?'

Gold sighed and shortly explained to Regina his past encounter with Kay.

'Elixir of the Wounded Heart?' Regina picked up on the information immediately. 'Are you telling us that she has something that could prolong your time and you let it slide?'

'I'm not about to make a deal with her, dearie.'

Regina pressed her mouth into a thin line. Belle looked shocked, staring at him with wide eyes.

'Any other ideas where we could get some of this miracle?'

'In Walsh's shop in New York.'

'I'll talk to Emma then.'

'Please, do that,' Belle said, pleadingly. 'Tell Emma I'll do anything for her if she could go and look for it.'

'Someone should talk to Kay, please,' dr. Andersen said. 'He won't listen to me.'

'I'll tell Emma,' Regina offered. 'He listened to her in the past.'

Gold closed his eyes for a moment, calculating how long it would take for Emma to get back with the elixir. Who knew what Zelena might do in the meantime... Perhaps it could wait until Zelena was dealt with. He would have to do with just science.

'I think we need to end this meeting soon,' dr. Andersen said suddenly, enforcing said science on him. 'Mr. Gold needs to rest.'

'I feel fine,' Gold replied dryly, opening his eyes.

'I'll be the judge of that.'

'She's right, Rumple, you shouldn't overexert yourself,' Belle run her hand through his hair, feeling guilty for all the exhausting talks the day before. 'I'll see Regina out and be back in a moment.'

Then she stood up, as did dr. Andersen to check Gold's vitals. Belle followed Regina to the hall.

* * *

They looked at each other sharply.

'Alright, bookworm. I'll get Emma's help and go have another look at Zelena's house. Then we may consider a New York trip.'

'I'll go too. If she has any important books...'

'No you won't. You're needed here. I know enough about magic, those damned mirrors and my wicked sister to bring back whatever holds the clue.'

'And the elixir.'

'Of course, unless she's carrying it on herself. I fear that she might have taken from her house all important books and scrolls too. That place really looks deserted.'

'Do your best.'

'Sure.'

Regina disappeared. Dr. Andersen stopped Belle in the hall outside Rumple's room.

'How is he?' asked Belle, anxious. 'We've talked a lot yesterday... We needed that, but if it worsened his condition...'

'He's tired, but still on his way to recovery. And distressed, which isn't really surprising, but doesn't help either. Before he gets discharged I'll talk to you about changes in diet and lifestyle. For a few weeks he needs to take it easy.'

'I'll make sure he does.'

'That's good. I wanted to talk to you about something else, Mrs. Gold. About Gerda. She's changed. She treats me like a stranger since Marian died. I don't know why so suddenly... I fear that Kay told her something. I miss my boy. She used to understand that, but now she's growing more and more hostile towards me. Also, there's something else you should know. I talked to Mr. Gold and put another nurse in Gerda's place, now his condition is no secret anyway. Gerda admitted she turned down some of the alarms on his cardiac monitor. It's true that many of these alarms are false, that nurses in general are too often called to nonexistent emergencies, but she never should have done this and she will be punished. Moreover, she did that on her own, without consulting with me and explicitly because it was Mr. Gold. She wouldn't do it with any other patient. And that enabled Zelena to stay longer in his room.'

'She put my husband's life in danger.' Belle said gravely. 'Why are you telling me this just now?'

'She admitted it only this morning. I talked to Mr. Gold before our meeting. I hoped she would help me reach Kay, but now...'

Belle could see the toll it took on her, slumped shoulders and shadows under the doctor's eyes.

'I'm sorry, doctor. I really am.'

And Belle meant it. Snow Queen or not, dr. Andersen saved Rumple's life. She wished her the best. Gerda was cold towards her too, even before Marian's death. But apparently that was the last straw and now Gerda decided to stand with no one but Kay.

'She knows why I took the mirror. Kay knows it too. Well, not in details. But I never kept it a secret that I used it to defend my kingdom from ogres. It just had... side effects. Like any strong medicine.'

'I know. Rumple told me this. You were brave to search and use it.'

Belle smiled. The Snow Queen did what it took to defend her kingdom, just like herself. But maybe she had even more in common with Rumple - the aforementioned side effects of a curse taken out of goodwill. No wonder they seemed to understand each other and were willing to help each other as well.

'What about Kay?' Belle asked. 'Will he suffer from the same... side effects?'

'Only if he uses the mirror's magic. Not from simply having it. It's dark magic after all, though ice powers are strangely incoherent with other abilities. This is somewhat a mystery to me, considering that the Dream Mirror doesn't have anything like that. But using those dark, ice powers makes you closed up. It made me frightened. And one day, in panic, I accidentally froze my sister and her husband. And there's no day that I don't regret that... They were Kay's parents and this is what he can't forgive me. The mirror will cement his hatred.'

'Why didn't you discard the mirror once ogres were defeated?’ Belle had to ask. It was too close to Rumple's situation.

'At first I was afraid ogres will return. Then I wanted to use the power to do more good things. But then people around started to treat me like a threat and those powers were all the strength I had. After everything I did for them, after everything that I had to do to find the mirror in the first place. They wanted to isolate me, ungrateful bastards, and I lost control over what was meant to be self-defense. My sister and her husband got in the way, tried to calm me down, they were on my side. And then I had to run away, a murderer. I took baby Kay, I loved him so much and I couldn't bear to see him left alone among those people. We lived in an ice palace. When he ran away with the mirror, only a small lake was left of it.'

The Snow Queen paused, looking shocked she said so much.

'I'm not judging you, doctor,' said Belle quietly. 'I understand.'

'Thank you, Mrs. Gold. I must say I felt relieved when Kay stole the mirror. I was back to being a healer, I always had such abilities. Perhaps I should have raised Kay being one, but I was afraid of poverty. Mirror gave me a sense of safety, I felt I could take care of Kay better. I might have been mistaken though. Now I want to fix what can be fixed, if there is anything.'

Belle smiled again. Such a similar story...

'Thank you for telling me this, doctor. It means a lot to me.'

 


	12. Chapter 12

Rumple was dozing when she entered, he must have been truly tired. Belle sat quietly and took his hand, minding the IV tube. She was still angry at him, but in the past two days she managed to gather so much so needed knowledge and she started to understand him better. She was determined to talk their way through this. Shouting and leaving didn't seem like most effective ways of making a point or teaching anybody anything anymore.

Suddenly Rumple started to toss and turn, apparently having a nightmare. Getting him through all fright and trauma wouldn't be easy too, it would take a lot of time and effort. But at least now that he wasn't hiding from her, she would be able to help for real and much more effectively. So Belle held him, muttering calming words, when he awoke with a sharp cry, terrified and disoriented.

'Belle...' he was crying loudly by this point, but was awake and not confused anymore, sitting up and squeezing her arms. 'Please! Please don't die!'

'Oh, Rumple, I'll be fine. I promise. I certainly don't plan on dying or leaving you. And regarding Zelena, I won't take unnecessary risk too, any. Okay?'

'No,' he shook his head. 'No risks. And just get me past the town line before the Dark One awakes. So I can at least die without fear of hurting you.'

'Shush, Rumple, that won't be necessary. I can't stand the thought of you dying either. And for now you are on the mend, really. It seems the cuff blocks your magic quite well. All that remains is to take care of your health and wellbeing, and we're going to do just that. If you have to leave Storybrooke, I'm going with you.'

She understood however, that he wouldn't want to leave Bae's grave or Henry, or his familiar place, his home. The world was a scary place for him and moving on required much more time than in her case. She felt ashamed when she recalled her talk with Ruby, hurt as she was, she was also being cruel.

'Oh, Belle... I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you.'

'Nonsense, Rumple. I think the curse affects one's heart because the heart is too good to bear such darkness. You're heart is so good that the curse breaks it. So you deserve my heart fully, imperfect as it may be.'

Rumple considered it for a moment.

'You are perfect, Belle. And you're saying I'm dying from remorse? Well, yes, perhaps I am, but I would do it again. I saved Bae back then. He didn't die in war. Had much more...'

Belle gently wiped tears from his cheeks.

'But if there was another way to save Bae? Would you take it? Without power?'

'Yes. I hope anyway...'

Belle smiled. That was enough.

'But Belle, the life we had then... I would want to make it better for Bae. Less humiliating. That was what the curse was promising to me. And what else could I have done?'

'I don't know, Rumple. I just wish you hadn't had to. Though without your curse we wouldn't meet. So many things wouldn't happen.'

'Still... I'm so sorry, Belle... I...' he trailed off, gathering his courage. 'Either way I couldn't be what you deserve.' He looked away, ashamed, lips trembling again. 'I can be either a monster or a coward, only that. I have no right to tie you down...'

A kiss interrupted him, when Belle flung herself at him, not knowing what to do to erase his fears. She settled for a first-hand demonstration, leaving all explanations for later. He shouldn't think that she was with him only as long as he fulfilled her expectations. Rumple startled, but slowly relaxed and then returned the kiss, timidly at first, then more desperately.

Finally they had to stop and breathe.

'You have every right to be with me. And you are so much more than you think you are. Beneath that curse you are a good and deeply loving man. And loved, don't forget that.'

Rumple looked shell-shocked, however he might try to believe her.

'Belle I'm so sorry...'

'For what, sweetheart?'

He made vague gesture with his hands.

'Everything.'

Belle bit her lips.

'Rumple, I don't and I didn't want you to feel as if you had to be someone else to be with me. There are things I can't agree to, like you murdering someone, but these things are your attempts to deal alone with other things that we could deal with so much better together. And you don't have to be a... a hero or something to do this. I love you already. Do you understand?'

He nodded, looking miserable.

'I start to... But I didn't until now. I almost ruined everything... Belle...'

'Shh, shh,' she cuddled him closer. 'And I almost fled from the town because I was so sure that I know better what's going on. I must admit that all that kidnapping, imprisonment and so on left their mark. I'm so afraid of being controlled and used. And so I tried to flee away, again, without thinking. And it triggered your heart attack and you almost died. I'm so sorry too. Can we... forgive each other? There are other things to do.'

'Belle, of course I forgive you. I won't... use you. I won't lie to you, I swear. I'm so, so sorry, Belle...'

'And I forgive you. And let's do our best to forgive ourselves, okay?'

Rumple took a deep breath. This was the hard part.

'I'll try. I promise.'

'Me too. And, about what you said earlier. You’re not dying yet, do you get it?'

He nodded, but looked afraid. She hugged him tight.

'And please remember you're not alone.'

'But I'm scared, Belle... I'm helpless again. And I don't believe I can do this, do anything, I can't do anything, I don't know what to do. Nothing ever went as it should unless I had my magic. Only magic allowed me to protect people I love and to make sure they won't be in danger again...'

'Oh, Rumple... You know, I may be only a sheltered princess, I don't know how it is to live a life as hard as yours before the curse. But I still think we can do this. You have your brilliant mind. That's your best asset, not your magic.'

'Always believing in brains, my librarian.'

'Yes,' she chuckled. 'And I know what I'm talking about, sweetheart.'

* * *

Two days later Dr Andersen finally cleared Rumple to go home, so Belle entered the hospital walking more lightly than ever.

'Mrs. Gold,' said someone and Belle turned sharply. It was a short, middle-aged woman, dressed in red business attire. Her long, black, curled hair looked like a lion's mane, giving her intimidating look.

'How can I help you?' Belle asked with impatience. The woman smiled knowingly.

'Oh, I think I can help you, Mrs. Gold.'

'And you are?...'

'Oh, forgive me.' The woman smiled like a cat. 'My name is Angela. Your husband knows me, though under my real name. We've met in our old land. Anyway, I have something you might find useful. A book.'

She presented Belle with a small tome bound in red leather.

'Carefully, Mrs. Gold. It's secured with many spells. I removed some, but couldn't deal with all of them.'

'You have magic? Who were you in the old land?'

Angela smiled again, mixing sadness and enormous sense of power in that expression.

'Your husband knows me as Baba Yaga. And no, I don't have magic. Only my knowledge and blood. This book is the diary of Claudius, the first Dark One. I trust that you find all sorts of useful knowledge in here. Good luck, Mrs. Gold.'

And she turned around, leaving Belle in the middle of the hall.

'Wait! Why are you giving this to me? Why now?'

Angela turned her head. 'We are somewhat similar. I think you will make a good use of this book. And of course no one would want to see the darkness unleashed on the town.'

* * *

'She always loved to make an impression,' grumbled Gold, following Belle at a slow pace. He would have rather gone much quicker, but Belle was having none of it. She was all smiling and helping, enjoying his release almost more than he did. She had this knowing, cunning expression on her face that told Gold that she had her mind set on keeping him human and coping. Gods, he didn't know how he was going to manage this, but apparently he wasn't allowed to even contemplate taking the cuff off. And he found that he didn't want that anyway, hoping shyly for normal, domestic life with his wife. But was it even possible with Zelena and his failing heart? Villains don't get happy endings, he just hoped that he'd be able to secure one for others. Some monster he was...

'You're miles away again, Rumple,' Belle said holding heavy hospital door for him and leading him to their car. 'Are you thinking of that Baba Yaga?'

'Oh? No, I just... I was thinking that I'm so happy to have you.' He smiled shyly and she returned the smile, beaming.

She waited with questioning him until they were home, he was settled on the sofa and Regina arrived.

'Now, Rumple, who is this Baba Yaga?'

'A wise woman living in the very dark and obscure part of Enchanted Forest. She had great knowledge of magic, even if she wasn't able to use it herself. She's also older than me. I've been meeting her a few times for information. She drives a hard bargain and is much more capricious than I could ever try.'

'She sounded almost like royalty when she was talking to me. She would fit into a government office in every political TV series. I wish we knew more about her.'

'In the meanwhile I suggest opening that book,' Regina said dryly. 'Perhaps there will be some clue. We need something since we didn't find anything in Zelena's house or anywhere else. Seems that Emma will be doing this trip to New York anyway.'

'Not yet. Emma is needed right here.' Gold took the tome and checked it carefully, almost with reverence. The diary of the first Dark One... 'You have to open that, Regina. I tried, but apparently with that cuff it's impossible.'

Regina reached for the book. She concentrated, her hands glowed, but then she dropped the diary with an undignified yelp. She almost blushed picking it up.

'What did you feel, Regina?'

'Something... squicky.'

Gold raised his eyebrows.

'Well, I'll just try again.'

She was trying for a good hour, with varying results. Gold tried to advise her, feeling his frustration mount. He could do nothing without his magic. He was sure that with it he'd have had the damn book open in two minutes flat...

'Rumple? Rumple, look at me,' Belle took both his hands in hers, massaging lightly. 'Breathe, sweetheart, a nice deep breath for me. We'll open the book, don't worry.'

He sighed and leaned back, closing his eyes.

'Yes, Belle.'

'We may take a break if needed,' Regina said, but he interrupted her quickly.

'You just keep working, dearie.' She shot him an offended look, but obediently resumed her ministrations. But then she stopped, looking embarrassed.

'Well, alright, it's me who needs a break. And by 'me' I mean 'we'. I'm calling Emma, maybe she'll be able to do something useful with this.'

'If you have to,' Gold sighed. He really felt tired, not that he remembered feeling anything other. Belle brought them cups of tea - abominable herbal one for him, but at least Regina got peppermint too - and took his hand stroking lightly.

Luckily, Emma was quick.

'So you have a book you need me to open?' she asked, raising her eyebrows. 'How are you feeling, Gold? Heart attack is a nasty stuff.'

'I'm alright, sheriff,' Gold said drily. 'This book supposedly contains the diary of the first Dark One. Baba Yaga already lifted some wards, but there are more. We'd like you to try.'

'Baba Yaga? No shit. Alright, give it to me.'

Regina handed her the tome. Emma frowned and opened the book without thinking.

'What the hell?' demanded Regina. Gold smiled wryly.

'She wanted only to open the book, not to read it. Quite a nice touch to keep every nasty villain out of it.'

Regina looked offended but then she grabbed the book and started flipping through it.

'It's marvelous,' she said, smiling. 'Assuming it's the genuine thing of course.'

Belle was practically bouncing with curiosity.

'Read on, what are you waiting for?'

'It appears that he described the whole story of creating the Dark One curse. And Red Fairy was involved in it. As well as the mirrors. But isn't it strange that just light magic was enough to open it?'

'Well, Emma is the Savior, the product of True Love. But also I suspect that Baba Yaga did the hardest part. She owned the diary and I suppose that her knowledge of magic is even greater than mine. I only wonder what does she plan to gain from that.'

'She's a villain, right?' asked Emma with a frown. 'No wonder she needed someone with light magic to get it open.'

Gold shook his head.

'She's neither a villain nor hero and she has very little magic. Or so it appears, I've never been able to learn her story. She seems to have something to do with the diary and the Dark One curse now.'

It was unsettling to think about Baba Yaga. Until now he wasn't even aware that she was in Storybrooke. Back in the Enchanted Forest she never meddled with his business so he could ignore her. But now?

'Maybe she's the Red Fairy?' said Belle.

'Gods, I hope not,' groaned Regina. ‘We don't need more troubles.'

* * *

The next few hours were devoted to group reading of the diary. Rumple was pale and drawn when Belle finally managed to get him to rest, but what they learned was huge. Emma took Regina home, the queen clearly battling with morning sickness that was rather all-day sickness, and Belle helped her husband to settle in bed for a nap. She scooted close to him, in her clothes and atop the sheets, petting his hair with one hand in hope of protecting him from nightmares. She began to reread the diary, looking for some more clues, careful not to close the book accidentally.

They've just learned how the curse was made and Belle's head still reeled from that.

'Read to me, sweetheart,' Rumple murmured and Belle smiled.

'Sure. The fairy tale about the Red Fairy. It's crazy, that we finally know what happened.'

''S not a fairy tale.'

'No. And we'll think how to use that. Together. Now listen and try to sleep.'

Rumple sighed happily and cuddled closer to her.

'For hundreds years, the faeries were led by the queen, chosen from the most powerful and heroic of them. After the death of the White Fairy, defeated by monstrous dragon Fafnir, they stood before choice who will be their next leader. Oh, Rumple, look, Fafnir. In this world he is a part of the Norse myths.'

Rumple grunted something intelligible, not opening his eyes.

'Well, anyway. They chose the Red Fairy, feeling the need for a strong queen in time of danger. And the Red Fairy brought the evil dragon to a fall, trapping him between two mirrors and draining him of his dark power. The mirrors she made herself from ice covering the farthest north seas and enforced with tears of every kind of creature living. After slaying the dragon she was considered the most powerful being in the whole world. She was a demanding queen for her faeries, she dreamed big of the world devoid of darkness and evil, and she chose what seemed the most efficient way to create such a world. She started to suck darkness from human hearts and conceal it in the Vault build on the dragon's grave.'

Rumple shuddered suddenly and Belle looked over at him, concerned.

'The remnants of dragon's consciousness are still in the vault. I wasn't sure then what they were but Belle... They were horrible...'

'Shh. The dragon is slain. And you won't ever have to return to the Vault, I swear it.'

'Every Dark One does, Belle,' Rumple whispered, his voice wavering, his eyes tightly closed.

'Not when we break your curse, sweetheart. Okay?'

'Okay...' he murmured into her side.

'Then listen further. The Red Fairy started with the most despicable villains and locked their darkness in the Vault, changing them into empty shells, for simply removing the darkness didn't fill their hearts with love. But it soon turned out to be a never-ending job, for the new people were born with new darkness. The mirrors were unique, she couldn't make more of them in her lifetime and so she had to work alone, as no other fairy was powerful enough to repeat her feat. Then, frustrated with slow and endless work, she noticed that the darkness can be used as power. She could call on the Vault's power and she alone among faeries was strong enough to force it to obey. Magic is rooted in will and emotions after all, all these dark feelings could not be without their use. And she was more and more despotic in her quest to make the world a better place. She intended to make the kingdoms subject all their people to the ritual of removing darkness by the mirrors. But for many this was unacceptable. We might have agreed if she had wanted only villains and prisoners, or left the choice for each individual alone. But not like that. We became suspicious. She was gathering more and more dark power, being already the most powerful entity among us. She became more and more arrogant and proud, taking people's free will. We, the human kings and lords, decided that this abomination must end.'

Belle paused for a moment, sure that Rumple was dead asleep. But then he tugged at her skirt, prompting her to read.

'We have met with the Red Fairy for negotiation and I had the honor to preside over this event. At this point she was using the Vault's powers without any restraint - to catch people and suck the darkness out of them. She was proud and arrogant just as I expected her to be, never meeting her in person to that day, but she was also so awesome, so charming without intent in her might and power, so queenly... I tried to deny it from the very first moment, but somewhere deep I realized that I fell in love with her. And wouldn't this be an amazing union? The powerful queen of the faeries and the king-sorcerer of the greatest kingdom that this land had ever seen. I was stalling, trying to bring her to our side, so to speak, reason with her, for I still believed she had no right to take away the darkness against people's will. She listened but didn't hear me. We became lovers, but nothing else could have come from it but disaster. She couldn't be with a mortal man as a fairy, she was breaking her laws. And she had a heart hard as stone, unrelenting, and more and more dangerous with each passing day. When she mentioned to me that she was going to rule the kingdoms, that they clearly could not be allowed to be on their own, that they were already so unruly, so content in their evilness, I knew it was time to act. From the very beginning I was asking the Red Fairy to show me more and more about her magic, about mirrors, I studied them on my own as well, and so I was able to prepare a plan...'

Belle sighed.

'It's sad, Rumple, really. And I so don't like the idea that darkness can be removed like that. It must really take away a part of personality, something that not necessarily is wrong, just misguided, hurt perhaps. Isn't evil learned?'

'Not always,' murmured Rumple. 'There are people who can't really follow moral rules...'

'Perhaps, but that's more like... biological defect? According to this world’s science anyway. And everybody else is learning evil from others.'

'That's why she couldn't ever succeed in her quest. She didn't understand the big picture. Or maybe didn't want to understand, it's more complicated, so much more difficult to do something about. I think she didn't cope well with being unable to fix things.'

Belle smiled sadly, because Rumple obviously was speaking from his own experience as well. She continued reading.

'I prepared the dagger to capture the darkness. I hoped to free the Red Fairy from her evil power and when she had a clear mind, talk to her again. I worked with Reul Ghorm, the Blue Fairy, her closest advisor. Oh, why doesn't it surprise me Rumple! Blue knew it all and didn't share a thing! I have met with the Red Fairy as usual and attacked her with the dagger. I caught her by surprise and succeeded. Well, almost. I managed to bind the darkness to the dagger, but I could not really control it. I was too weak for that. I had to absorb it myself, became what later would be known as the Dark One, and from that point I enjoyed the power too much to try to banish it to the Vault completely. The Red Fairy was defeated, almost killed when the dark powers took me as a vessel. It was clear from the beginning that the darkness had already corroded and devoured her fairy powers. She was still an immortal fairy queen but powerless, managing only the most basic spells and most of them only with the help of some magical talismans. She hid in the deepest forest and the Blue Fairy took over, though from that point the faeries didn't have a queen. I'm still ruling my kingdom but I can feel what a bitter, evil man I’ve become, full of resentment and regrets. I tried to use the power for good but almost always failed. I framed the Red Fairy's mirrors though, and I'm guarding them from faeries and anyone else. I could examine the mirrors in detail, the frames made in a similar way as the dagger allowed me to bind their power to more tasks than simply sucking the darkness out. I'm thereby watching one of the mirrors every day, looking at my happy life with the Red Fairy.'

'Seems like Baba Yaga really might be the Red Fairy,' Rumple murmured, finally falling asleep.

* * *

Belle was at the shop and pharmacy at the moment, promising to return as quickly as possible. She was hovering over him like a proverbial mother hen and he had no doubts that she soon would suggest another try at the therapy with the cricket. He was even willing to try. But not before the Wicked Witch vanished from Storybrooke, even if he had no idea how that could happen.

The doorbell rang and Gold felt his blood freezing. His first thought was Zelena. Only after a moment he realized that she would just teleport inside to demonstrate how she could violate his privacy and safety as she pleased. And that it was a small miracle that she didn't already. He was completely vulnerable after all.

He made himself go and look.

It was Baba Yaga, which felt only marginally better, but he unlocked the door anyway and looked at her expectantly.

She smiled. It was a nasty, crooked smile full of self-confidence but there was no malice in it.

'Hello, Mr. Gold. I think we need to talk about some strategy.'

He frowned.

'We can talk. But only once my wife returns.'

She frowned too.

'Perhaps. Did you open the dairy?'

'Yes.'

'So you know the origin of your curse?'

'Yes.'

'Good. Perhaps we can wait for your wife inside?'

Gold sighed but let her in. They sat down in the living room.

'How is your heart, Mr. Gold?'

'Better.'

'Oh? But I'm asking about something slightly different. How dead is it because of the darkness?'

'I don't think this is any of your business, dearie.'

'It is, very much so. But I see that you don't trust me.'

'I have no reason to.'

'Ah, that's true.' Baba Yaga smiled, reaching into her purse and the next thing Gold knew was the unbearable feeling of falling and spinning, then darkness.

He awoke to frantic shouts of Belle. Blinking, he tried to focus on her face and remember what happened.

'Oh, you’re awake!' Belle sobbed. 'Don't move, I'll call the doctor. Does your heart hurt?'

'No, no, don't, I'm fine, really. This was magic. Fairy dust.'

'Who on earth could?...'

Gold frowned then shook his head to clear that awful, dizzy feeling.

'Baba Yaga. And...' he tugged at his sleeve. 'She took off my cuff. Somehow.'

They looked at his bare wrist for a moment, then Gold tried to stand up, struck with the new thought.

'I can fight Zelena now!'

But before Belle managed to reply, he cried out in pain, clutching his heart.

'Rumple, don't. This is what your curse wants. This would enforce it. Rumple, this will kill you too.'

'But you will be safe,' he whispered pleadingly.

'Safe? The Dark One will kill me first. And I couldn't live happily without you anyway...'

'Belle...' Tears sprang to his eyes, but the pain in his chest receded. When Belle put her hand on his chest it disappeared completely. 'You truly are a wonder.'

'I'll call Regina and let her know what happened. We need to figure out what to do now. But I think there is a way to... to free you from the curse.'

'What?... How could that...?'

'Shh. I wanted to discuss it with you in the evening, after reading some more, but we can read together. It's based on what I've read in the diary. The Red Fairy gathered the darkness with mirrors. I think the mirrors can be used again to pull out the curse from you.'

'Could they? How? You can't use them anyway without magic...'

'Not me. Emma and Regina.'

'And then what? What will happen with that darkness?'

'I think it could be trapped in the mirrors now. They have frames, Claudius added them. Frames are for controlling mirrors, they’re from the same material as the kris dagger.'

'But if not? If the darkness gets loose?'

'It will anyway if you die,' admitted Belle with tears rolling down her cheeks. 'It's worth considering, Rumple.'

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter! Big Thank You to everyone who read, gave kudos and commented. Comments and kudos will also undoubtedly continue to make me very happy! ;) I hope you enjoyed reading this! I surely enjoyed writing!

As they discovered moments later, the diary disappeared, but a small stack of torn out pages remained. Belle huffed angrily.

'She destroyed the book!'

'Oh, Belle,' Gold couldn't help but smile and gather her into his arms. 'That's really not the point. The point is that these pages are about sucking out the darkness with mirrors and how frames help to control it, at least as much as Claudius could understand that.'

Belle's cheeks reddened a bit.

'Yes, right. Well, Rumple, let's read and plan. I'm calling Regina and Emma now. With the cuff gone it's better to hurry up...'

She looked concerned, frightened even, and he held her closer.

'Yes, Belle. We'll do this,' he assured her, hoping to assure himself as well.

The first basic obstacle was of course the lack of the Nightmare Mirror. Kay refused point blank to give it to anyone. It took very long negotiations, incentives and threats from Emma, but he allowed instead to use it in his flat. So they came there: Gold, Belle, Snow Queen, Regina and Emma. Charming even came for a moment, then left to search for Zelena together with Hook. Robin, who came with him, decided to stay.

'You don't have to be here,' Regina said coldly, eyeing the thief suspiciously.

'I do. Our child is here.'

'I can take care of my child and myself.'

'I don't doubt, but I'm staying. You plan to suck the darkness out of the Dark One. This is much more dangerous than anything else I can think of.'

'You have very weak imagination then.'

'Still, I'm staying.'

Emma rolled her eyes.

'Shut it, both of you. He wants to stay, fine. We have more important things to do.' She gestured to Kay and Gerda, who certainly didn't look friendly, but everyone else in their place probably wouldn't either. Gold sighed. He felt his hands trembling. There was, after all, a very great chance that he wouldn't live through this, no matter what happened with the Dark One. He didn't voice this thought aloud, there was no point in scaring Belle, but all he wanted to do was to bolt out of this room, crippled leg or not.

Then again, he was doing this so Belle and Henry would be safe. They and other people too, he guessed. Regina, her child, Emma... Even if Bae wasn't here anymore. If Gold died, it would be only fair. He was living on borrowed time anyway, borrowed unfairly from his son.

Kay's sharp voice interrupted his dark thoughts.

'Here's the mirror. But it can't leave this room.'

'It won't, don't worry,' Belle soothed him. 'We brought the Dream Mirror with us.' Regina and Emma stood at the opposite sides of the room, facing each other. Each one of them held one mirror – Regina the Dream one and Emma the Nightmare one.

'I hope Hook and Charming are nearby as promised, because it's a perfect moment for my wicked sister to crash the party, you know. Like any moment now, bookworm,' said Regina sotto voce to Belle standing beside her. Gold saw that Belle surreptitiously pointed the Dream Mirror at Gerda, checking the reflection. Before he knew what's going on, his heart already picked up the quick, panicked rhythm.

'Why, I don't think she needs to crash anything, right, Gerda?' said Belle suddenly.

'What?'

'Don't pretend. The Dream Mirror shows your true face.'

Now everybody but Kay looked at the mirror incredulously. Gerda pouted, but pulled a green crystal pendant from beneath her collar.

'Six-leaved clovers from Oz,' she smiled wickedly and transformed into Zelena in a flash of bright green light.

Gold gasped in panic. Belle was with him in an instant and caught him as he stumbled backward, in pure panic.

'How... How long?...' he rasped pointing his finger at the witch.

Zelena smiled with sick satisfaction.

'Just perfectly on time to nurse you through your sickness,' she purred. Belle tightened her hold on him and he was dimly aware of profanities that his sweet wife hurled towards the witch. The Snow Queen was talking to him but the buzzing in his ears was making him distracted and there were black spot dancing before his eyes and Zelena was Gerda, Zelena was the nurse, with him in the hospital, at his most vulnerable, and the horrible level of intimacy of that hospital care...

He felt his heart explode with pain and his knees buckle, but then he was sitting in the armchair, with Belle holding him close and murmuring sweet nonsense. Snow Queen was checking his pulse, holding his wrist and instructing him to breathe regularly. The pain lessened a bit.

There was something else nagging him though.

'Belle...' he said weakly. 'You knew?'

'I suspected,' Belle admitted, blushing. 'I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It was just a hunch or even much less. I put the Dream Mirror in such position to check. But Regina knew about my suspicions.'

'But Belle, the danger!'

'I didn't want to accuse Gerda without proof.' She looked at him concerned. 'I'm sorry I frightened you. I honestly didn't want to scare you unnecessarily, she was your nurse... Though maybe this was a mistake... Maybe I just wanted to do something on my own. I'm sorry, Rumple... How do you feel?'

'Better,' he said succinctly. Perhaps he deserved that, withholding information from Belle so many times and she truly wanted the best for him.

'Kay!' shouted the Snow Queen, reaching with her arm towards the boy. 'Come here! Come away from that witch!'

But Kay only shrugged.

Gold knew that she killed Kay's parents, that that was why he couldn't forgive her, even if it was an accident. He lowered his eyes to the floor, thinking how he had killed Bae's mother and he hadn't even told him that. Such a coward. Bae had known from Hook. And they had never spoken of it.

'Why would I?' Kay asked in a voice devoid of any emotions.

'Oh, yes, why would he?' Zelena mocked them. 'When I've met him, all those years ago, he could babble only about his terrible, isolated life in your ice castle, Lovis. About how he wanted to be an artist, violinist, all curiosity and awe. He wanted enchanted violins, that sounds like a dream. Did you know that he was going on those little illegal explorations, meeting people? Finally, one day he met an old woman that told him the truth. How the Snow Queen killed his parents and kidnapped him. He didn't want to believe that, but...' Zelena hung her voice dramatically. 'Do you want to know?' She singed. 'This is haunting, isn't it? And that old woman told him that if he wanted proof, if he didn't believe her, he should ask the mirror. She told him how to feed the mirror with his blood and get the answer to the yes-or-no question. Also told him that Rumplestiltskin had the violins and where he lived. And one day, I imagine, after long sulking and the Snow Queen's futile attempts to get to know what was wrong, he checked. And he learned that this is true. So without really thinking he grabbed the mirror and ran away. He felt he could lash out on the Snow Queen all he wanted, she betrayed him and hurt him enough to deserve it. Isn't this a wonderful fairy tale? The Ice Castle slowly melted and the Snow Queen lost her magic, so she didn't manage to stop her beloved child. The child didn't care for his kingdom, the throne was sort of occupied at the moment anyway. He set out for the Dark Castle to steal the violins. The old woman gave him something magical that helped him to get in.'

'The key?' Gold demanded. 'He had that key from you?'

'Yes, my sweet Rumple. Are you proud of your old student? Such an intricate plan, right? And Kay went to Oz at your request not knowing it was me. And I was waiting, I greeted him warmly, explained how Rumplestiltskin is an evil,  _wicked_  imp and how he wronged her, many other people, and surely would do it to Kay as well. How he would want the mirror because of its powers. So when Kay would get back with the elixir, Rumplestiltskin would give him the violins, and then trap him in the mirror. The only way to win this would be for Kay to leave his heart in Oz as this would allow me to pull him from the mirror. And he did.'

She lifted her right palm and a red, pulsating heart appeared.

'So be careful. Any attack on me and this heart is as good as a pile of ash. I have an impression you care for the boy, so...'

Robin made a move towards her and promptly was knocked unconscious eliciting a distressed cry from Regina. Everybody in the room, except Kay himself, was looking at her with intense anger and various shades of murderous intentions. Too bad they didn't back then, when she was locked... The Snow Queen started to shout something at that, but Gold stopped her. He suspected it for a long time, though it didn't really make that much of a difference. Not practically. But the possibility always was making him a bit more lenient in judging Kay for trying to trap him. He should have thought first thing after Kay appeared that it might have been like that. But he couldn't even start to imagine that Zelena might not be dead then, too scared and too wrapped up in guilt over deceiving Belle.

'I must admit, my dear Rumple, that you at least you were quick off the mark' Zelena continued with a childish pout. I planned for you to be trapped in the mirror. Kay would fetch me both mirrors and the dagger then. But I had to wait a few years longer to have you all to myself.' She smiled. 'But we had such a good time anyway, right, Rumple?'

Gold didn't deign to respond, just closed his eyes and concentrated on Belle's hands holding his.

'And you know, Rumple, inside this mirror is hell. It's the worst prison ever, everything there is just... wicked. Or so little Kay here told me. Did you try to get him out or didn't you even care? Maybe just once in a few months, you had more important things to do, right? I wonder why Lovis is helping you like that, when you did such a terrible thing to her boy? You would kill the person who hurt Bae like that. We all know you would, you tried. But you didn't, such a failure you are...'

Belle shouted at her to shut up, but Zelena only smiled in delight.

'I didn't tell you yet how I killed Gerda and Marian. What a pity Robin's knocked out, he would love this story!' She giggled maniacally, but everyone was listening intently anyway. 'I killed Marian even before she made it to Storybrooke, you know? When I went on the time trip with Emma and the pirate, thanks to dear Rumple here who freed me from jail! Poor maid, killed by one sister in one timeline and by another in the second one! Then I became her and when I saw the mirror in the vault, well, a little magic and it obediently went with us, where I could control it. The other one unfortunately wasn't in sight, but made it to Storybrooke through the curse.'

Regina seemed to be boiling with anger, though Gold wasn't sure what part of Robin's wife’s fate was most aggravating. But the red nails clutched the mirror's frame as if ready to break it.

'And you, my sweet Rumple,' Zelena said looking at him. He tried not to tremble visibly. 'No one would ever suspect that there was something off about you killing Marian.' She giggled. 'Even Blue didn't understand why her fairy magic didn't work! And then in the hospital, when Gerda came...' Zelena looked at the Snow Queen this time, 'I killed her too and switched places with her. Again no one was the wiser. How convenient that the second curse made me a midwife.'

'Is that all you have to say, sister?' Regina asked sourly. 'Because maybe we could get to business? You're terribly boring.'

'Sure,' Zelena smiled. 'Sister dear. Single mother again, aren't you?'

A blast from Zelena caught everybody, freezing them effectively. Only Gold, as the Dark One, was able break the spell instantly. Looking at Zelena briefly, he raised his hand...

She flashed him her sweetest, wicked smile.

'My dear Rumple, so someone took your cuff off? How did you bribe old Blue? Do you want to murder me now? Do you want revenge? Is that why you are looking at me like that? You can kill me now, dearie, you know!'

Sharp pain forced him to double over. He really wanted to kill her. He should have done so the first time, made sure...

'Don't listen to her!' Belle shouted. Zelena's spell started to wear off, not able to hold so many people and wasting most of its strength on Regina and Emma. 'Think of me! Think of our life together, our marriage, our love! I love you Rumple. I love you so much!'

'I... love... you... too...' he managed weakly through the pain. 'Belle, when the spell ends, run, or tell Regina to take me to town line or open the mirror... I'm... becoming the Dark One...'

Belle moved with difficulty, but still kissed him, hard, the True Love's Kiss, and while it didn't break the curse, it certainly relieved much of the pain. He was able to breathe again.

'Zelena,' said Belle suddenly, 'you wanted to bring here the world as you see it in the Dream Mirror, right?'

Zelena smiled.

'Smart girl you are, bookworm. And I will do just that. The spell of Shattered Sight. You'll see, dear Rumple, what a wonderful student of yours I was, not like Regina!'

Gold felt another surge of anger, then pain, but Belle was squeezing his hands and he knew she was telling him to hold back. Did she have a plan? He owed it to her to trust her finally to do something on her own...

If he didn’t have another heart attack from sheer fright that is.

'You wanted to have both mirrors for that, you caused the Nightmare one to fall through the portal from Rumple’s vault.'

'I did!' Zelena giggled, puffing up proudly. 'And now I have both mirrors here, ready to use!'

'I think not!' Belle replied, triumphantly. 'You may try but all you'd get is being trapped in one of them. If you're lucky it will be the Dream one. The only way to avoid it is leaving your heart behind so someone can pull you out. Just like you did with Kay.'

'You are loony, bookworm, if you think you can trick me into leaving my heart for you to take. With both mirrors I can shatter the one I choose. It depends which one I turn against the other. And then you all will know your place!'

She was getting closer to them as she concentrated on ridiculing Belle, already standing between the mirrors, having reflections in both, admiring herself. Then she stepped a bit closer towards Gold and Belle. Gold felt dizzy and he was sure his heart stopped altogether, but Belle was practically crushing his hands, staring at Zelena with such an intent look...

The witch was still holding Regina and Emma with her spell. With one swift flick of her hand she made Emma turn the Nightmare Mirror to shatter the Dream one. The rays of light shot from one mirror into the other and both were shaking in Regina and Emma's grip.

And then Belle bolted from her place at his side, pushing Zelena into her previous spot.

More rays of white, cold light sprung from both mirrors, catching Zelena. She shrieked, flailed her hands, but apparently was unable to do anything. Then, without warning, something like liquid, sparkling tar flew from her in two streams into each mirror a half. Then it was over and she slumped to the floor unconscious.

'What happened?' Gold managed, when Belle turned to him, smiling.

'I figured she would want to use the shattering spell you taught her. But the diary said explicitly that the mirrors worked like that to pull the darkness out of people. They never would shatter one another when someone was standing between them. And she was. Now there is no darkness left in her.' She hesitated. 'Though it was a lot of darkness. I don't know if she’ll wake up... And if she does, she will either be empty or engulfed in remorse, I don't know which would be better...'

'Oh, Belle...' he said, crushing her in an embrace, his brave, amazing wife with such a big heart.

The Snow Queen, crying openly, picked Kay's heart from where it fell to the floor and returned it to the boy, not hesitating for a moment, even if doing it for the first time with a magical heart. Emma and Regina were free, the latter bending over groaning Robin. Emma called Charming and Hook, and they took Zelena away, to the hospital basement. Robin, holding his head and looking unsteady, went with them at Regina's insistence. The Snow Queen also took Kay to the hospital, the boy looking so much different with his heart back, lost and frightened, not at all hostile and gazing at his aunt with outright hope. And the mirrors worked, were able to suck in the darkness. There was hope for him.

It looked like a happy ending.

But it wasn't. Not yet, not for him.

* * *

'The frames cracked...' Belle said with a tremble in her voice. 'Around both mirrors.'

Silence that followed was painful.

'What now?' Emma asked, when they were alone, as planned for the operation of removing the darkness.

'I don't know,' Regina admitted. 'I couldn't control the mirror at all anyway. It just went alive and sucked Zelena dry.'

'Same with mine. But you said that this Claudius guy put the frames to control them.'

'He did, though Red Fairy never needed frames to suck the darkness out of people. But we don't have any more information...' Belle sighed.

'Then let's try it as was planned...' Regina said, but Belle interrupted.

'This... this risk wasn't planned! We don't know how to not free the darkness! What if it kills Rumple?!'

'But the mirrors absorbed Zelena's darkness. They worked just fine.'

'They weren't designed to contain the whole darkness' Belle said miserably. 'Only to carry the darkness from the previous owner to the vault. I think the frames broke because of the amount of the darkness in Zelena and the crude, sudden manner in which they were activated. Or maybe if I had pushed Zelena earlier, they might have cracked at the beginning!... They probably will break completely with addition of what is in Rumple. And the darkness may return to him instead of going to the vault. Or find and inhabit Zelena. Or just kill us all.'

'Bookworm, pull yourself together,' Regina gritted her teeth. 'Gold, what do you say? You're the magic expert and it's your damned heart!'

But Gold couldn't even fully follow the conversation.

'At least we had a little time together in the end...' he rasped through tears, when piercing pain caused him to fall to the floor. Belle caught him and held closely. 'At least... we forgave each other...'

'No, no, no, no, please, Rumple, don't talk like this. We'll extract the curse in a moment... Gods, when did dr. Andersen say she should be back?!'

'No time...' he whispered pulling the dagger from his pocket. Only the last letter remained, very faint and ethereal. 'I love you, Belle...'

'I love you too, but...'

'Indeed, you idiot,' Regina hovered over him. 'There is something we can do. Quickly, Belle, listen to me. There is something we can do.'

'No,' Gold cut in, quietly, too quietly. 'I've told you I don't want to...'

'You shut up,' Regina snapped. 'Belle, I need you to trust me. I'll take your heart, snap it in two, and give him one half instead of his destroyed one.'

'This will work?' Belle asked with wide eyes.

'Of course. Worked perfectly when I did it to... for the Charmings.'

'Belle, no, that's your heart, I'll taint it, I can't have it...'

'Regina is right, Rumple,' Belle said laying one hand on Gold's head. 'You just shut up and let us work. We're going to save you no matter what.' She was crying, obviously distressed at the prospect of her husband having his heart torn out and destroyed before her eyes.

'Sweetheart, you don't have to...'

'Yes, you don't have to,' Regina cut in. 'I'll do it all.' She buried her hand in Gold's chest with no warning and yanked free the blackened heart. The red spark was practically invisible.

Regina experimentally tried to crush it, but it proved to be too hard.

'Should we even be trying to destroy it?' Emma asked. 'Won't this set the darkness free?'

'I think only the dagger can break it, but it would just transfer the curse to a new host. I mean... the whole curse is probably in this heart.' Belle took a deep breath, a few tears escaped on her cheeks. 'We could have done this so much earlier!'

'But is that really true?' Regina frowned. 'Gold, you told me that if I give you the bookworm's heart, the curse will slowly corrupt it as it did with yours. Seriously, removing the curse can't be as simple as removing the heart and replacing it with another!'

Gold shook his head.

'Dearie, I have no idea. But this still is a possibility as long as the darkness is here. It would love a new, pure heart to devour. And what do you mean by  _simple_ , the new heart has to be the one of the Dark One's True Love. Have you ever heard about such besides Belle?'

'Damn!' Regina exclaimed. 'Gold, maybe you should crush it. I don't know what would happen if I gave you the bookworm's heart first.'

He tried, with trembling fingers, but it didn't work either.

Regina sighed.

'Alright then, let's leave that heart alone. Give me yours, bookworm, it's more important to give him that healthy half. We'll worry about the original one later.'

Belle nodded, still crying.

Regina quickly pulled her heart out and cracked it in half, returning one half to Belle and shoving the other one into Gold's chest.

'Rumple? How are you feeling?'

He couldn't answer for a moment, trying to get over the way the world was spinning and his chest felt so light and warm. Eventually, gulping large breaths, he tried to talk.

'I... Warm. It's... I can't really describe it.'

'You'll live then. Probably,' Regina said curtly and looked at the black heart she was still holding. It didn't look any different. 'But we have to do something with this.'

'Let's toss the heart over the town line?' Emma suggested half-heartedly.

'I doubt it would solve the problem... Look!' Belle squeaked pointing at the heart. 'It's breaking.'

Gold had to touch his chest and feel the beating of Belle's heart to remind himself that the black, pathetic thing on the floor wouldn't be his death. Probably. And if the darkness didn't kill them all that is. Something like dark smoke was seeping through the crack in the heart. No doubt it would seek a way back to him, to Belle's pure heart in his chest. Regina and Emma quickly casted a spell to contain it, but it wouldn't last long.

Then one of the shadows shifted and a new person appeared in the room.

* * *

'I see you have a problem,' Baba Yaga said, pocketing the talisman which made her invisible. She was smirking. 'But you did much better than I thought, otherwise I would have appeared earlier. You're still alive, Gold. That's good. I didn't plan for that but I'm glad someone took care of it.'

'What do you mean you planned?!' Belle shouted.

'I planned because it seems that there finally is a chance to undo the Dark One's curse permanently. Think of it as fixing old mistakes.'

'So you really are her,' Belle stated. 'The Red Fairy.'

'The one and only,' Baba Yaga flashed her customary predatory smile. 'I created it all and in the end I was unable to destroy it. I couldn't get my hands on the mirrors or the dagger not to mention herding a Dark One between the mirrors. Now I finally have an opportunity. You need to give me that heart.'

There was utter silence and the former Red Fairy sighed.

'The darkness must be dissipated all over the world again, diluted so much that no one would feel the difference. It was naïve to think it could be locked away in the first place.'

'Why did you attack Rumple and take off the cuff?' Belle demanded.

'To speed up the matters a bit.' The Red Fairy shrugged. 'He was dying anyway, cuff or not.'

'You could have explained...'

'And you'd agree? Somehow I doubt, Mrs. Gold. I needed Zelena out of the way, thought Rumplestiltskin could take care of that with his magic. But I must say I'm impressed how you dealt with that stupid witch.'

'You just assumed that Rumple is as good as dead!' Belle screamed at the fairy, not reacting to the compliment.

'I did. I learned long ago to make hard decisions.' The Red Fairy looked at Belle seriously. 'I am glad he's alive. That's much more than I can say for Claudius.'

'You loved him, right? So why can't you understand...'

'Yes, I loved him! Do you know how he died? Do you know who explained to his successor how the dagger works?!'

Belle felt the blood drain from her face.

'You?... But that's...'

'He was a monster by then. Something he never wanted to be. Killing him was a mercy even if he was sent to the Vault. By the way, what I'm going to do will free all the souls from there.'

'Or it could have been revenge for when he deceived and attacked you when you wanted to make the world a better place.'

Flash of pain flickered on Baba Yaga's face.

'You wondered if he didn't just want the power, all freedom-of-will sweet talks aside,' Regina supplied. 'You really loved him. That's why now you're doing what he would want. Though maybe not  _how_  he would want it. You wanted to do this from the very moment he became the Dark One, right?'

'But you were powerless already, you were just Baba Yaga. So when you heard that he became too out of control, you advised some desperate soul to go for it and either kill or control Claudius?' Emma asked.

The Red Fairy simply nodded.

'Kill preferably, because I feared what would happen if he was the Dark One for too long and the darkness consumed him and would perhaps act on its own. Just like now. Blue hoped the darkness will be transported to the Vault when Rumplestiltskin dies, just like after that stunt with killing Peter Pan. But permanent solution requires something more.'

'Alright.' Regina took the Nightmare Mirror. 'Let's do this.'

'Yeah.' Emma picked the Dream one, eyeing the smoking heart suspiciously. 'Before it explodes or something.'

The Red Fairy quickly picked the black heart and stood between the mirrors.

'Wait, you're actually going to hold it all the time?' Emma frowned.

'I am. It's only the heart, the darkness may escape. I need to direct it to help it dissipate.'

'Isn't this... you know, dangerous?'

'Of course it is. I think it will kill me. Now, begin.'

Gold, hearing that, wanted to protest. He was supposed to die in the process, it was his heart and his curse! But then Belle hugged him closer and laid her hand over his mouth.

Rays of light again shot out of the mirrors. Given the amount of darkness, the scene looked like something from a first-class horror, with Baba Yaga visibly struggling, but finally the thick tar dissipated and instead of the heart, a little amount of white ashes remained in the Red Fairy's hands. She was still alive.

'It's done,' she announced in a weak voice. 'And it seems that I am in your debt, Rumplestiltskin. If not for the last bright spots in your heart, I would be dead now.'

Gold smirked, especially when he saw how smugly Belle was looking at the former fairy.

'All's well, that ends well,' Baba Yaga said. 'The job is finally done. And now you have to learn to live without your cursed magic, Rumplestiltskin. It will be hard. I know from experience.'

Gold shook his head. He was still sitting on the floor, enclosed in Belle's arms. Finally free. He vowed silently to do everything to not waste this. If he had to live, then Bae would want him to live as a good man.

'It's alright,' he said quietly. 'And it's Mr. Gold now.'

* * *

'How are you feeling?' Regina asked awkwardly.

'I could ask you the same question,' Robin replied. 'You just dissipated the Dark One's curse with magic mirrors.'

'I'm alright,' she shrugged. 'And the baby too.'

'I'm glad.'

'Well, perhaps you would like to go with me for the next ultrasound? See the baby and all.'

Robin almost jumped with excitement.

'Of course! Can I bring Roland?'

Regina smiled despite herself.

'Yes. Henry and Emma are going as well.'

* * *

Belle was sitting in the middle of their bed, writing something furiously.

'What are you doing, Belle?' Gold asked, slowly lying down. Recent events clearly had taken their toll on his now purely human body, but the Snow Queen assured him that he'd be alright eventually.

'I'm writing a book,' Belle said, not lifting her gaze.

'Book?'

'I will be a writer.'

'Writer?' Gold scooted closer and put his arm around her waist. 'What are you writing about?'

'I haven't decided yet. I have so many ideas and there are so many things in this world to explore...'

'This world? I would expect you to write fairy tales or...'

'No, no, no, Rumple! I have had enough fairy tales for a lifetime. I'm writing a thriller. Or a psychological drama. Or both. Or something light for my first book, it seems to be easier. Look, there would be that girl working at a call center. Big call center belonging to a mobile phone  by Advertise"> company. She has only a few clients, special ones, rich ones, with big businesses. She's very professional and brilliant at her job. But then the new client proves to be different. He's so much more difficult and demanding, no one wanted to work for him, no one could put up with him. But she slowly gains his trust and respect, and they fall in love. Well, she's fired for being unprofessional, but she could start her own business and be with her love. What do you think?'

It certainly wasn't a story he would voluntarily pick to read, but Gold smiled all the same.

'I'm sure you will write it brilliantly.'

'Oh, but I have another one! It's much darker! The heroine, a computer expert is hired by the owner of a big company to prevent a mysterious hacker's attacks. But she doesn't trust her boss, her intuition screams at her that there is something wrong. The boss is a cruel, old woman, destroying lives of her own daughters and mercilessly crushing anyone who dares to cross her. Then the heroine manages to find the hacker, learn his super secret password, then his name. He is one of the cruel boss' victim, motivated by desperation and revenge. They become friends and she wants to help him.'

'And they fall in love, right?'

Belle blushed.

'Yes.'

'I like it. I feel like I know these characters.'

He pulled Belle closer and kissed her.

'Are you telling me that I'm stealing my ideas from life?... I just want to write what I like, what attracts me.'

'And that is very good. I'm sure you will write magnificent books. But for now, please, may I have a bit of your attention?...'

Belle giggled.

'You're so sweet, Rumple.'

'Am I?'

'Yes.' She kissed him again, much longer, combing her fingers through his hair.

'I love you so much, Belle. I'm still so amazed that you love me.'

'I do. Just as much.'

'I just feel I didn't earn that.'

'Love isn't earned, Rumple. It's the greatest gift possible. And I thank you for yours.'

She giggled again and ducked beneath the sheets, planting kisses on his chest. In that moment Gold felt like the happiest man alive.

 THE END 


End file.
